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Birthday Dilemma

Hello every one I currently have a dilemma. One of my friends has invited me to their birthday party but it is on a Friday after school. I know come friday Im always physically drained and usually need to rest after school.I don't know what I should do considering the party itself is very active.I also have anxiety and the whole situation is making me very anxious and on edge I have no idea what to do!! Does any one have any suggestions to help me?

5 Replies


With a condition like ME, as you know, you are limited in how much you can do before you reach your limit and start making yourself worse.  That limit differs from person to person and from day to day.

My advice would be, if this person really is a friend they will either already know this or you will be able to explain this in a way they understand.  If they are not prepared to understand then they aren't really a friend are they?.   

Providing you genuinely think there is a chance you will make it, if I was you I would just tell them that your intention is to be there if you can, and for as long as you can.  But given your condition, given the way it fluctuates, given that pwme have to spend their lives making choices as to what they are going to spend their limited energy on, then if you turn up and how long you last will depend entirely how you feel on the day.

Personally when I was really ill I missed a family wedding and a friends wedding because I wanted to rest and try and get better. But I have regretted it ever since.  So now my philosophy is I make as certain as possible that I don't miss out on the important events in life, the things you only get one shot at, and the rest of it depends on how I feel.  

It does mean you have to prepare in advance as much as possible, and be prepared to rest as much as possible afterwards.  But only you can make the decision whether that event is important enough to you to warrant using up however much of your energy you think you are going to need for it.  No one else can make that decision for you and any true friend would understand.

If you do make it, enjoy it as much as you can.


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It's so difficult for a young person who wants to be like his/her peers. I help a young man who tries hard to hide what he is experiencing and to keep going when he is 'dying'. For example, in his photography studies they asked him to stand to be photographed by the other class members. This involved being on his feet for a longish period and he tried to decline but they wanted to include him and just though he was being 'shy' but really he wanted to do it. He would not tell them that he was too fatigued and in too much pain and he just posed as they insisted. He couldn't cope with 'loosing face' in front of his classmates. People will say, "Come on, you're young, wait til you get to my age!" It's very difficult to explain the illness that fluctuates so much. And it's difficult to explain how that you are ill. If you had some other illness they'd all know how to help, or at least send you cards or raise money to help you! Perhaps you need to get a presentation by someone about ME for you school and ask the school to do fund-raising for more Advocacy Services or one of the other projects for ME? What do you think?

All the very best,


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Things to consider when making up your mind ---

1. Will going make you happy - then go, everyone needs a little cheering up 

2. Will not going make you sad  - then go, you will not be resting effectively if you are unhappy about missing out

3. Always consider 1/2 an outing or even a 1/4 that way you get a little bit of fun and don't have to pay too much. Maybe arrive a bit late and go home early, or if you think the beginning will suit you more choose that bit.

Things to consider if you do go ---

1. Try to get ready in time to have a rest before you actually go

2. Think if there is anywhere that you can take time-out to just have a 10 minute break, Even plenty of trips to the toilet for a quick sit down can help!

3. Consider taking an afternoon off school for extra recovery it is better to do this than make yourself worse. Don't feel guilty about taking time off, you are trying to live a balanced life under really difficult circumstances. 


If you really feel you can't attend why not arrange to do something else with your friend on another day? That way you will extend her birthday and (hopefully) make her feel special. Can you arrange something like taking friend out for afternoon tea at the weekend?


St John's wart takes a while to get in system and work it works on anxiety ibs depression not an instant cure have to take regular does help take all time can get in Tesco buy two get one free its herbal natural rather then drugs try relaxing drs whales etc find which is best for you you could talk to Tesco chemist ask their advice hope you manage to get to go I put CD on when go to bed when I know I will lay stressing I fall asleep listening 


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