I am new here but am hoping someone can advise me. My Mum is 89. Until Jan she lived fairly independently with me for support. Her memory was failing but otherwise in good health and hadn’t seen a GP for 5yrs. In Jan this year she developed a twisted bowel, now has a stoma. At the same time she had a stroke, lost the ability to swallow and now has a PEG, and is fed directly into her stomach via a pump which operates 10 hrs a day. She is effectively confined to a chair with access to a commode for all that time. The stroke has made her memory worse, caused dyspraxia and confusion. However, this is not immediately obvious. A ten minute conversation with the GP, when she assured him she was fine, would not have raised suspicions. She can remember most things for 10mins, but after 30mins it has all gone. The neuro therapists and the District nurses have all raised concerns about her mental state - but only after they had seen her often enough for the issue to reveal itself. They have all contacted the GP with their concerns but he still says, from what he saw on his one visit, that she is not impaired.
I spend all morning and half the afternoon with her, every day. If I don’t she forgets she needs to stay connected to the food pump and tries to walk off, disconnecting it. She needs a walking frame but forgets to take it with her, and there are countless other safety issues, and the inability to change her own stoma bag. We have carers to help her wash and dress in the morning (I do the school runs some mornings and afternoons) and another carer at night. The DNS call in twice a day. I spend about 42 hours a week with my mum, doing the shopping cleaning etc, in addition to safeguarding. We need to claim attendance allowance but won’t get anywhere without GP support. I love my Mum and want to help, and I love my granddaughters and can’t/ won’t reduce what I do for them, but unless we can get this allowance we will have to cancel the careers and I will have to be there first thing in the morning until she goes to bed, which is not possible. I am at my wits end on how to get her GP to see the real issues. I think he feels we are just being greedy and trying to claim something Mum does not really qualify for. How can I get the him to understand that not all memory issues are caused by Alzheimer’s - which was the test he gave her. All advice gratefully received.