Right. Where to begin? I'm just gonna say it and then go into it.
Has anyone on here who has needed a transplant refused it?
I'm 42 years old and if I'm completely honest have very little in my life. I'm on my own, mother and brother who I'm not very close with, have recently left my job because of my health. I don't own my own house. I don't even completely own my own car lol. I don't envisage this ever changing. I've had ups and downs all my life like we all have but I've always smiled and had a good time. In general I'm happy with the life I've led. If I could do a Marty McFly and go back would I change anything? Honestly, yes. I'd change some of those decisions I made that with hindsight were poor ones. Have I achieved or am I at the position I thought I would be at when I was a young man? No. I've left things too late now to change any of that. I know I'm only 42 and that is by no means old, but we all know the road I'm on with all of you can become quite tricky. My feelings are that if I were to accept a transplant as and when it was required or offered I'd be stealing the chance for somebody else who has "more". More to go back to. More to carry on with. More people in their life who'd appreciate it.
I've been giving this a lot of thought. In truth if I accepted that liver, that gift from someone else I'd be doing them and a potential other receiver an injustice. I'd end up a drain on society whilst I recovered. And then once fully recovered would I do anything worthwhile to justify it? I just don't know.
I respect the people on here. I've read many posts from many people and whilst that has given me some insights into what people have gone through and are going through I'm not sure I'd be strong enough to do it. So I'd appreciate and respect your thoughts.
Mark
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Identity75
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Mark, I think regardless of what people have or don't have in their lives we have all faced the 'do I really want this' question. Its not about what you have to live for now but what you have to live for in the future. Your situation might not change within the next two years in respect of not working and not owning things or having relationships with people, but life is what we make it...we all set goals and then achieve them...whether it be walking to the end of the street and back or having a 5 year plan to get back to full health, managing to eat a full sandwich....not drinking till then end of the week. We all have battles/goals that we want to get to...
Your relationship with your mother and brother can be changed, you never know if you might meet someone....in 12/18/24 months your life can be completely different, you don't know if you don't try. Don't see what people have as more of a reason for them to have a transplant than you see them as something to aspire to....if that's what you want, you need to speak to your family though, you need to let them know how you feel, if a family member was going through what your going through that I'm not close to and they didn't talk to me I'd be very upset....families; family at the end of the day!
Regardless of the can of worms you think you might be opening Mark the decision is ultimately yours and I think if the Dr's are offering you a chance to get on that list the decision is totally your and everyone on this site will respect your decision.
If you decide to take the option of the tx, I will you all the luck in the world....life can be challenging at times and we face things we never thought possible, but live life Mark, live it well. Some people never get that chance.
We have all felt like you at stages mark and I understand why more so at moment your having these feelings it's natural. I don't own anything I don't have a job and as I have said to you I can't go back to my old profession risk is too high. But my passion to change things once I recover I didn't get back until I had the transplant. When you go for your next appointment you should speak to someone about how your feeling, but I am sure in a few weeks you will feel differently it's a roller-coaster of a ride but I know you can hold on tight xxx you have so much to offer and you have all support you need on here.
Due to illness, divorce, child maintenance, transplant etc I don't own a house, when the kids stay they have to stay in bunk beds in a box room. I'm always skint and was just working out my budget which confirmed I'm living beyond my means. A budget plan of about the next 20 years might afford me a decent summer holiday. You're certainly not the only one who feels this way.
I could go on and on about it but what the last generation considered almost essential (marriage, house, car, kids etc) is almost unobtainable for most these days. We put ourselves under incredible stress trying to keep to a standard which many of us will never actually be able to attain through no faults of our own.
Your worth is not considered by what you own. Being ill is also not conducive to building good relationships. In fact that was probably the reason for my divorce, well at least that and the fact that my ex is bloody horrible.
Sometimes a simple change in how you think can be be all thats needed, it's a bit like Buddhism without the religion. Teaches you to live in the moment.
Your worth is not considered by what you own. well said. i like that. xxx
I think friends above have expressed some helpful thoughts and I hope they contribute towards your ongoing inner exploration. Two things occur to me:
as well as talking to us, you might usefully try and get some input from some specialists; your thoughts might suggest depression (understandable in your circumstances, but treatable). You might then think differently
a transplant run up involves some psychological assessment and it would be a shame if this was unduly influenced by mental health issues for reasons that may be temporary.
It was a genuinely moving experience being given a liver and it does give you a different view of the world and your place in it.
Absolutely Mike. For me the transplant procedure itself was terrifying but the the experience was also wonderful. Something almost enlightening about it, when your life is saved by such a generous gift and amazingly skilled sugeons. And the number of others involved. Truely overwhelming.
Mark,,,,thanks for your thoughts you kinda said what ive been thinking the past 7 months since my diagnosis,,,Chelle said it perfectly things do change and life will get better its all about believing in yourself,,,be strong my friend matt
Mark,i can only add my thoughts to all the other comments. I was diagnosed with AIH in April 2014,i was told if things didn't improve I'd be sent to the QE for a transplant. I lost my job,my home and my life as I knew it,i had no choice but to move in with my elderly parents at the age of 46. It's taken me nearly 3 years to get back on my feet,i rent a tiny house,work a few hours at minimum wage after previously having a good job. I can't claim benefits as was declared fit for work,which is a joke.
I am lucky to have my family support,but I rarely get down,even when my cupboards are empty or friends give me food. You have to make the most of each day,dont think too far ahead,and be grateful for the small to things in life. You haven't failed because you don't own your own home etc,there is so much pressure to conform. Make the most of any opportunity you have,at 42 you are still so young. My sister has just had a transplant at 46 and is doing well.
You will get lots of support on here,please keep in touch
You only have to answer to yourself. No one here can play God, I don't see I am more worthy because of the materialistic things I have in my life
I feel ready to accept my transplant as I have a lot of life to live, I want to see my daughter grow up, and I want to be there to support her, I want to be there for my wife, to enjoy and cherish.
Mark,
You have been given a lot of supportive replies here from people who really know what it is like waiting for, or considering transplant.
The British Liver Trust have a helpline and email you can contact if you want to get in touch,
Not once have I ever regretted my liver transplant, also I do not consider myself a burden to anyone. Who knows what your future holds, go and make up with your family. Enjoy your life it's the most precious thing you have and remain positive.
The fact you've carefully thought about and written what you have suggest you are a worthy candidate. Your self awareness is clearly crystal clear. As is your selflessness. On your post it's clear you have a great deal more to offer. Seemingly, you would take your transplant responsibilities very seriously in the event. Introspection can be a terrible burden. As can loneliness
I wish that you would reconsider and also take another look at your life and appreciate the little things you have. Its not what we own but what we have inside of us that matters. No one knows what is around the corner and if tomorrow you met the love of your life, you would regret not taking this amazing chance at life. Anything can happen. Wonderful things can happen for you in the blink of an eye. I wish you could see that.
I am married with 2 kids. I rent my place and cant afford a car right now to do anything or go anywhere. I have no money in my bank account either. The last time i checked I had $3, and I dont have a job.
But you know what? I take none of this with me when I die. I came to this world with nothing and I leave with nothing. I am 36.
U are not alone. Stay strong and appreciate the small things.
Thank you all for your many responses, considered opinions and kind words. It's overwhelming the support found on this website.
I realise the enormity of this decision, and my mind is by no means made up, I am (I believe) a long way off yet from having to make it. However I truly believe that one of the most special things about this site is you can share your thoughts and opinions with possibly the only group of people that would understand. Try to have this conversation with a "muggle" and you'd get a completely different conversation.
Thank you all once again.
Hope you are all doing well, no matter where on this road you currently find yourself.
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