Hi, I am a 53 year old Subachnoid Cerebral Haemhorrage Survivor.
I have a permanent short term memory deficit which I "thought" I was coping with reasonably ok UNTIL I moved home to a different area and my grown up Son left home AGAIN! I'm curious to find people who have suffered similar Brain injury and to try to learn new coping strategies.
A over abundance of technology mainly ithings with notes, calendar etc. Plus charming people into helping.
Thanks for your reply Roger. I appreciate what you are saying re: Technology, the Problem I have is retaining the information to learn how to use it. My Son can vouch for that. I have to be shown several times And I have to write the instructions down. Even Then when I go to use it a second time my brain doesn't seem to compute! It is So Frustrating. Fortunately for me, I learned the "Important" stuff BEFORE my brain Exploded. Such as Learning to drive; Basic Computer Skills and cooking. Otherwise I Would Have to Have a Note book the size of an A4 folder with a pen, tied around my neck Permenantly.
I have EVERY Sympathy/ Empathy for the Pensioners living in today's World with ALL Its Technology.
Hi Jayne,
I'm Jo I had a brain haemorrhage some 8 years ago. The cause of the B.H. was an AVM. Basically the AVM burst haemorrhaging. The main impact of the haemorrhage was to my cerrabellum, but I've also been affected in many parts of my brain. To look at me I look "normal", but I have some seen and some hidden disabilities.
I had many issues in the beginning due to miss diagnosis and after a few years (long story) of battling, I live a good life with a brain injury.
I am 57 years young, married to Derek and live in Doncaster, South Yorkshire. I cannot work, go out alone AT ALL EVER. I suffer with fatigue, noise, balance issues and much more....I totally rely on hubby and friends to take me out. I have learnt many lessons through trial and error on how to live a good, safe, happy, balanced life with a brain injury. . I and hubby have had help and learnt coping stratergies. Please ask and if I can help in any way I'm only to happy to. 😃
Hi Cindy,
Thank You So much for your reply. Sorry To hear you have suffered the same. I Don't know about you, my frustration is caused more by the "unaffected" parts of my brain telling me "I Should be able to do things Because I Did Before".
You Are very fortunate to have the Loving Support of your husband. Mine drove me to such a point I divorced him. When the Reality was HE Couldn't live with the Stigma of me Having Brain Damage and Supporting/ Looking After Me. So much for "in sickness and health" blah, blah, blah.
What has been your Best "Coping" strategy?
Loads of Thanks
Jayne
Hi Jayne
I read that 75% of marriages break down after some-one has a brain injury. At least you gave it a try. I had an avm and haemorrhage too . I was in my teens. Never married and don't plan to! All my friends have gone down the white wedding route. But some-one has to be different eh? 
Hi Janye. My SAH was 4 & 1/2 years ago and coping with short-term memory loss has been a gradual learning process, mainly of trial & error.
I've tried reminders in note form, but bits of paper and diaries tend to get ignored. But as I look in on my laptop each morning I find that entering reminders for appointments/ birthdays/ other occasions into my diary app will alert me with pop-ups whatever else I'm doing. So I enter these events on both the due date and the day before to give me prior warning.
Another fairly reliable trick is post-it notes stuck in regularly frequented places, like the cupboard with the tea/coffee ..............or on the tea/coffee containers themselves. For important appointments I write bold reminders in black marker on the kitchen mirror so I have to keep passing it ; I remove it later with nail-varnish remover !
Before I go anywhere, I write in a notebook everything I need to remember to do, and that notebook lives permanently in my handbag.
Everyone has their own way of remembering so you need to try different methods then stick to one which works for you .
How long ago was your SAH Janye ?
Hi Cat,
Sorry for my delay in replying my SAH was just over 15 years ago. 9th January 2001.
I Cannot Believe it was THAT Long Ago. As you can probably relate to, I cannot remember/ think what point I was going to make.
I am trying to say As my memory is affected every day, it could have been yesterday I suffered my BI.
I Feel So Stupid. IT has JUST OCURRED To me What "BI" stands for YET, It is SO OBVIOUS DOH!!!
I Don't Know about you BUT I STILL Hope I will wake up One morning and Have my "Brain" back!
It STILL Hasn't Happened ~ I Am INCREDIBLY Thankful I Wake Up Every Morning and Am STILL here, with the Least Life Changing After Effects.
It Could have Been SO Much Worse. At least I manage to bumble along and can Still Physically Do Most Things I Used To ~ Driving Being The Major One I Think!
I may take the odd wrong turning at times Or forget where I am supposed to be going. At Least I STILL Remember HOW To Drive And ALL it entails.
I hope you are well and enjoying the sunshine.
Take Care, Be Cheerful and Be Happy
Jayne
Hi Cat53,
I guess I'm Not the ONLY One who Can't sleep.
My SAH was January 2001 and I Know, I Should Have Learned Loads of different coping stratergies by now, BUT Hey....
My Most Effective way of coping within my home is a large size White Board which is mounted on a seperate magnetic board for separate notes/ reminders. I find this really helps because like you, mine is hung on my kitchen well and it is the firstkitchenware I see when I go into my kitchen. Now I have learned how to use the planner on my Samsung Galaxy mobile I use that aswell.
Good morning everyone (not good morning, it's tipping down with rain). I have found out so much information using this site. My husband's memory problems have always been a mystery to me as he is unable to verbalise anything about it. He won't use technology in any shape or form so life is pretty difficult. I know it so difficult for all of you, but can I just put in a word for the people on the other side of this. The frustration is huge - last night I went out leaving him cutting the lawn, a job he loves. I came home three hours later, garage wide open, no mower in there. He's watching tv and having one of what I call his 'lapses' when he seems on a different planet and is unable to think properly. Found the mower in the garden, lawn unmowed. He had no idea why. This morning when his brain is working he remembers that it rained and he had to stop (but forgot to put tools away). If you multiply this by dozens of times a day, it is very hard to lead a normal life. It is hard to have your partner as a dependent instead of an equal in the relationship, so it totally changes the family unit. The frustration for us both is enormous. I am not belittling the problems you have, just trying to show you life on the other side! Oh how I wish for life as it was before!
Jan
Good morning Jan. I rarely reply to posts, but like to take a peep every now and then to see if anyone is going through what we are. And hurrah!!! someone who has put into words how it REALLY is for us "other halves"
My husband had his SAH in 2012, up until then we were blissfully happy (I lost my first husband in 1995). We never argued, had a fantastic life, lots of holidays, nice cars, the lot.
Since 2012 things have changed beyond recognition. In the early days of his recovery, it was more about how grateful we were that he had survived such a trauma (5 months in hospital etc.) and we were on the unknown road to a "new life".
In the last few months however, things have just become more and more difficult. He seems to be becoming more and more argumentative, he doesn't try hard enough to do things I am sure he is capable of. He has a totally different personality from the man I loved and married. He is loud, he shows off (especially to women) very much like our teenage grandson, who is 13 in his ways. Our relationship is on a completely different level. I care for him because he is my husband, but we don't have any kind of loving, "proper" relationship any more. Everything he does is annoying, or seems to be. We have little windows of "the old times" where sometimes I think things are ok, but they don't last long. Life is basically horrible!!
He attends our local Headway Day Centre 2 days a week, and they are my saving grace. If he stopped going I think I would go completely mad.
So anyway, here is someone who totally understands. Don't ever feel you are the only one. We need medals for doing what we do, and coping with it all.
Molly x
Oh how I AGREE!!
Dear Molly, you are so brave for doing what you are doing! I had just got divorced when my SAH happened so my mum is my rock. I, luckily, had a change for the better in my personality in respect of my patience and understanding of others. I took a book out of the library called "understanding head injury" by Trevor Powell. It was a great aid to helping me understand what was happening to me (even if I did have to read it a hundred + times to remember it!
I remember how it said that the majority of head injury survivors have a change in personality and usually for the worse. All I can say is keep talking to people about your frustrations and try to make time for yourself. Try to maintain a group of friends who you can spend a little time with so you can remind yourself you are such a lovely person for being there for him!
Good luck 😀
Hello Jayne, I know just how you feel! I am a SAH survivor and still suffer from short term memory loss and mine was over 20 years ago.
Small things help. I have a small white board in my kitchen which I put notes on. If I have something important I must do the following day I leave myself a note where the coffee mugs are in the morning and on my bedside table at night. If I need to do something important after work I put a note on the passenger seat of my car. My best investment is my iPad though. I can set it to remind me on several occasions for something important and it is the first thing I look at in the morning!
Other than that, do as you are doing now and tell people about your lack of memory, they won't fully understand but, I normally say "please remind me nearer the time and if I do forget, please don't take it personally!"
Best wishes to you, I know how frustrating it all is 😁
Hi,
Short term memory.......oooohhhhh 
Well I find it hugely frustrating but I'm muddling on through with the support of understanding partner. Using technologies well - but only if I ever remember to look at them, but I tend to spend time worrying about whether or not I've 'added' things to the electronic calendar, and sometimes checking this far too many times in a day when I don't need to and generally driving myself mad for doing it, especially when I should actually be doing something else or be somewhere else, or be thinking about something else (argh!!!). My best helpful hint came a few weeks ago from a specialist who suggested the following for remembering what bus you're on,nor where you need to stand to catch a particular bus:
Take a photo of the bus as it arrives at the stop before you get on. Leave it open on your phone while you're travelling, then you'll always know where to get off. if like me you can catch several buses which travel near to your home but in different nips really useful.
Also make a note on your phone of which side of the road to stand for the same bus number when it goes in different directions on an alternating route. That's great for when you want to go to different destinations but have to travel on a bus that uses the same number in both directions.
Post/stuff you need to take somewhere : if I've got something for the post, or something I need to take with me, I always leave it in front of the front door so that I'd have to step over it to open the door. This works really well.
Alarms for 'Time to go' : I'm struggling with fatigue. I don't see many people (by choice) but have been asked to do so by my neuro visitor. This was quite disastrous when I eventually ventured out to see 'people/friends' who despite being friends previously, didn't 'get' brain injury. Even some family members still seem not to notice the fast decline when I've run out of steam, and it always ends in tears. So in anticipation of returning to work, I'm hoping to try to 'socialise' as instructed, and will be setting a one hour alarm on my phone for 'time to stop'. This will hopefully help to allow a dignified exit.
Hope those are useful ideas they work for me. x
Hi,
There are many things going on in your life at the moment - The double edge sword of the downside of not having him around to remind you and mixed with pride in your son becoming independant.
Plus you are in unfamiliar territory after the house move and one of the things tahat makes our life easier is routine and consistency and of course that has been turned on its head at the moment.
The put the injury on top and it is going to be even more difficult.
I find I can remember most of the important bits but lesser important things tend to get overlooked. Quite often this is not down to memory but more often down to distraction when something else comes into our head and we go off and do that instead.
I find I cope best if I don't try and multi task and keep things as simple as possible
I am back to driving (thank goodness) and the worst thing is remembering where I have parked. If I go somewhere new I make a quick note on my iPad where, what floor and parking bay number if there is one. 😀
jayne thats understandable youre out of your area, where you knew where everything was and now youve got to start exploring again which is frightening.
2 things i would suggest 1 get yourself a headways card so if you do get lost you can show that and people will help you.
2 find your local headways group
steve
Thank You for your reply Steve, much appreciated.
How do I get a "Headway" card?
I hope you are keeping well and have been enjoying the sunshine.
Take Care
Jayne
jayne 2 ways to get a card 1 go to your local headways group, which i would also recommendor phone headways and ask for a card,
have lovelly weekend
steve
Hi Janye,
Loved what you said and completely understand. Had my Bi nearly a year ago and iv really struggled with short term memory but I did before the accident to its just got worse. I really on technology like ical and note talking I couldn't run my business with out them. I have to write stuff down immediately otherwise I will forget it this said iv accepted the problem and have found a solution to it although sometimes I get it wrong.
Welcome and have a fantastic evening. Nick
Hi Nick,
I TOTALLY Appreciategwhat you are saying/ experiencing. I am amazed How Many People are on this site that have suffered a brain haemhorrage and have a short term memory problem as a result.
It is unbelievable. I bet I'm NOT The ONLY One Who Thought it was Just Me.
I was seen by a Professional this afternoon (I cannot remember his job title even in my "memory board" I wrote him down as "Memory Man"
He seemed surprised that I was as young as I am having suffered my haemhorrage and experiencing the memory problems I am.
He OBVIOUSLY hasn't seen this site AND He's a Professional. Working with Dementia/ Memory Problems Patients.
I Cannot remember what it was I was saying / the point I was trying to make, Sorry.
Have a Good evening
Jayne
HI Jayne,
If it is any comfort or help to others I suffered a SAH in January 2016 and I have no short term memory loss at all although perhaps time will tell
I got a referral to a neuropsychologist who is helping me with sleep problems but most importantly my short term memory. I had a test which proved that i'm now average but proves as well that my memory used to be top notch. She shows me pictures which I have to study for a minute and then I have to tell her what I remember. She tests me again after about 30 minutes to see if I can still remember. I have homework - same thing. Pictures to test myself and also short stories to remember who, what, when etc. She says that exercising the memory helps the recall. For example this is one of the stories she gave me yesterday :-
Danny Simpson was left in an empty Tyneside restaurant when his Newcastle team-mates cheekily told him the wrong venue for a squad night out.The entire first team squad held a get together in a plush Jesmond restaurant. This was news to the on-loan Man United defender, alone and bemused miles away at the Malmaison Hotel on Newcastle's Quayside.
The ten questions for this story are:-
What was his name,
What was his job,
Who did he play for,
What was his previous club.
Where was he,
What was the name of the hotel,
Where was the hotel,
Where was the get together,
Who gave him the wrong information,
What was position does he play?
Just an example but you can use stories from the newspaper and get someone to ask questions in the same way. Hope this helps xx
I have learnt that 'attention' is part of 'memory.' If you are not paying attention to something you will 'forget.' If you pay 100% attention and focus totally on what you are doing you are alot less likely to forget and therefore your 'memory' 'improves' when really you are just 'focusing fully on the task in hand.' Do one thing at a time only! It helps me.
You mention your son has left home again, which makes me wonder if this, and being in a new area, is distracting you from attending fully? Good luck. And I agree with Roger below. (Though I wouldn't call myself charming.)
Bonfire
I suppose I'll be in something-like a similar situation some time this autumn, when my son leaves for uni. We joke about him being my 'carer' in some respects, in that he gently, and sometimes not-so-gently checks whether I've eaten, and sends me to bed if he catches me nodding off in the armchair.
I separated from his Dad the day after I came home from my latest surgery (they found two 'incidental' aneurysms after the first haemorrhage, and I had the larger of the two coiled in March of this year.) the marriage had been on its arse for years, and, faced with this life-threatening, life-altering medical thing, I'd decided I couldn't spend another 20 years fishing worn socks from between the sofa-cushions. I have all on parenting myself some days, and, at the age of 39, decided that I no longer wanted to be responsible for mothering someone else's 50-year-old toddler.
Enforced routine is the only 'trick' I've had to employ, to make sure things get done, it's Saturday morning, so the washing machine is on, I'm making fun of myself, because I always resented the assumption that I'd do all the housework, due to me having ovaries... then I engineered a situation whereby I ended up doing all the housework anyway... not that he did any when he lived here.
My recall was always terrifyingly good prior to the SAH, and I seem to have retained that, thank goodness. I don't forget to go to appointments, or pay bills, and I remember telephone numbers and such. I'm not saying I don't have vague periods, where I'll wonder why the chuff I've brought a rolling-pin upstairs, or how long I've been sitting on the end of the bed with one sock on, but the Pavlovian/repetition on the majority of stuff-that-needs-to-be-done seems to work with me.
I'm 16 months on from the original haemorrhage, and I don't think I've had a significant brain-fog this year, I'm not saying there won't be another one, but, by managing my time/tasks/energy a little better, I seem to be having less episodes of 'factory reset', where my brain just throws down, like an over-tired toddler in a supermarket.
I'm strange, and I'm awkward, but I was before the BI. I'm detached, and insular, but i was before. I get by, we all do, in our different ways. Here's to triumph over adversity, and adaptation to our new 'normal.'
Make things rhyme, link key words . Put words in songs, happy sad ect. The brain remembers things linked to emotions x
Btw I know this for a fact. I used it sometimes when I remembered lol. It defo works. It's something professionals told me very early on. Notes are great if you remember to look at them 😳 re tour son leaving home for example, if this was something you forgot. Sing this silly,,,, my son left home he went to uni were he will drink laugh and be giggly. Use silly words and sing it in a silly way a few times. Then again during the day when think . It will work. Repetivness and emotions work x
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