Toilet training issues Vs constipation

[Mum679]

Seriously at my wits end. We're waiting for a consultation with bladder and bowels service, but my four year old son's soiling is still happening multiple times a day and has been ever since we started toilet training over 18 months ago.

Nothing works. He's on movicol twice a day, toilet routine etc. I try to talk to him about what's going on and I'm convinced he knows when a poo is coming because it's always in the same situation. He's playing and he doesn't want to stop what he's doing to use the toilet. He'll give me this look when I ask him if he's pooing because he knows he is . We've just had to come home from the park because he's soiled himself yet again. It's so much worse at school than home, probably because we can catch him in the act.

No reward chart, bribes etc. has ever worked. We praise him when he tells us he needs to go and has clean pants, but then he'll poo himself again the next day. Any clean spells make us think he's got it, but they are short lived. We get him to clean his own clothes, but that also has no effect.

I think he does have constipation, but there is also definitely an awareness when he's pooing and that's what is so frustrating. He will poo on the toilet if we sit him on it at the right time. There is no fear there at all. So I don't understand why he won't use the toilet when he feels the urge to go. I have no idea how to help him anymore. It's affecting our whole family. I just want him to be happy and healthy. HV had no helpful advice. Movicol does nothing and who knows when we'll get our BB consultation. I'm fed up of feeling so helpless. Is there anything else we can try?

[ERIC-Charity Partner]

Hi Mum679, have you contacted the eric helpline? eric.org.uk/helpline You can phone or complete a Web Enquiry form It would be great if you could get in touch and then we can go through this step by step. You aren't alone. There's a free webinar this Saturday 6th November hosted by Eric's continence Nurse. (it was initially only for Manchester families but we've now opened it up to everyone) eric.org.uk/Event/mancheste...

[Mum679 in reply to ERIC-Charity]

Thanks Eric. I've tried to call the helpline a few times, but not been able to get through. Appreciate your services are in high demand! Didn't think about the web enquiry form, so will try that. The webinar looks great, but unfortunately I can't attend.

[ERIC-Charity Partner in reply to Mum679]

I'm sorry you haven't been able to get through, the Helpline is busiest on a Monday but yes demand is high for sure. . The web enquiry form can be quicker, especially if you ask for an email reply. Sarah

[Mum679 in reply to ERIC-Charity]

Thank you Sarah.

[moley26]

Hi there. Firstly, I really really sympathise with you. We have exactly the same issues with our 5 year old who started school in Sept. I know how it can affect your entire family and it's so hard.

In terms of what we've done, I'm not sure it will help you but I felt I had to share with you as support. We tried ERIC and health visitors but nothing that was suggested really helped. We've never gone down the route of investigations because I've always known he could do it ie it's not physical. But I definitely considered it at one point. A lot of the advice was reward based, and like your son, that just doesn't wash with our boy.

Some things we've done which may or may not help - removed nappy at night (turns out he could keep dry and prompted him to use the potty in his room to poo in the morning. This has meant he doesn't always need to go at school), made him take his dirty clothes to wash basket, if it's accident no 3 or more of the day and we're at home he can't wear bottoms any more, when cleaning him up explain how it's much quicker to use the toilet and have one wipe then us have to clean him up and take him away from his toys, talk about how his friends at school go to the toilet and manage to still play just fine.

But, I have to say he has been better since starting school. Not perfect, but so much better. School have expectations and that tougher line seems to have worked better than nursery who everytime he was slightly wet would just change him; he came to be reassured by that in the end. His natural disposition is that he is too busy to use the toilet. Always!

Again, I'm not sure how helpful this is but more than anything I wanted to reach out and say you're not alone x

[Frogstar13]

First of all, things can improve so try not to lose hope. There's so much shame with soiling, kids seem to disconnect completely (denial of problem) which is why rewards etc not working. Sounds like he's impacted so when you have a week, try full disimpaction. In meantime, you could use pads in his pants. My son is 9 and the importance of toilet routine (after disimpaction) is essential. So after breakfast and dinner I get him to sit on the loo. Remind him to sit on loo after lunch at school/nursery. Keep trying to get in touch with Eric x

[Frustratedmum1]

Hi. You are not alone in this forum. The one thing i have realised during my son condition it takes.alot longer than you anticipate.

The good thing is youn have identified he is withholding. Perhaps start sitting your child on the toilet/ potty 20 mins after meals as this will be the time their body is most likely to go to the toilet. This way you dont disturb their play. However youbhave to be persistent with this. Have toys in the toilet to encourage them to stay on the toilet and itbis a happy and fun place.