Bad day

[floozeanne]

Today has been a bad day.

Constantly playing catch up and never managing to.

Drop the 11 year old at her friends

Then off to see the doctor about my swollen legs and feet and the cut on the palm of my hand that I got on Saturday when I fell over and ended up with a large, sharp stone embedded in the palm of my hand.

Next stop the chemist to pick up antibiotics for the hand which is now infected (Doc said 'the good news is it's stopped bleeding, bad news is that they didn't put stitches in on Saturday 'cos it's too late now and it's going to take a lot longer to heal and leave a nasty scar - think he said something about secondary healing or scarring???)

Oh, almost forgot the compression socks for my poor swollen legs.

Back home to help 13 year old with his homework.

Call work to discuss phased return next week.

Off to collect 11 year old, she's not ready.

Ok, so head off to hospital speech therapy appointment instead, in the pouring rain, wearing fit flops because my swollen feet won't fit into anything else! Lower back aching, everything stiffening, wet, uncomfortable, fed up!

Hey, guess what. I'm loud! Louder than last year! At last, something that my body is good at!

Hand throbbing, feet throbbing, back throbbing, I head off to collect 11 year old.

Rush home, collect kit, drop her at Taekwondo.

Back home, help 13 year old with homework.

Back out to collect 11 year old, home, quick change, drop her at first aiding.

Back home, pick up 13 year old, drop him at Taekwondo.

Collect 11 year old from first aiding, take her home.

Other half has a go at me 'cos I'm not going to bed until late, he feels I'm not trying, I feel I can't help it. He feels fed up, put upon, tired. I feel fed up, resentful, I didn't ask for this, I can't help what the drugs do to me.

Back out to collect 13 year old.

Home, eat, hang up washing, bed, email, surf, make beads, bracelets, broaches (pictured). Don't want to sleep, TOO FED UP!

[carolineb211]

I have 4 children and well remember the days of rushing here, there and everywhere. I did it all myself and the cooking, washing, shopping as my husband worked long hours.

I wish I could go back to those days, although they were hard, the house feels empty now they are all grown up. Only have my 19 year old still at home but he is hardly ever here. Husband still works long hours.

He does help me whenever he can, does most of the shopping, he sometimes cooks and even helps with the washing.

Is there no-one that could help you do the running about? another parent maybe?. Then you could take some time for yourself, have a facial or a massage or get your nails done, perhaps you would feel better in yourself then.

I can understand your husband feeling you are not making the effort, this is, to a large extent an invisible disease, so it is difficult for others to appreciate how hard it can be at times. (If you are anything like me you just keep on going)

Have you told the neuro about how you are feeling?. Depression is all part of the condition, they may be able to help too.

Hope you have a better day today x

[soup]

Hi Floozeanne,

I am a carer but luckily not working and with no children to run after.(Been there, got the t-shirt.) I catch myself being resentful of the unpredictability of Parkinson's. The, "How does he need me to do that today when he was up a ladder yesterday?" sort of thought.

Are you in the UK? If you are, you should have a local Information and Support Worker who will be able to come and talk to both of you about the condition. It always helps me when my husband hears something from an 'expert'. He believes experts even though I have been saying the same things to him for weeks. The Parkinson's website will help you find that ISW.

Let the Parkinson's Nurse know about your swollen legs, it can be a sideffect of some medications. GPs don't always know about such things.

Keep coming to this site and try to get your husband along too. he might find he's not the only one angry and feeling guilty or put upon.

Keep your chin up

Sue

[PatV]

You're amazing. I second above suggestions. My kids and grandkids grown and I rarely see. Take a moment to look at them and enjoy. Take a deep breath. Hang in

[tlongmire]

I so admire people like you. Try to take a little time for yourself if you can possibly find a way. Hang in there.

Hugs, Terri

[Carrigan]

You need help and advise as the above, keep getting in touch even it is for a moan we are listening . Take care x

[Joyable]

Wow - I'm worn out from your day's schedule and all while dealing with medical issues & pain. Don't think I could do it. And then in the midst of everything your husband says you're not trying! Not a good time to hear that. Hope he was only referring to sleeping. If he was referring to more than that, I'd make sure he gets educated in detail about your PD symptoms and how they affect your functioning & can cause real pain? Hope you can get him on this site. May get a better feel for how it is for you. Maybe he has no clue. He should be saying, "Wow - how do you do it?"

On the other hand, your husband may be pushing you to get to sleep earlier because he is worried about how not getting enough sleep affects your health. Maybe you're overly sensitive to that because you so badly need time for yourself at the end of the day. You may feel especially fed up when he talks about it while you are in the midst of a hectic & painful day. If he is frustrated he may say you aren't really trying but actually not even really mean it.

Wonderful that LOUD is working for you. Good thing you are awake enough at the end of the day to have some time for yourself online & making jewelry. But since a good night's sleep makes us healthier & feel so much better, you may have to cram more sleep into your schedule - fed up or not. Yet, I agree with the others that it is important for you to take time out for your own enjoyment. Any arrangements you can make to have others help with your busy schedule - especially on hectic days - would give you a break and relieve stress.

[CheriH]

Thinking of you Floozeanne and hoping today is a better day for you. My children are grown; however, I remember those days well.....struggling to work, taking care of the children, being a wife and all the while sick. It gets to be overwhelming and tiring. You're pushing yourself so hard that your health is suffering even more so. Please try to make some time for yourself. I know that is easier said than done especially with children to take care of; but you might find that you will feel a little better if you do. Hang in there, friend.

Cheri

[Parkie35]

It always seems never ending, I can relate... I have a son full time at home that is 10 and two bonus daughters that are 9 & 5. Always chaos, our bodies just can't handle it - well know mine can't. Deep breath and know your not alone!

[floozeanne]

Hi All,

Thanks for the kind words and suggestions. I think I was just maxed out with everything and then the hand on top just got to me. Today has been slightly less hectic although still busy, took the 11 year old for her eye test and chose some new glasses, she looks very cool in them. The 13 year old was so impressed he booked himself a test for next week (although I'm pretty sure he has perfect vision)!

Anyway, just about to eat so ta ta for now and catch up with everyone soon. x

[Yogibear]

Wow, you are amazing. I actually loved reading your post as you are STILL CARRYING ON REGARDLESS. Made of metal. I have no kids and struggle I feel I could step it up a gear when I read your post. I agree talk to your PD Nurse re your legs and not sleeping. I think your brooch is fabulous and very artistic. For temporary relief take the support sock off and raise your legs. Lay on the floor and get your butt as close to the wall as you can and then raise your legs against the wall, close your eyes and breathe, take a little time out. xxxxxx I am glad I am not alone. Thank youxxx

[CJ49]

You sound like a very carring and devoted parent.....Your only downfall is your "big heart"......Believe me....your kids will "remember" all that you did for them.

Mine are all grown and every now and then give me a loving "well done, Mom", now that one has children of his own.

Try deep breathing exercises for the stress in your life.....it may not be the answer to all, but it helps.....along with your doctors instructions to help your physical pain.

I also have had life "dump" on me....after PD diagnosis in 2005 I've had my thyroid out because of cancer; can't get through any day without prescription pain meds for my scoliosis, and osteoarthriris,...have a disk in my spine that is out of allinement permanently-because surgery is a 50/50 risk; and now am waiting to find out if I have colon cancer......But what the heck!...Life is "still beautiful"....(it's too short a life to concentrate on the negatives, so I try to be grateful for every little positive I can find in any one day.)

A Big "Thumbs up" to you.....keep looking for that ray of "sunshine"....be it your jewelry making, reading, music enjoyment....whatever it takes!

[Brooke]

You are amazing. I ran around non stop for my kids before PD. I don't know how you do it. Please tke time out to rest,even a 15 min.power nap will help.God Bless

[floozeanne]

Much quieter day today.

Yesterday wasn't bad either!!! Took the 11 year old to the Velodrome at Herne Hill for her mountainbiking session and had a good 40 minutes to myself so took advantage and started re-reading 'The Rats' by James Herbert, what a blast from the past! Phone call from Other Half to say 13 year old had stormed out in a strop so waited around for him to turn up and managed to calm him down before his Mountain bike session.

Quick trip to Sainsburys (never really quick these days) to pick up the shopping, visit to the chemist to get measured for my support socks by a very nice and very young man!

Other half took the kids off to Nocturne at 5pm (cycling event up in Smithfields) and they didn't get back until gone midnight. Gave me time to sort out some bits in the garden, got some seeds in and sorted out the odd patches of grassless grass, pottered a bit, did some washing and folding, had a good soak in a bath full of bubbles, then put my feet up with a gin and tonic and the rats (the book and the pets).

Today have taken the 11 year old for her swimming lesson and cleaned out said rats. They are really cute and such fun. They get so excited when their cage gets cleaned and re-arranged, they spend a good half hour running around exploring everything. Had a lovely dinner of peppers stuffed with puy lentils and feta and am now settling down for an hour with the rats (book, not pets).

Night night all, x