My hope when setting up this page was to pass on the things I've learnt on my endo journey that I wish I'd known sooner. I also want to give an insight into what my life with endometriosis is really like. The raw honest truth not the well edited, photoshopped and economical "truth" that I felt I had to present to everyone. Tonight I'm giving an insight into my thoughts and feelings.
Today I have been in a lot of pain, the pain has not relented at any stage. The opioids have made my skin itchy, they have made my stomach nauseous, they have made my head fuzzy but they have not diminished the pain. Today the endometriosis has been my master, I have been totally subservient. Sometimes it feels like the disease is who I am. I know there are lots of inspirational quotes that my illness does not define me, my disease is not my identity and statements of that nature...it has occurred to me lately that I personally do not entirely agree with this sentiment.
For me endometriosis and myself are synonymous. We go hand in hand everywhere - reluctantly yes - but nevertheless my endo is always with me. Now my endo monster tortures me, it torments me and it exhausts me but it's my monster. I know my endo inside out; I know what ticks it off, I know what soothes the beast, I know what it's early signs are, I know what foods and beverages it doesn't like. Sometimes yes it can be a tad unpredictable but for the most part I know my endo. Most of my decisions in life have been shaped by my endo; because of the pain I was, what I felt capable of doing, how tired I was. The relationships and friends I have have been influenced by my endo; people have both walked in and out of my life because of my endo. As I lay here tonight in pain, unable to sleep, exhausted and emotional next to my wonderful partner I realise everything I have has been influenced by my endo. So for me my endometriosis is definitely one of my defining characteristics and I am proud of that. In an ideal world I'd be endo free but life doesn't work that way. Given the hand I was dealt and where I am now, I'm damn proud of where me and my endo have ended up. I am Laurene Harte and I have Endometriosis.