Withholding behaviours

[Sut6557]

My almost 3 year old had been withholding for 6 months since we attempted and abandoned potty training. I have only just found this forum so lots of questions I’m afraid. She’s currently going through a disimpaction but we have been given so much conflicting advice.

She crosses and squeezes her legs tight and goes tense all over to stop herself going and can’t really focus on anything else when she does this and can go on for a couple of day. Any advice about what to do about the behaviour, do we ignore it completely/encourage her not to do?? The minute you mention poo she gets very defensive! Thanks again in advance

[MrsKS30]

What’s worked for us is movicol + plenty of fluids over a long period to ensure the fear and memory of pain slowly goes away. She had a fear of not pooing in her nappy from toilet training age and then had a very sore incident a while after so fear and pain combo was there. The movicol (+ stimulant for 3 months further down the line) helped remove the pain and she also accepted using the potty as we did ott praise each time. The stimulant was the first time she said to me ‘ I feel a pain in my tummy so I need to go to the toilet’ - it wasn’t a bad pain but it helped her realise it was a sign to go.

She’s just turned 5 now and still soils occasionally (1 movicol a day) but it’s very occasional and fear is gone now so we are relieved it appears more manageable as she’s gotten older.

It can be very distressing and overwhelming at times but it does get better. I used silly stories about poo land (there’s a book/video) to say we needed to send it there etc. Tried to keep it light and definitely no giving out to (hard to keep patience going all the time though especially after changing pants for 10th time).

Hope the disimpaction goes well, we never had to do more than 3 sachets in a day to clear out but there’s great advice on here about full process and also look up the poo nurses (UK) video. Best of luck!

[FAA1985]

We had similar and still do with our 3 and half year old . We disimpacted him and got up to 6 movicols to do this . We did lots of normalising poo lots of books , got the poo goes to poo town app drew pictures of Mr Poo ! Slowly reduced movicol he's on about 3 a day now .

He will still hold it sometimes all day but the movicol means he can't hold it much longer and we don't have any soiling

Don't be scared about movicol and it takes a long time we started all this 9 months ago

[Sut6557 in reply to FAA1985]

Thank you. Not sure if your little one did similar with crossing legs etc but if they did any first hand advice on ignoring it or asking her to stop?

[Spot111]

Hi there, I can offer experience of what helped with my son. He stool withhold from the day he learnt he could and then it turned into chronic constipation, sometimes no movements for 12 days 🙈. Hospital and gp were not of much use but speaking to someone on the phone from ERIC changed my son's life. We did a disempaction with laxido (never worry about laxido or movicol as they aren't a medication just forcing water to the bowel) which took about 5 torturous days. But at the end we worked on finding a maintenance dose which we are on 1 every other day (10 months later). What really worked for us was a toilet time bag that was kept in the bathroom and the same at nursery and other house's we visited (pre lockdown). He only had access to this bag at toilet time which is 20 mins after every meal and before bed. In the bag was a cheap timer set for 5 mins and some bubbles (blowing helps open the bowels), drawing pad, pen and book. Things in the bags on rotation so he never got bored and he genuinely got excited about going to the toilet. He rarely had a movement at first but that wasn't really important, more about setting the routine. His nursery were fully supportive which massively helped. It has now got to the stage where he will have a movement most days and is very happy to sit on the toilet. Hope that helps

[Sut6557]

Thank you. As she’s still not potty trained and seems to have a fear of the potty we are gradually getting her to sit after each meal - albeit fully clothed at the minute but this is progress. We are on day 8 of 8 sachets a day and not at rusty water stage yet as the ERIC helpline suggested. I have found them more useful than consultants!