Can anyone suggest a way to get my 4 year old to do poos on the toilet/potty instead of constantly in his pants?

[Jellybelly27]

He’s not constipated, he’ll happily do wee’s on the toilet/potty but no matter how we approach it, he’ll blatantly rather do it in his pants. We’ve already tried, reward charts, sitting him there for 3-4 minutes (sometimes longer) - 20-30 minutes after a meal, bribery lol but he’ll still run off to a spot where he thinks I can’t see him then comes and tells me he’s done it, I’ve even tried putting the potty in those spots but he just finds a new spot! We were slow at starting training due to speech and language issues but he’d be dry if it wasn’t for the poos.

[Hidden]

hi, I am having a similar problem with my daughter have you tried leaving treats for him once you have been on the toilet and done your poo you can have a treat ?

[Jellybelly27 in reply to Hidden]

We tried Lego as his treat but he just thinks he’ll get Lego just for sitting on the toilet after he’s pooped in his pants 🙈

[Frantastic84]

I’ve been in the same boat and thankfully we’re now through it and I thought this day would never come. My son is 6 and starting year 1 next week, and it’s only in the last 6 or 7 weeks that we’ve managed to crack it. We had to take very small steps to get him there, it started by getting him to poo in pull up in the bathroom with the door open, gradually we have moved on to sitting with pull up (on a potty training toilet seat placed over an upside down step stool - don’t ask! It was his idea and we went with it as he wouldn’t entertain the idea of sitting on the loo for poo even though he been doing it for years for wee). Gradually we progressed to sitting on the toilet for poos and very very slowly we managed to make small tears down the sides of his pull ups til he only had an inch attached either side. Next was having an open pull-up placed under the seat to catch poo, then we swapped the pull up for placing some paper in the loo first. Now we are finally at the stage of pooing on the toilet with no paper in the loo and not training seat. I could cry with happiness every day and the best thing is seeing how proud he is of himself. It took us two and a half years of taking baby steps towards getting him there, and with all of the above I also had him sat on the loo every day at the same time for 5-10 mins, first with pants and trousers on and sitting on the lid, gradually progressing to pants down and on the training seat. He was never used to sitting on the loo for longer than a quick wee and so never had the patience to wait for poo. It’s a horrible thing to go through as a parent and it’s so hard not to become angry/upset/worried, I cried so many times with worry. But they WILL get there are it’s more common than you think. To anyone going through this now just keep going and taking baby steps and encourage them but don’t push them further than they feel comfortable x

[14crosstitch14]

Play a poo game, with his dolls, and show him its what big boys do. Theirs a poo story online. Maybe if he's at nursery he'll follow other kids.

[Shellbags]

I could be writing this! My daughter been in pants for 12 months and she has probably done no more then 10 poos in the toilet in this time. I have also tried everything, rewards, chocolate, bribes, ignoring, cleaning themselves, books, apps on phone, bubble blowing, games and nothing is working! Today she stood next to a potty and pooed her pjs....I'm losing my mind! I'm sick with worry and it's affecting my mental health as I keep thinking about school in September! I try to keep my cool but sometimes I just get so cross even though I know I shouldn't! Its so frustrating!!! I've even told her I'll take her to toy shop and get her anything she wants and still nothing! I hope you find an answer too! X

[Jo_79 in reply to Shellbags]

I could have wrote this reply myself, my little girl is 4 and starts school in September and she won't poo on the potty either, we started after Christmas and she wees fine on potty or toilet with her toilet seat but will just poo in her knickers. It's so frustrating, we also get cross and I know you shouldn't and then you feel bad after, it's only been a few weeks so perhaps I'm worrying prematurely but I'm so frustrated and just can't see an end to it. It's nice to know we're not alone and not the only ones going through this, interested to hear any other tips?

[Hidden]

I think one thing that doesn’t get discussed enough is that some kids just have their own schedule, and 4 is still young in the grand scheme of things. I was reassured by various people that one day it would click with my daughter. As she got older it got harder to believe - but then it happened! When you search the internet, most results for poo accidents from the age of 4 brings up chronic constipation, which is good if that is your problem as you can start managing it, but feels quite isolating if that’s not your situation.

Having said that, it’s still useful to be a detective about what the issue is, whether it’s toilet fear, a delay in/issues with interoception, difficulty stopping activities, food intolerance etc. as you can do things to support some of those. For example, if it’s fear then a very gradual move towards the toilet like Frantastic84 describes is the best thing you can do. Food intolerances have an obvious solution. Suggested after meal toilet sits can help somewhat with kids who are finding it hard to recognise or respond to toilet cues. However, a huge aspect is just waiting for them to catch up developmentally. There’s no intervention to speed up a developmental lag, but you can convey absolute confidence to them that they’ll get there one day and provide a no blame or shame environment whilst you wait for it to happen.

One thing that caught us out was as my daughter seemed to first finally get there, then we went into a period of constipation. I suspect this was partly because of her new found sense of control. Touch wood, a clear out (mainly thanks to a stomach bug), a small movicol regime and attention to water drinking seems to be maintaining her recent success. Honestly, it can and does get better. 🙂

[Roshbrough]

I could have written this myself about my nearly 4 year old daughter. It’s absolutely awful. She is in pre school and is the only one in her class who poo’s in her knickers and straight away is telling me or her nursery teacher she has done it. Have tried absolutely everything but no matter what we try she will not go on the toilet. She is amazing with wee’s and never has accidents. I dread school in September I don’t know how we will cope, it worries me sick thinking teachers will have to change her dirty knickers what they must be thinking?! It gets you down I’ve got an 8 week old baby boy and between him and her all I do all day is change nappies and knickers.

Your not alone xxx

[Roshbrough]

As above same situation…

We have finally overcome this problem a month ago. It was a Saturday so no nursery and my husband was working. So just me and her. I gave her fruit for breakfast and lots of drinks and deliberately took her knickers off and put her pants back on without the knickers. I made sure the pants where baggy ones and made a point to her that if she was to poo it would go down her leg. Because of all the drinks I had given her she was literally on and off the toilet every 5 minutes and I think the fruit helped make it easier to poo. I think she just realised that while she was already on the toilet having a wee anyway it was a better outcome than letting the poo go down her legs. Once she did it once seeing how much easier it is she’s never done it in her pants since.

Good luck xxx