My ex and I were divorced in Sept and he moved out 2 weeks ago. I was in shock when he yelled at me back in Dec 19 stating that he wanted a divorce. He is often moody and often wanted a divorce but he persisted this time and he got his divorce. Since last Dec I have discovered that he has cirrhosis. I don't know when he was diagnosed. I think it was in Nov 18, but he keeps a lot from me.
I have been doing loads of research and he ticks every box relating to cirrhosis. A friend of mine goes to see him and reports back to me on his condition.
He has a massive belly and has done for years but it is getting bigger. He confirmed that he has ascites
His arms, legs, neck are skinny with the skin hanging.
He has no strength in his arms
He cannot sleep and does nothing all day
His feet are now swollen and the skin is very white - looks like dead skin (he is a diabetic also)
He has developed small breasts - Gynecomastia (about a year ago)
Bruises easily (has done for about 2-3 years)
Has a low platelet count and when he bleeds it takes ages to stop (diagnosed of having low platelets about 18 month ago)
Does not eat much and feels bloated
Is always sleeping and dosing off and is very very lazy - has done nothing for years
Drinks less beer and now drinks vodka as he feels bloated
Cannot keep food in - goes through him - diarrhea (this has been a problem for years) As soon as he eats he has to go to the toilet.
He does not seek medical help as he has a fear of going into hospital as he wont be able to smoke or drink in hospital
He has had an itchy back now for years, always rubbing and scratching
My friend reported back to me 2 weeks ago to say that his eyes are yellow, then last week that they are more yellow and my friend said that it looked like he had a tan (I think this must be jaundice)
I have been researching and reading up on 'End Stage Liver Disease' and he has had all of these symptoms for many many months, some for years. Is jaundice the very last stage? If it is - how much longer is he likely to live?
Until last Dec, we had a lovely life together, I do not want him to die alone and for no one to find him for weeks. He chose alcohol over me.
My friend will see him again this week and see if his palms are red and see if he has spider angiomas.
I'm just trying to find out if jaundice is the very very end stage. From what I have read it is between 2 weeks and 1 year. But most posts I read seem to indicate it is more weeks than months. Is this the case?
Thank you
Jaundice is purely caused by a build up of bilirubin in his system and this can occur at any stage of liver disease. The other things you describe are all symptoms of cirrhosis which is 'end stage liver disease'. Decompensated cirrhosis is indicated by bleeding and ascites and he obviously already has the latter. He sounds very, very poorly and continuing to drink whether it be beer or spirits is going to hasten his end sadly. Death through liver disease normally occurs either with a massive bleed, coma due to Hepatic Encephalopathy or multiple organ failure as the toxins gradually build up poisoning the rest of the body and knocking out other organs. Unfortunately without medical intervention it sounds like your ex-hubby has a somewhat bleak outlook.You'll find information on cirrhosis on the BLT site at:- britishlivertrust.org.uk/in...
Wishing you the very best, look after yourself through all this too as it will be hard.
Katie
Thank you Katie.Yes it is bleak - I know that, but we all like to know 'how long?' don't we? Days, weeks, months? I am guessing it is very unlikely to be years. Every day I am expecting the phone call to say he has been found dead. He has fallen out with everyone so only has my friend who pops in to see him once or twice a week.
Thank You
Debbie
No one, not even a doctor can give you an accurate time frame as sadly it could be something that happens suddenly (like a big bleed or him going into a coma, even a fall or an infection) or indeed take some time but the scenario of him being found deceased at home is possibly the way it goes unless he were to seek/get help in time.
It's a horrendous situation and my thoughts are always with you partners who are losing loved ones despite your best efforts all because of the demon drink. Booze is such an evil thing once it gets a grip of someone.
My hubby who has auto immune related cirrhosis would have grabbed any chance and done anything to better his situation but it couldn't have been foreseen nor prevented the way it happened for him.
Thinking of you and wishing you the best of luck.
Katie x
KatieIt must make you very sad to see posts like mine.
My brother is dying of Motor Neuron Disease and he would love to live, but my ex who could have chosen to live has chosen to die. I just wish I had some idea of timescale and nothing I read gives me any clues
Bless you and thank you for taking the time to respond
Debbie x
I feel for you and especially your brother with MND - that's a truly awful condition. Bless him.
Hi Debbie. My heart goes out to you. My husband was told when l managed to get him into hospital for a detox, that if he didnt stop drinking he would die. It was at this point he went completely yellow which stayed with him for the rest of his life (18 months) He didn't give up drinking until the last 3 months of his life. It was a profuse nose bleed which made me call an ambulance. He spent 2 days in HDU then died wired up to monitors with tubes going in and out of his body for 10 days in ICU. He had liver failure, kidney failure and broncho pneumonia. But even up to 2 days before he died, the docs wouldnt give up hope.
Thinking of you at such a trying time.
Laura xxx
Wow - that's so so sad. Everyone has a different journey and different experience.
My husband has left me now, so why do I put myself through this worry? I am guessing that he is not worrying about me.
I have literally just been listening to a recording of my brother, who recorded his voice and sent me a lovely reading from a book called 'The Man Who Planted Trees' - My brother has MND and his speech is going. He has lost all movement in his arms and legs, yet he is incredible and fills me with pride.
Sorry - I'm pretty mixed up at the moment.
Perhaps I should stop trying to work out when my ex's end of life is likely to be. I cannot make a difference to him, but I can make a difference to my brother's end of life. That is what I should focus on.
Thank you so much for responding to me
It's tough isn't it? I really do hope things are better for you now.
Thats so lovely.Yes focus on your brother.
Thankyou. Life is wonderful again now.
All the best to you and your family
L xxx
I am going through the same with my husband, he has ESLD, and has all the symptoms that you have described. We are still living together and its a living hell. He's just come out of hospital a few days ago, he's stopped taking his meds (again) he does this from time to time why i dont know. He constantly talks about dying which i hate and he knows this, but does it anyway. I have been living like this for many years, we've been married for 30yrs and have split up loads of times due to his drinking. I myself would like to know how long he has left too, ive read up on this terrible disease and i dont think he'll last much longer, i do feel extremely guilty for feeling this way but after all these years living like this this is what it has done to me. So you are not alone in thinking this way i do too. Hope this reply helps you take care x
I feel lucky that my ex has moved out.I now realise that no one is able to give me a timescale - no matter how many hours I spend on Google. I will just have to wait for the call - it will come and I will be a bit sad for a while. I know people say it is a disease and I will create a lot of controversy if I say that I cannot go along with that. My brother is dying of Motor Neurone DISEASE - which is a disease which he would do anything - absolutely anything to rid himself of. So from where I am at the moment with an aggressive, nasty, vile ex-husband and a lovely lovely dying brother - I am struggling with the word 'disease' . Maybe in time I will change and think differently, but not today.
Stay safe and grab every bit of happiness you can from life - I love my life, and I will be stronger and better and happier, because he made me more determined and more grateful. He has made me strong! Stay strong x