I did not understand what gaslighting meant. However, now I do and I also was gaslighted by a couple of my doctors in the past.....which has cost me greatly in my health. Here is a new site for understanding gaslighting and what to do if you are a victim of medical gaslighting.
Brief explanation.... it means when your doctor tells you to lose weight and all your pain will go away, or it is all in your head, or it will go away on its own..... I am sure there are more examples.
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Bassetmommer
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Or when emergency department staff keep prescribing panadol for severe bladder pain, and bleeding when I don't take pain killers of any kind (due to intolerance) and ultimately, after years later diagnosis of Interstitial Cystitis with bladder splits and fissures & prescribed a specialised diet -painkillers-are-contraindicated-and-can-excerbate-pain/bleeding. (Besides being useless when in severe pain.)
Oh yes, and the treatment by some of these drs during years of patronising put downs/gas lighting/farcical treatments used to fob me off -has earnt me the right to use a lower case "d" when using the title, "dr".
From my experience over the decades, the medical profession uses patient-blaming to cover their own individual incompetences, as well as, the systemic lacks in medical dr training in recent times.
Doctors are human beings. They make mistakes. They do not know all the answers. Some are excellent, some are very questionable. That is where you must be your own advocate. It is very important to have a general physician (primary) whom you trust and have had over time good experiences with. One that is not afraid to say "I can't figure it out but we will find someone who can". An Emergency room physician should not be prescribing to you any type of medication that you should be taking long term. In my experience with the ER (I had a lot over the years as I cared for my elderly parents, and also an occasion or two for myself) every time I was discharged, if I was given prescription, it was for a very limited time and the instructions were to see my own physician (either as soon as possible, or within get an appointment, etc.). Also with each and every visit I made to the ER (my own or for others) at discharge the on call hospital doctor would say "I spoke to your doctor", or "I called your doctors office", and they developed a plan for discharge.
One time my father fell and hit his head and was disoriented. The ER "doctor" put the fear of God into us speaking about surgery, potential bleed in the brain, seriousness, etc., etc. Our family doctor was in the hospital visiting patients and when he got the call my father was in the ER he came to see him. We told him what they were telling us. He said immediately, "no way". We will give him (my father) some plasma treatments, keep him tonight, and he will likely go home the next day. And he did.
Wow, what an experience with your father. I have a friend who had similar but opposite experience. His wife fell and hit her head. She did not go to the hospital right away but then developed a severe headache later. They went to the hospital; they discharged her. Day later, she felt even worse, they called an ambulance, on the way to the hospital, she had a seizure.... then several more in the hospital..... and then she was brain dead on life support. They let her go. You just never know.
My brother in law died last year from a simple fall. He was going down a flight of stairs in his home. Fell, hit his head. After a short time (60 minutes) he seemed disoriented, trouble walking. They took him to the hospital (ER). He was admitted but it was too late to do anything. They could take a chance and do a brain operation but it was so close to the spinal column there was a high chance he would be paralyzed and no promise the operation would work anyway. It was impossible to decide to operate or not. The "hospital doctors" were very young, very indecisive and seemed unable to make a recommendation. His regular physician came to the hospital, looked at tests, etc., and immediately decided "let him go" and turned off life support. Again an example of needed a family doctor you can trust and not just listen to strangers (doctors) in the hospital.
RickHow: you have stated you’ve had a "couple of ER trips" (an understatement, surely) and also with your elderly parents.
I am truly sorry for your health issues and your past experiences. I would never presume to know how you have suffered.
However, your above post basically disputes my own experience with ER and other drs.
Besides, misattributing me with your statement:
"An Emergency room physician should not be prescribing to you any type of medication that you should be taking long term" (which-I-never-wrote-or-implied) .....................through your misunderstanding(?) of the point of drs ignoring my reasons for no painkillers and then prescribing a token painkiller -gaslighting, no?
And your presumption I have never been my own advocate? Where on earth have you gotten that impression?
(I must admit, being on this forum of very aware people, I did assume that it was understood that most, if not all, of us are advocating for ourselves.)
Clearly, you have not understood.
Let me make it completely obvious to you:
I have suffered as per Bassetmommer's topic.
I also have experience advocating. Over decades.
-Not only for myself but for my children, and also, my dying husband and my elderly parents. In addition to being a volunteer advocate for the disabled.
Your only advice is in your final sentence and “point”,
"Have a doctor you can trust."
-Stating the obvious to an experienced person, simply serves as patronisation. We would all like a dr we can trust.
I have noticed that people can get very irritable (understandable) and then also try to diminish other peoples’ experience (attention seeking and/or displacement, misdirected anger at themselves?). None of this is conducive to learning. Nor would I think that is the point of this website.
However, I do think your post is a good demonstration of presumption and gaslighting.
Wait, are you a retired dr?
I still maintain my opinion from direct experience re the topic: the medical profession uses patient-blaming to cover their own individual incompetences, as well as, the systemic lacks in medical dr training in recent times.
I hear your anger at your past situations. However, I really do not think Rickhow was saying anything personally to you but more in general to everyone on the forum as to his own experience about gaslighting. And if your reread both your comments, as I have done, you both are in agreement. Nor was he diminishing your personal experience but more in camaraderie, was sharing his.
His comments about being an advocate, (which you demonstrated you are) and to having a doctor you can trust is true for all of us.
thanks....I have no clue what I said could be interpreted the way it was. I feel little need to defend my comments as anyone on this forum knows that NONE of which I was accused of, is true. Thanks for your trying to make that clear.
I have no clue why you would write such a thing to me or be offended by a single comment I said. I don't want to discuss it other than to say in your reply you say that things I said were never mentioned by you (example, the first line of your original post says "emergency department...keep prescribing panadol". I was saying this is inappropriate to be prescribed anything by an ER to take long term (keep prescribing). Now you say you never said such a thing and somehow I, a mere forum participant, am gaslighting you? Your long, and may I say insulting response does not warrant further discussion. This forum purpose is to SHARE opinion, advice, and most importantly our own experiences. That is what I always do, what I did, in this case, and will continue to do as I have for years. My original post did NOT diminish you, it did not accuse you of not being your own advocate but actually urged you to be and if you feel gaslighted by doctors (and now by me) there is nothing more I can say. I will never read one of your posts again. I have stage 4 cancer along with CKD and my days are numbered and I have always given what I have received from other members of this forum....support, advice, discussion, deferring opinions, etc.
I think it best that I simply leave this forum as it has become less than it used to be due to members such as yourself. To disagree is part of the purpose of any forum, but not to the extreme you have taken it.
Thank you for the link, Bassetmommer. 👍
It's good to gather support for protection against medical misappropriation.
Bassetmommer: RickHow wrote to me directly:
"An Emergency room physician should not be prescribing to you any type of medication that you should be taking long term."
-At no time did I write that an ER physician prescribed long-term medication
And, "That is where you must be your own advocate."
-Presumption, no?
And, "The point? Have a doctor you can trust."
-Stating the obvious, yes?
Bassetmomer, I was simply replying to your post, "What to do if you are being gaslighted by your doctor" and your last sentence, "I am sure there are more examples."
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