Hubby has PD. Of late, when he asks for something/assistance with something he wants the task done right then and there. I am losing my patience. HELP
Today, I have my gloved hands in chlorox cleaning the sink and he is handing me his sun glasses to wipe them off. I said give me a minute so I can finish .... he immediately walked the two steps to reach for the paper towels to clean off his glasses. He could not wait a minute even when physically seeing me with gloved hands in sink and the chlorox bottle by the sink. I loudly said geez you couldn't even wait for me to get the gloves off my hands and had to walk into another room.
This is just one example. Its too early for me to have a glass of wine.
Any suggestions?
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LindaP50
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De-dramatize with a smile by means of positive communication and with a lot of patience and love, such as distracting him from that on which he is fixed in a kindly positive way. The benevolent and not hostile intention towards him will make the difference. 😀😀😀
I certainly don't want to loose my patience with him that's for sure. He's the love of my life and we've adjusted many things since he was diagnosed with PD.
Sinemet 5 tablets daily (trying to get him back down to 4) and the B-1, 2 in am and 1 at lunch, along with Hydroxurea (for a blood disorder he's had for 15 years). CBD oil for arthritic pain.
I too thought it was a personality or behavior change. I tried to explain to him when he makes a request he wants what he wants seconds after he makes the request but he doesn't believe me!
You mentioned that you are trying to lower his dose of carbidopa levodopa. Could this be related to his behavior? Does he have off times?I know I feel less than patient and pretty crummy if I am in an off time with my meds.
Is his arthritic pain well controlled with the CBD oil? If not, I have seen quite a few people who become short with others or impatient when they have significant pain. There are other options for arthritic pain which may work as well or better than CBD oil at less cost, especially if it is a type of CBD oil that was purchased on line.
Yes, the pain is controlled. But, now that you mention becoming short with others or impatient makes me think its just frustration. Perhaps he's frustrated with his current situation and doesn't realize his impatient behavior upsets me. Cause he doesn't and this is just not him.
A well timed, gentle conversation discussing how his frustration is causing you frustration may be in order soon! Letting him know how his actions are affecting you and others is sometimes needed in order to give the other half time to reflect and reconsider the situation without anger coming into play. Timing is critical and you are the one who would best know when the right time for that discussion would be!
It's my opinion that the Parkinson's husband is so caught up in his misery, he doesn't see how hard his impatience is on his wife, he simply sees her as a caretaker who needs to help him immediately. Like a toddler.
It seems to me that he is capable of doing certain things for himself and that it may take the pressure off you if he does more to help you. Praise him for his "understanding" that you were caught up with an unpleasant task and maybe he will begin to see how demanding he is becoming.
Fantastic. I am the person with PD in my family and I know the more I do myself the better I feel and the more I am able to do. Hopefully your husband will feel the same and release you from some of your caring duties.
Sorry, no suggestions but if it's any consolation, my husband is the same. He's also in a lot of pain most of the time which, as chartist says, could be a contributing factor.
Mine is a bit more patient and apologises that now I have to do everything, yet where there is things he can do to help it doesn’t often occur to him to do them.it is as if some of his reasoning isn’t working well.
You know, sometimes he asks me to do something he can do, too. I thought he just forgets or like to be "King" (from the show "Merlin" we were watching so we make jokes so he accepts my help and say its good to be "King"
I know some days he feels so ill he can’t do something he used to but then it is like that job disappears forever from his radar of things he can do! The list of can dos is shrinking. But I can’t get annoyed or cross with him because if I am cross with him he gets into this cycle of self loathing that makes him sicker then he won’t even get up.
oooh i would hate to have that result, make him not want to do anything. Guess, I'll just have to find ways to say without yelling that if I had 3 hands i could help you right now but since i don't you will have to wait 2 minutes. Ha Ha!
Hubby was never lazy. He isn't lazy now, just can't do all the things he used to do. What PD has done to him is make him tired.
Tiredness, pain, or impairment can cause him to ask you to do things that he is capable of doing, but would rather not because it is to painful or difficult. I am not saying you have to agree to it, but rather that he may not have an improper motive for making the request.
Change husbands? Or maybe make him aware that you are a human being and he has to accept that inferior status. He is obviously spoiled rotten! You will have to start educating him.
You know I think different peoples Pd symptoms are different. Some people like John here is obviously not having trouble in this area because otherwise he would realise it isn’t a matter of making him feel guilty or training him. It’s like the part of the brain that used to think of doing something proactively has shut down. I’m not sure how you retrain that. He has now started fairly regularly forgetting to take his evening pills. So I think I have to now take over remembering for him. But his normal memory for playing bridge etc is excellent . Much better than mine. It’s a puzzle. One thing is for sure, I don’t think it’s laziness or forgetfulness, just another symptom.
Unless it is a reaction to the medication. Mine’s on sertraline and mirtazapine for anxiety and depression so I think they might be to blame. They have made him more Aspergers -like I think.
Are you assuming that he is aware of his shortcomings? We can be forgiven for not being aware of being difficult and short-tempered, among other things. Communication is the key to most problem-solving,
"... in joy and in pain, in health and in sickness, and to love and honor you all the days of my life, until death do us part." A spiritually elevated code of honor and divine love that measures the Your Personnal Greatness !
Every morning I get a cup of coffee, turn on the computer and head over to HealthUnlocked. I was VERY pleased to see so many replies to my HELP (I was quite frustrated with hubby yesterday). Heartfelt responses. Thank you so much!
My husband is honestly locked into his way of thinking. I don't think he is trying to get out of work or can be changed with strategies. His mind is working the way the Parkinson's affects it. He doesn't see that the demands he makes are too much, he is back to accepting that he has a "mother" who will take care of everything. We've been married 58 years now. I'm frustrated EVERYDAY and I no longer expect things to get better. But, my life has been good , great kids, wonderful place where i live, and Parkinson's was the luck of the draw.
Yes...perhaps you might re-think your view on when is a good time for some wine. Sources of frustration is big for both of you and it is not going away soon, thinking of such challenges as a marathon rather than a footrace (not slowing down, just slowing down the thinking) might help. And if he does something that he can do while waiting for you, the idea is that is a good thing, not a failure on your part, maybe it occurred to him after asking you that you were not in a position to get there lickity-split safely. Or you can just say "I was in a dangerous place to do that just at that second," and then you just let it roll off and say it's good to have you helping where you can, the exercise is useful anyway. By the way, that can happen with just aging anyway, doesn't have to only be a PD thing. In any case, if THIS was a big deal for you, maybe re-think your sense of proportion and give thanks, maybe many thanks. As Igor (Marty Feldman) in Young Frankenstein once said, "Could be worse...could be raining."
At that age he could be having multiple micro-bleeds already and not even know it. Mini-"TIAs." (TIA= "transient ischemic attack," tiny little strokes...they add up. ) My father had them, I am told I had them,but of course don't remember them (I'm 62)...and one can result, as with my friend, a freak occurrence but still did occur...in sudden permanent loss of central vision in his retinas. So assess the risks with an internist and eye-disease doctor and cardiologist including his current medical record and history. Always tread very carefully looking for the big picture.
Oh dear. I certainly hope not. He just met with the neurologist. Has a physical in 2 weeks. Saw an opthamologist last year all was good. Saw cardiologist last year
My Mom had TIA's which we didn't know it at the time but explained her behavior change.
And, he does have essential thrombocythemia (for at least 20 years) and will be seeing the hematologist tomorrow to check his platelets. Takes hydroxyurea.
Bless your heart! I am afraid apathy, luck of motivation and absence of fine motor skills are part of the PD package. My husband's fine motor skills are almost in tact, he even uses blade to shave, he mows the grass, shapes trees, irons clothes, changes sheets, folds laundry BUT always after I ask him to perform these tasks. They just can't see what it needs to be done, we have to ask for their help. Like you, at times, I feel like yelling for HELP as I lose my patience comparing the husband he used to be with the husband he is now. Like you, after 47 years of marriage with so many happy memories makes it hard not to stick with the men of our lives.
Ha! I'm sure I revert to denial land now and then. I now mow the grass. Even did a repair on the mower under the apprentice of my hubby. Kind of fun. Now do different things together.
His age actually helps me remember he can't do all the things he used to do and then there's PD.
An update - my husband made dinner yesterday. Pork chops with gravy (he makes good gravy), rice and some red cabbage. My heart was beaming. And my stomach delighted!
All the comments above which seek explanations for his behavior and suggest a gentle, calm, loving explanation how his behavior affects you shows how much grace there is in the crowd on this forum.
I'm far less charitable.
His having Parkinson's does not blind him to his behavior. Your description sounds like a prima donna to me.
There's no shortage of PWP in pain and debilitated and many in considerably more difficult situation then your husband who treat their spouse/caregiver with complete consideration and appreciation, just as there are many in the same situation who don't.
Factoid; it's a choice.
I don't see how our illness excuses, justifies or entitles us to have our caregivers perform tasks that we can do. I consider that using our illness to take advantage.
I would agree with having the 'gentle, loving, supportive conversation with him -- one time, then I'd tell him 'get over yourself -- man up.' That would actually be good for him. He'd feel better about himself.
Think hubby was going through some kind of stage and frustrated with his situation. He's never been a prima donna and would certainly be taken aback if someone thought he behaved like a prima donna. He's very grateful and thankful for my care and love.
From time-to-time I have to remind him, "You can do that" and then I walk away. He'll get it done.
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My husband's fine motor skills are almost in tact, he even uses blade to shave, he mows the grass, shapes trees, irons clothes, changes sheets, folds laundry BUT always after I ask him to perform these tasks. They just can't see what it needs to be done, we have to ask for their help. Like you, at times, I feel like yelling for HELP as I lose my patience comparing the husband he used to be with the husband he is now. Like you, after 47 years of marriage with so many happy memories makes it hard not to stick with the men of our lives. 
What unusual or bizarre things have you discovered about Parkinson’s?
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