Fertility Network UK
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Not third time lucky for us 😪

So today was test day for our third go and last Frostie. Previously we had an ectopic and misscarraige at 7weeks. I went into this round with a more relaxed attitude and tried not to stress about every little thing.

But after getting our BFN this morn I can't help blaming myself for bit doin more. For not getting the scratch , for not getting as much accupuncture as last time for flying home at the beginning of my down reg. I was trying to be as normal as possible as IVF has taken over r lives for over a year now. But now I feel so guilty and so worried it's never going to work. The thoughts of a 4rth go is breaking my heart. I just want someone to tell me what is wrong so I can fix it and be a mum.

So sorry for pity post but I'm just heartbroken xxx

Emma

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So sorry, you must be heartbroken. I'm quite new to all of this (first round) so can't give much advice or help but what struck me was your self blame. I think we blame ourselves for every little ounce of this whole journey - questioning every single decision we make. It sounds like actually you've given it your all, time after time, and actually you should be really damn proud of yourself for taking on this massive gauntlet. That's strength. Don't blame yourself you are amazing. Xxx

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Thanks so much for your lovely reply and best of luck with your round X

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Oh Emma , I am in the same position as you today with a BFN after a DE cycle.

You mustn't blame yourself at all but I totally understand how you feel, life is just so cruel at times & it hurts more than anything.

It isn't a pity post at all & you're allowed to be upset. I send you lots of love & be kind to yourself moving forward 😘 xxxxxx

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Hi tish, I'm so sorry to hear about your BFN, how are you doing? I'm just trying to block it out past few days which I'm sure not good X

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Oh emma it's not a pity post at all, it's devastating and I'm so sorry for you 😔 I think it's normal for us to blame ourselves but we should try to tell ourselves what we would tell another lady on here because it's absolutely not your fault. Cruelly, so much of it is just (bad) luck and out of our hands, which can be so hard to deal with.

Give yourself some time to heal and have some 'normality' return, it's so raw and I think you have to let your feelings develop naturally over time. You may feel strong enough to try again, or not. Don't try to rush into it. Hubby and I have took almost 2 months out to get our heads together after our 4th cycle and while I honestly thought we would opt for a 5th cycle, now we don't feel positive about that at all..which has been a surprise to us both.

Lots of luck whatever you decide xx

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Sorry it's taken me so long to reply Georgina, I did read your lovely message. I'm glad you are your husband are taking a break , we might take one too. It's just so hard isn't it? This whole process just takes over your lives. I wish you all the best for whatever you decide and thank you for your lovely reply X

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No worries Raglee, I've always found a break helps us but everyone is different so give yourself a week or two and see how you feel. It's so hard, hubby and I have been through quite a lot but this is the worst..I'm particularly struggling with both my sister and SIL being pregnant right now, just praying it's easier once the babies are here 😕

It really does take over your life so I hope you can enjoy some time off it all before deciding on your next steps xx

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Hi Emma. Oh I'm so sorry to read this. I'm sure you are heart broken, and if only we knew why these cycles failed, but usually we don't. Try not to beat yourself up about the things you could have tried and didn't, because even with all the "add-ons" a cycle can still fail. Just take your time to get over this, and look after yourself. Hopefully when you go back for a follow up appointment some light can be shed upon what might have happened - I don't know. I do have a couple of lists of questions you could have a look through before you go back, if you want. Most won't be appropriate, but there just may be a few you hadn't thought of asking. Email me in confidence to support@fertilitynetworkuk.org and I will send them to you. Thinking of you and sending you gentle hugs. Diane

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Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me Diane, I would be most grateful for those questions and will mail you shortly X

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I will send them straight out as soon as I hear. Diane

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So sorry to hear this, bfn's are so cruel. I know how you feel as it took us 5 cycles 3 with my OE and 2 with DE. Give yourself time to heal before deciding what is next. Big Hugs xxx

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Thank you so next buttons and I'm delighted all going well for you. Gives me hope X

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So sorry Emma. It is such a difficult process. Take care of yourself xx

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Thank you Katya X

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Im so sorry to read your post Emma, its heart breaking to get a negative. Im sure none of the things that you think have affected this outcome actually have. IVF is a massive lottery with rubbish odds unfortuately! Look after yourselves, sending you a massive hug xxxx

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Thank you for your lovely reply Cinderella X

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I'm sorry. The feeling of frustration ,sadness and despair never completely goes away.i have been trying to be positive after my failed third cycle. Today has been hard coz the bleed is really painful.a friend of mine had her 3rd baby yesterday and instagram has one baby pic after another. Life is so unfair. I hope you will be OK.and we will both be 4th time lucky.

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I'm so sorry to hear a kit your failed cycle Lawmon. This process is so tough and you are right, so I fair, I just feel so angry right now. We will get there eventually X

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My heart goes out to you and sending hugs your way. As ladies have said we are awful at blaming ourselves as if this isn't hard enough we make it even harder by blaming ourself every step of the way..nothing you did or didn't do impacts the outcome I believe as I did one cycle different from the other and still bfn..a lot down to luck sadly. Please be kind to yourself and give yourself time xxx

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Thanks so much for reply vic, you are right , it's just so hard not to nit pic. I'm wishing you the best for this go xxxx

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i am so sorry for your loss - i've just had a failed second cycle so understand some of your pain.

this is a very cruel process and none of us deserve the torment it brings.

hope you can dig deep & begin to heal. be kind to yourself.

sending big hugs xx

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Thanks noodles and I'm so sorry to read about your failed cycle. This process is just so heartbreaking sometimes X

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Please please don't blame yourself! There's nothing you could have done. I'm so sorry it wasn't third time lucky for you xx

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Thanks Vicky, sorry for delayed response just came off here for a day or so. Just really struggling and not sure where to go next. I see you had your scan, I'm hoping and praying this your time X

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That's ok Emma. Thank you and take care of yourself xx

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So sorry to hear that. As hard as it is, really try not to beat yourself up about it. It is doubtful it was anything you did. I just think if it's going to work it will and if it isn't going to work it won't. The first IVF I had I took it fairly easy on my 2ww but I did go back to work and it failed. The second one I had I threw everything at - two weeks off work, acupuncture, completely changed diet etc. It still didn't work so I am now on my third round and am thinking what will be will be. I a, being fairly sensible but it's really pointless stressing about it.

I really hope things work out for you. It's so tough. Hugs x

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Thanks so much for your reply Cali and I think you are so right.. I'm wishing you all the best for your third cycle X

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