Concerned about my Carer's heath

[Paula-38]

Hi all,

My elderly Dad still is my carer ever since my Mum passed away. But this year in particular I have started to feel like his carer although I have profound OCD. Ok he does most of the compulsions for me, but he forgets I have asked him for reassurance the previous day /night. I have to make all his to do lists out for him and even tell him what day it is and what we did i.e yesterday etc. I have become his gardener, it looks like I will become his housekeeper next and he relies on me to remind him for medical appointments which he always says he will cancel them because of my OCD or he doesn't see the point in doing do but I certainly do. I am all he has left really if it's for something extremely personal that only I am allowed to look at/touch because I'm his next of kin. I am a dab hand at keeping both of us on track and jogging his memory now and then. He won't go to a memory clinic because he remembers his D.O.B address, age, etc but other things he doesn't and he won't admit it.

He has never had Encephalitis or nothing . It just adds on extra responsibilities for myself and wouldn't know where to start.

I apologise for ranting on a bit

[Wygella]

I’m so sorry Paula. This must be really really hard to see and feel like a such a responsibility. Thinking of you.

[Paula-38 in reply to Wygella]

Thank you so much Wygella! Over the last less than a year or so, I spoken to him about dementia UK and the Alzheimers Society like we did for my Mum but no he won't hear of any of it and tells me not to phone any of them as he doesn't think it's necessary . I have no idea when the right time is really to start looking into it more. I sometimes wish I didn't have OCD so I could do more, because most of the things he would need me to look at and/or touch I totally avoid the rooms they are in altogether. I have to get my hierarchy out again (a list of all my wretched obsessions/fears everything I avoid and start with the one that causes me the least anxiety first so I hope to be in a better position to help him better.

I won't go on because this forum is for ourselves with the after effects of Encephalitis (not to be moaning about how to look after our carer's )

[Wygella in reply to Paula-38]

But at least we know and it’s good to get it off your chest.

[Remos]

Hi Paula,

It sounds like your having a bit of a challenging time at the moment. It must be difficult enough for you having to live with OCD in itself. Having to support your father in the way you describe is obviously an added complication. However, it sounds like you both support each other but in different ways. You’re always such a positive and caring person which shows in the support you give us as an ES volunteer - but everyone needs to be able to reach out to others sometime for a little support themselves.

So stay positive (I know you will) and keep up your good work. We’re all thinking of you.

Take care.

Remos

[Paula-38 in reply to Remos]

Thank you so much Remos!

[AliBBeerDrinkerSing]

I don’t really have any advice Paula, but you’re doing great and sounds like you’re doing all the right things.I think a lot of older people struggle to accept help- particularly when it comes from their children! Keep strong and keep ranting when you need to- it’s what we are here for!

[Paula-38 in reply to AliBBeerDrinkerSing]

Thanks so much AliBeerDrinkerSing.