I'm sorry

[debbie36a]

I'm feeling like a right twine when i read about you all. You're all incredible.

My only sister had twin boys with ts. Tuberous sclerosis ones in a home now they are 18 next year. I've always been there for her.

And I've seen her 1st since marks out of hospital 4 months ago.

Am i wrong to not feel bad coz i can't split myself in half.

Her husband drinks alot and she's going the same way

He even texted me saying your sister needs you just sort yourself out

I am literally just tired now

[Kirk5w7]

Hi Debbie, I'm so sorry , you are going through a bad patch emotionally, aren't you.

Don't beat yourself up and don't compare yourself against other people.

We are all different and what others face and deal with does not diminish us at all.

This is your life and is up to you how you live and what you can do, don't let anyone make you feel guilty about decisions you make. You make those decisions and do the things you do because it is right for you. That is how it should be, you are the one who ultimately lives with yourself, in your head I mean, so you have to be true to yourself.

I hope this makes sense and helps even if only in a small way .

Take care Janet xx

[steve55 in reply to Kirk5w7]

kirk5w7 my wife was the same. she didnt know what to do .....why i got so angry for what appeared to be for no apparent reason.

we went to the gp and she just sobbed. gp referred me to a psychiatrist from there to a neuro psychiatrist.

i take epilim for my behaviour, which works most of the time, but im at my most unpredictable when im out..........so i only really go out with my wife

[StrawberryCream]

Hi Debbie

There is such a lot of really difficult stuff going on in your life that I'm not surprised it has overwhelmed you and are feeling very stressed and down. In families usually depending on our personalilities we tend to each take on different roles.

You sound like I was in that I was very much the one who supported, cared for and ran around after everyone else in the family. Yet I didn't get any respect or gratitude for all that I did! It became expected of me and when I didn't prop up their lives I was bad mouthed by them. The pressure of everything resulted in me being severely depressed but still I got no support or understanding from them. In fact they were aggrieved that I wasn't there for them as much as they wanted me to be. Ultimately I got asked by a Dr 'why do you keep putting yourself in that situation because they will not change, the only way you will start to feel better is if you change your relationship with them and clearly boundary what you are prepared to offer and do'. I couldn't carry on the way things were as had gone on for a life time but worse as adults and I was at crisis point. I tried to lessen the 'being their for them' and explain to them but unsurprisingly they didn't like that and tried to make me feel bad and guilty, and manipulated me. Ultimately I had to decide that the situation was so awful, I couldn't cope anymore, it was keeping me seriously depressed and so I walked away from the contact with them. Interestingly I didn't tell them they could not contact me but as I wasn't at their beck and call anymore, but they have continued to bad mouth about me to anyone else, and haven't made any attempt to rebuild the relationships - they only wanted me if I was going to be exactly as they had wanted me!

Taking charge of my own life and not letting it be dominated by the needs of others in the family was the best thing I ever did. I couldn't continue to take the extreme pressures of supporting and propping up their lives. My depression lifted and life became considerably more happy and personally successful. I am not suggesting that you completely alienate yourself from your family like I had to do but it does sound like you need to try and explain all the pressures you are trying to cope with and decide and tell them what you can deal with at the moment and what you can't. Have you yourself been to see your GP at all because with all the extreme pressures that you are trying to deal with it is possible you are depressed.

Thinking of you x

[steve55]

debbie36a look around for respite you can only do so much for so long.

get away for a couple of days have some you time