Enc. plays fast and loose with my memory/ies these days. When I wake up I carry fragments of the dreams around with me and they pop up now and again and confuse me. The same thing happens with memories, "Did I do that/say that?". So I have to keep grounding myself, slowing down my breathing to reduce anxiety and find somewhere to sit down.
I never get hungry and can't taste most things so eating and cooking are meaningless. I made the mistake of drinking wine over Christmas, a whole bottle with a meal. Several times I'm afraid to say. After two or three glasses I couldn't care less. A very nice feeling but I think it stopped my anti-depressants and I ended up with a crashing down spiral which lasted a few days. Off to the bottle bank with half a dozen bottles and a vow to stay sober. Best Wishes to all, G2
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Gandalf2
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Hey Gandalf2 – always love hearing from you. Hope you’re OK. I definitely ‘drink’ much less these days – a hangover is not an option with my two little boys on the scene!
When it comes to dreams, the hundreds of dreams I had at hospital were so vivid, I took me a long long time to realise they weren’t true! I hear people talk about vivid dreams but they definitely can’t compete – I really thought mine were REAL life. On my return home from hospital, I did tell my neighbour I’d dreamt he was at hospital with me and then suddenly left to become the new prime minister. Clearly this wasn’t true but I was confused to find out he hadn’t been at hospital at all.
Unrelated news but today I went to same hospital I was at for nearly 4 months (a whole year and a half ago now – we don’t count do we?!) to play guitar in the intensive care ward and and another - where I spent so much time 18 months ago - just for the patients and staff. It was great and they really appreciated it. I really appreciate them! Happy story 😊
The brain when even slightly damaged does strange things to your memory and general day to day living , if we could just get a small guy to get in there and sort that wiring out, be a great feeling to pull words and what we did a few hours up straight away . Again
I just had to say, when I wrote my first book about my illness and recovery I wanted to find a way to have a simple title and a picture that explained it. This was the picture I used (created with OpenAI DALL-E2). You just made me think of it with your description. It also allowed me to use the title "Closed for Repairs"
G2 I keep away from alcohol and foods that give you that rush , that’s when I remember to eat! I have set my phone to tell me every hour to drink and three times a day to eat . The things we have to do do! Hope your keeping well my friend
thank you for that insight. I really feel for you. I have known that after affect of dreams before where for moments I think something was real but wasnt but generally it fades quickly. I must admit, in the early years of recovery for me, when I couldnt communicate or actually think, I used to sleep a lot longer (maybe 40-50% longer than before or since). Part of that was I found that where I couldnt think or process when awake, in my dreams I could speak and make decisions and somehow that was one of my greatest comforts.
I dont know whether that is what was actually happening (ie whether I could really do those things in my dream ie that part of my brain was unaffected) or it was some kind of feeling I could do this that fooled me in my sleep. However I always wondered whether the sleep it parts of my brain would have also been affected as well. Interestingly I have no recollection of my dreams changing in nature as i recovered.
This whole fragmentation thing makes it so much more complicated. I have years I only remember in fragments with no grounding of when these things happened (just in my "dark ages"). For things I remember isolated images or moments, it does make me question myself.
Ever since I had the encephalitis, dreams have became pretty important to me. My life with encephalitis actually started with a dream. Long story short, at the end of the first dream, I was poisoned by someone I worked with and was lying on the ground dying...to then suddenly wake up and find out I was actually in the hospital! Luckily a nurse was there when I woke up and told me everything I had actually been through...but a little part of me still had a feeling that the dream was actually a real memory and was the actual reason I was in the hospital because I pretty much can't remember anything else apart from the dream.
Ever since that, dreams have been pretty interesting. The amount of times I've fell for them is crazy but it's funny. Always makes me smile with the stuff I can come up with.... but one I had about a year ago kinda scared me even though it was funny at first. In the dream, I basically came out and told everyone in my family that I actually still had encephalitis and was just acting "normal" and cheated my way out of all the tests in hospital to get out! Had a good laugh when I woke up...
3 days later, I had to go to the opticians because I had this big weird black dot suddenly appear in my right eye sight. Guess what.... encephalitis had struck again. First round 5 years ago was the left side of the brain, second round was my right eye instead.
Dreams are definitely interesting. I lost my lovely Mum in 2011. A couple years later, after having encephalitis, I dreamed she was standing outside my Dad’s gate . She shouted to me , “Hurry up! Hurry up! I haven’t got much time!” I rang to her and we hugged fiercely . It was so real that I wept with shock and joy, and even I saw fine details like my tears and my running nose drip on her shoulder. In the dream I stood back to look into her eyes , but instead I woke up and found that I looking at my bedroom ceiling , and it was 2am in the morning . The next day we found out that my Mum’s brother, my uncle, had died unexpectedly that night . That dream has affirmed for me that there is a life beyond this one.
Hi G2 . Alcohol is a problem for lots of us , unfortunately. I had half a bottle of wine during a reunion with my 3 best friends who I went to school with. It was a lovely evening, but I got home and had a huge epileptic seizure. I’ve not drunk alcohol since then. I hope you’re feeling brighter now.
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Thoughts and ideas since starting this trial 
(500) Days Like This
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