I have in laws, both 80 plus. Father in law in temporary care after hospital.Requires lifting in and out of bed to wc to chair and reverse. Dementia getting worse. Mother in law is home after hospital. It nearly killed her with him being so demanding day and night for lat 2 years. She's just getting better now but fears same will happen if he returns home. Home would need great adaption to receive him back and nurses morning and night to move him. My wife has been run ragged looking after them both and we feel present situation is best for all but seems social services will want him home if he says so cause the only take in his wishes. Lots of ways to look at this I know and no experience of any of this. What do you think?
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igage
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It depends on local NHS/ social service habits. My father was in hospital for three months and they wanted to move him on, to gain a bed. We wanted him home (no dementia but several other medical issues) This meant adapting the home he shared with my elderly mother, providing a hospital-style bed and nurses/carers calling four times a day.
The NHS wanted him transferred to adjacent nursing home asap. I went through meeting after meeting to try to get him home, plus all the necessary support. Achieved it eventually but it took dedication and persistence, and weeks of setting up the new system. In our situation, NHS didn’t see home, added changes and care package as favourite at all.
So I would say, for a reverse outcome, emphasise the proven poor effect on your mother-in-law, and see where that gets you. You could also locate a nursing home with a vacancy for a patient with his dementia needs and work on arranging a transfer from hospital. It’s all very sad but very difficult to put one family member’s health and welfare above that of another. Good luck. I hope you find a solution that suits the happiness and capabilities of all family members.
Good advice given, in your circumstances the health and wellbeing of the carer ie his wife should be considered. But due to shortage of nursing home places it is supposedly easier to care for dementia patients at home which means you will have to emphasise the health issues that have occured with his wife just recently to even be considered. I hope you get it resolved to your best advantage as soon as possible every best wish for a good outcome.
Such a worrying situation but sadly this happens far too often. Nobody in authority on the ward or out in the district seems to want to listen or take count of the elderly carer's needs. I also have had to be assertive and stand up against doctors, nurses and others to get the right treatment and it is soooooo draining, emotionally, physically and mentally. Keep on speaking up for your in-laws and what is right for them and the best for your wife too. I hope you can get somebody on your side who will actually listen..... very rare breed these days but I hope someone will soon. Good luck to you all.
Your mother in law should also request a carers assessment so her wishes and impact on her is highlighted. This will also identify what support she may be entitled to.
Although the Focus will be to try and keep him home, understandably there must be consideration as to how safe the Home environment is and what equipment or adaptations are required and who is going to pay for it. The Occupational Therapist should advise on this also.
Often people lose sight of the carer in this type of scenario, so keep highlighting the difficulties and concerns you may have.
It now seems that 24 hour care is likely to be required for father in law and the possibility of him being sent home may be unlikely. An assessment of home is still to be carried out but this, I think, will only confirm the unsuitability of the property for adaption if that still were the case. Thankyou for your thoughts on this. I will update in the future.
Getting an assessment is easier said than done, we got a 29 page form to fill in and they wanted to fill it over the phone! Still waiting for someone to contact us to see what help we need with my husbands mobility after a recent fall,
I'm sorry to hear this and suggest you chase up the assessment. Sadly things get delayed, misplaced or just on a very long waiting list. A gentle reminder this is outstanding wouldn't hurt, especially if your husband has had a fall
Did this, eventually asked just a few questions about who did what in the household, Told Age Uk re occupational therapists would be in touch, they rang whilst out and would ring back later. When not having heard anything for a week rang hours later got call back. Now seeing them on 24 May! That is the lady who does the finance etc.
Lady eventually came and asked us what we would like? We are not yet trained as Occupational Therapists! enough said, have got door,handle on though which is useful so now almost back to,where we were before fall.
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Dilemma about dad
End of life : Caring at home
Dad doesn’t want to get out of bed
Your experiences please 
