The end

What happens when you’ve had enough and can’t care anymore

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You must get urgent help. Contact social services, Care for Carers, anyone who can help you. Respite can be arranged to give you a break. It is important to look after yourself or everyone will suffer. I think we have all been at that point at one time or another, a break really helps.

[Bananas5]

Totally agree with exhaustedwife.

I don't know it the Princess Royal Trust for Carers still exists or has amalgamated....start with social works though.. Don't take no from them either

x

[rogerc1957 in reply to Bananas5]

In relation to the Princess Royal Trust for Carers, it is part of Carers Trust now. It might help to know who is it you care for Pampas80 and what is their health issue(s). Apart from the specific charities targeting Carers, there is Revitalise who may be able to provide subsidised holiday breaks for you and your loved one. As the others have said, you need to reach out for help. It isn't a sign of failure or a lack of care for your loved one - it is more likely to be sheer exhaustion and no light at the end of the tunnel.

[sassy59]

My heart goes out to you and you’ve had two caring replies. Please take good care of you. Xxxx

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello and welcome to this supportive and caring community. Please take care of yourself, both 'exhaustedwife and Bananas5' are correct, now is the time to shout help! You don't say if you have carers that come in to help or any other care professionals who are in contact with you? First call is the Social Services and keep on contacting them until they come out or contact you, As well please contact your and your loved one's GP, and any other health professional that you have seen concerning the person you care for. Do you have respite care for the person you care for, or day care system in place? All these services can help you care for a loved one. I am sorry this information is so general, can you give us more so that we are able to be more specific please. Also please please don't feel guilty, or beat yourself up over the way you are feeling because it is a very natural and normal reaction when the caring role overwhelms us, and thank you for reaching out to this caring community to help.

Please keep in touch with us and let us know how things are. Very best wishes to you.

MAS Nurse.

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Hi Pampas80.

You've had some great answers from everyone else, but additionally, do make sure that your over-tiredness and maybe other aggravating factors haven't actually made you clinically depressed. Because that will definitely make you lose all sense of caring, whether that's for the one you care for, or yourself, and daily living becomes nigh on impossible.

There's no shame in it, if this has happened. Talk to a GP and see if it's a possibility. Sometimes even just a course of anti-depressant drugs is enough to tip your brain back into normal mode and help you feel you can go on coping.

But of course take all that other advice too, and get as much other help as you can manage to.

[gcorrell]

I offer a different answer. We all have the right to stop. Some lives, some burdens, are unbearable. But please follow the suggestions here to talk with someone, to join with your support, or find support, before you choose an ending of any kind. The most common mistake for those who have had enough is to think they have no alternatives. You need new perspectives, new ideas.

But I support and believe your feelings, and applaud that you expressed them here. Wanting to step away from the pain and the work is understandable, and with debilitating illness, with the care it requires, one feels stuck, trapped, hopeless. Let me suggest that hope comes in small doses, sometimes enough for a day, an hour, a minute. It is okay to hope that talking with someone, expressing the need to stop, might bring a grain of relief, and open some new doors.

I believe you. I understand what you are saying. I know this place from which you speak. Find others like me, who know you and have compassion, and sort out what you really want, what must change.

All love and comfort to you as you go thru this, Pampas80.

[Yatzy in reply to gcorrell]

I love your idea that hope comes in small doses, sometimes enough for a day, an hour, a minute. Thank you for that 💙

[gcorrell in reply to Yatzy]

I credit it to a wonderful book, “Hope in Small Doses” by Nikki Stern. She writes in practical terms about hope, how it does not require supernatural belief or extraordinary effort, but rather a calm awareness of the small hopes and encouragements all around us.

[Yatzy in reply to gcorrell]

Thank you for pointing me in that direction. I’ve now downloaded it onto my kindle reader, and look forward very much to reading more! Sounds to be a promising guide.