Hi Friends

Hi Friends!

I know it has been a while since you all have heard from me, I have been hard at work getting my life and future in order. I recently got accepted into University for a Bachelor of Science in Dental Hygiene. It was a lot of hard work to get in with test scores, and observation hours, and numerous other tests that determine whether or not you are able to meet the demands of such an academically rigorous program. I am so excited and proud of myself for accomplishing getting accepted into this school, but yet I am so incredibly disheartened and sad. I have brought to my family's attention my hopes and aspirations and how I have passed the tests necessary to be accepted into this university program and that this is what I want to do with my life, but my mom is really the only one in my family who works and she does not want to cosign my loan because my dad says that school should be free. Now I have done everything I can do to explain to my family that I believe this will be amazing for my future and that I can not do it without their help and but unfortunately I have never been raised in a supportive and loving home. Perhaps it is foolish of me to believe that it will be any different now. My family is from Afghanistan and I have grown up with all men in my family, I am the only girl. They have never placed much value to my life and are showing me again today that as a young woman- I have no value and no right to pursue my academic aspirations. I did chose the cheapest university for Dental Hygiene in my state, but I assure you-in the U.S. higher education requires student loans. I have called various student lenders and tried to figure out some way around this co-signer dilemma, but I am getting the same answer from all of them. I can not receive my loan for my education without a cosigner. I have a high credit score for my age, but they still want a cosigner. I am so sad. I worked so hard, I just want to go to school. I just want an education, and I just want to have the opportunity to pursue my dreams. That's it. I need help guys, and I need encouragement as I have never felt so incredibly alone, worthless, and helpless.

18 Replies

  • Negeen - it's great to hear from you, and your post started very encouragingly; you've clearly made amazing efforts to get to this point. I'll try not to judge your family as without their take on things it would be wrong, but it does sound very unsupportive. Not easy for all cultures, but maybe your mum will make her own decision on this eventually? I hope so. Sadly, the U.K. is increasingly following the U.S. model on education and health and your Dad's idealogical standpoint is getting harder here, too. Keep pushing, and I wish you the very best of outcomes. Stay strong, and try to control your frustration as best you can. Do keep us informed - your absence has been felt..


  • Hi Negeen fantastic to hear from you. I'm so glad you've found the path you want to follow and so upset you still have so many hurdles in your way.

    As Bards says here in the UK it is getting very expensive to gain university degrees, a little easier than you because we don't need co signatories, the debt stays with the individual until they either earn enough to pay it off gradually or it is eventually just written off as unpaid after many many years.

    Don't lose sight of those goals it will mean a brilliant future for you.

    Well done,your self esteem must be soaring,

    Love and hugs Janet xxxxxx

  • Janet! I miss you! So glad you commented.

    If anything, my self esteem is plummeting faster than anything else. I feel so unloved and unworthy. In the U.S. you can drop a cosigner from your loans 12 months after graduation. You basically need someone to vouch for you and say :"this girl is a trustworthy person, I can vouch that she will finish school and pay back your educational loan" I don't want to lose sight of my goals, but I literally can not go any further in pursuing them without a cosigner :( I am beyond grieved and so so desperate.

  • Wow, you've come a long way! When we last heard from you, you'd be kicked out of the house by your parents and was homeless, was struggling to get your brain injury recognised by doctors and had been told that university was "out of the question" by your neuropsychologist because of your low test scores. So what gives? How you've managed to remain positive amongst all this and gain a place at university is truly remarkable. Don't give up on your dreams.

  • Thanks Barny!

  • Well done for not giving up on your hopes and dreams of a future to be proud of.

    I'm sorry to hear of your difficulty with getting mum to sign. Cultural differences can be so difficult to manage in this modern world of financial need and greed.

    I had friends when I was younger who were never allowed to be in debt or to accrue debt, that included mortgages. They were very hardworking and I just couldn't get my head around the fact that there was no debt.

    I know it sounds a bit daft but are there any groups who help women who are devalued by their culture?

    I Understand the huge costs that go with higher education, my daughter is in uni and a son preparing to go and another going in two years, I'll be supporting my children for years to come.

  • There's really no "center" for students who can't find cosigners to fund their education. The number of students that this happens to is generally small because they always end up finding someone such as an aunt or a grandparent, but I literally have no one. There is not really a chance for me to go to school without it.

  • do you live in amremica? cos student finace england will give you a loan,easy! i just got one,its open to all ages and you donot have to pay it back until you earn over a certain amount,you could ask a friend to co-sighn? either way all the best

  • Yes, I live in America :) I wish I was in England.

  • aahh! so sorry got no idea! keep at it!

  • Screw them, let me co-sign it

  • I <3 you Ben

  • Hi negeen

    I am a relative newbie to the forum and have missed your previous posts.

    From what I have just read please accept my hearty congratulations on being accepted to university.

    Is there any chance that you could get a scholarship or bursary?

    It may be worth talking to the (I think this is what they are called)

    Brain injury association of the USA.

    If you can check out a recent post by Kady headway replied with a link to the American organisation.

    Very best wishes to you with love n hugs


    PS the post is called June 3,2015 9.54

  • Fab that you've got so far!

    hopefully you'll work some thing out with a loan.

    really impressed.

  • That is brilliant Negeen that you have clearly experienced a big recovery of your BI and have made huge steps to getting your life back on track. Well done for getting a place at University and I am sure with your determination you will find a way to overcome the cosigner problem. It doesn't have to be your parents it can be an extended family member or any friend who is an American or has been granted residency.

    I am not sure that your parents are as unsupportive as it sometimes feels to you. I think it is perhaps at times differences within the lives you are now living. If they grew up in Afghanistan then there are massive Cultural differences to the American way of life that you are a part of now. Some families that immigrate find it easier to accept the different cultures and influences that the country they move too live by whereas others feel they want to still very much live by there own. For the next generations this can be very difficult as they have friends etc that live in a way that very much appeals and they want to be able to integrate in similar ways.

    Very best wishes and good luck with Uni.

  • There will be no Uni if there is no cosigner. I really do not believe that this has anything to do with cultural differences. I do know my family the best, and I can assure you this is not a consequence of cultural naivete. They have always been very abusive in every way that they could be.

  • I am sorry if I have got the wrong grasp on your situation. My BI seems to have led me to misinterpret what you have written in your post. Because you said that you are the only girl in your family and that they have never shown much value of your life and that again now as a young woman you have no value or rights to pursue your academic aspirations I construed this to be Culteral issues rather than an abusive family e.g that the family see a woman's role to get married, look after the home and her children etc. Maybe now you are and adult you could seek employment to enable you to move out and away from your family and to then follow your dream of going to uni some years on when you are financially stable. That is how I did my degree when I was in my 30's as likewise I had a difficult and unsupportive family. At 18 I left home to work and live independently. Even with my BI I have had to continue to manage on my own and parent my young son as I am not even in contact with any family - immediate or extended. It can be done.

  • Well done on getting a place! It is such a shame - once the university gives you a place, you should just go there to study, not have to fight your family. :-(

    I would talk to the university - explain all of this, and see what they advise. Universities there must be used to certain cultural groups not supporting particular students, and they must have some way of dealing with it, to be fair to you. I work at a university in the UK, and I am sure our university admin people would know how to advise a potential student, in this situation.

You may also like...