Wrestle Mania: PwP vs Retinal Camera

[PDbyGrace]

The next time you have your eyes examined, you may be offered an alternative to dilating your eyes with drops. It is the Optos Daytona Non Myd Ultra Widefield Fundus Camera (a name I will hold in infamy until the day all things are made new). It takes pictures of the internal structures of your eye, then sends color pictures to a handheld computer. It does not require dilation. No dilation, no drops. No drops, no discomfort or delays. Obvious decision, right? As John Wayne replied in the movie, Big Jake, “Not hardly.”

I was led out of the examination room to this machine. First, I noticed it seemed pretty bare. There were none of the characteristic nobs and various stabilizing devices, with which I had become familiar up to that point in my examination. Then I wondered about the black dot in the middle—what was it? how was I supposed to interact with?

A young man, in his late teens or early twenties, took custody of me, led me to the mysterious device, and told me to look into the lens with my left eye. That didn’t seem so difficult, even though I was going to have to squat down a little.

As my eye was about to touch the eyepiece, my instructor said to me, “Push against it, by moving your head forward, until a green light comes on. If the light is blue, you are too far away and need to push harder, if the light turns red, you are too close and you need to pull back a little bit.

Oh, did I mention I was a little dyskinetic (jerky muscle movement) at the time?

Red-blue-red-blue-green for a split second-blue-red-blue-GREEN-binding yellow flash!

WHAT WAS THAT? Did we get it?

My handler calmly said, “You have to hold it in the green longer.” I informed him, my Parkinson’s was going to make that very difficult, if not impossible. He was going to have to hit a moving target. He acted like he didn’t hear me.

I was able to get the yellow light to flash several more times, but it was always, “No joy!”

My young mentor said, “Try keeping your eyes open when you see the flash.”

Are you kidding me?! There is no way I can hold my eyes open with that intense of a flash. My blink reflex is too strong and fast. (Curiously, my bradykinesis (slow muscle movement)t was no help.) He added, ‘Turn .your head to the right a little.” I complied, got some flashes, but not an image he could use.

So my nemesis added a new step to the crazy choreography, “Hold you eyelids open.” Really?

So now,

I’m squatting just enough to engage my weakening quad muscles.

I’m straining to turn my head to the right, against rigid neck muscles, while keeping my eye in the proper position.

I”m playing “WiiFit” with my left eyeball.

I’m fighting against an undefeated, instinctive reflex..

i’m trying to hold my eyelids open with my fingers.

People with Parkinson’s thrive in this kind of environment. Everyone knows we are at our best, when we are multi-tasking.

I told my post-adolescent tormentor, “This is just not going to work.” No response. To be honest, I don’t think he meant to be rude or insensitive. I think he was just young, shy and following instructions. .

A young lady, who seemed to have more experience, entered the fray. I thought she might see the futility of the situation and shut it down.

What was I thinking?

She decided to help me hold my head still.

So

as she pressed the left side of my face firmly against the machine,

my right hand holding my eyelids open,

my left hand holding on to the side of the machine to steady myself,

I pushed the limits of my ocular dexterity to get a clear picture of my optic health.

How could this not work?

Reality finally showed up.

Mercifully, the doctor sent word to release the prison…, i mean patient. I was escorted back to the exam room. She did the examination without dilating my pupils and said everything looked fine. I said, “Sounds good. Thank you.”

It was time for Chik-fil-A!!’

Postscript: The account above is what it felt like to me in the moment. The doctor and staff were actually very courteous and showed extreme patience. They had three strikes against them going up to bat—a Patient with Parkinson’s, a strong protective blink reflex and droopy eyelids.