This is something I hear quite often. Being an only child can be a lonely experience when faced with the responsibility of having to make some major decisions for an elderly parent. Not having a brother or sister to share the decision making process can be hard
Who do you turn to for support? Is it friends, other family members?
In my early 40s I -- my parents' only child -- suddenly became responsible for my 80 year mother when my father died suddenly. My friends were geographically distant and my adult children were living on their own. I turned to my husband for support but had no need for his help in decision making. I credit my father with having raised his only child as a girl who could blaze a forest trail, build a kayak and become a woman who could make her own decisions.
There have been times when people like to bounce thoughts off each other be reassured they are making the right decisions if a parent is needing to go into care
Some of these decisions are so emotionally driven, people struggle with whether they are doing the right thing or not and just need someone to say it's okay
I am an only child and really struggled dealing with my late father last year. He refused to go into a care home although he would not co-operate with the carers, and had to be taken in hospital against his will which is an experience I never want to go through again. He died in hospital and the GP said, if they had not taken him, I or the carers would probably have found him dead or dying within next 48 hours. I know I did the right thing but it was horrible and thankfully we have a good GP who was very supportive. I relied very much on friends for support as my much older husband and father did not get on. My neighbour runs a small care agency and she was 5*. But yes, I would have liked siblings to have talked it through with.That said, often siblings do not always agree on the way forward....
Very true. As a solo child myself I found it difficult having to take on both my Father's and my Aunt's, final years, as my Aunt was childless, as well as bring9ng up my children as a widow. Hopefully now, as the matriarch, I will not have to do it again.
thank you for sharing Midori
Thank you for sharing KingArthur and sorry you had such a difficult time
Your are right, there isn't an easy answer to any of this, even when there are siblings. I think many of us rely on friends and work colleagues at some point, whether we are an only child or not. I'm pleased to hear you had a supportive GP and how lucky to have a neighbour with a good care agency
I am an only child and the only relative left of my father's. I had to make the decision to put him in a Home at Christmas - for respite care initially - although this was made easier by the fact that he had been in hospital for most of December and had 'forgotten' home. I had no help from Social Services as dad is self-funding so everything has fallen on my shoulders; I don't live near my father and have health problems myself. It's a massive worry and I still feel that way, wondering if I have made the right decision and if I should move him nearer to me now. I am still clearing the house with my husband too. My relationship with my father has not been particularly good since mum died in August 2014 as he had a 'friend' and was lying to me about where he was and about what he was doing. I was grieving for my mum to whom I was close. He had known this woman for many, many years. It's been horrible.
Karen
Life as a 'sandwich carer'
When mum moves in...