This disease, combined with Depression/Anxiety Disorder and Hypersensitivity, has pretty much taken over my life. I can't go a day without having at least a few hours of almost unbearable, hellish torment. I shudder to think of what I'll be tempted to do if it progresses much further, since it's almost unbearable now. This despite exercise and adherence to the Mind Diet. I feel like my body has become some kind of self-torturing machine.
It has also convinced me that the Anti-Natalists are right, since, like Job, I curse the day I was born, and pity all of the kids who have come into being and are now certain to suffer. The various doctors and specialists can do nothing. And I still have to run errands and deal with taxes and forms and all of other nuisance and problems of life, and smile at people and pretend that I'm normal while suffering periods of major anxiety. When my legs feel weak and if I have to walk somewhere and appear normal t hose around me, I have to say to myself "Left, right, left, right" in order to distract myself from the pain. Often when I read a book or use my PC for a few hours, I'll get this weird dizziness or my head will "snap" into a new position (this is sort of like a spasm) and I'll drop the book.
I'm hoping that I can learn ways of dealing with this disease, other than gambling on the final method and hoping that the result is one which doesn't involve more suffering. I give quite a bit to charities, including the MJ Fox Foundation, and I'd like to think that I do this out of compassion, but my true reason is selfish- trying to buy Afterlife Insurance or the Stairway to Heaven or something similar, even though I'm basically an atheist. There are no certainties in life, which is one of its psychologically painful problems.
