People of HU: Embracing My ADHD Self

[SaskiaHU]

At the age of 52 Stephen was diagnosed with ADHD. Read his story of how he came to no longer be afraid of who he is with the help of medication, CBT and online forums.

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I’m an adult with ADHD. I’ve been fortunate enough to have a rewarding career as a product manager for the last 32 years. I earned my bachelor’s degree in business and went back to school in 2012 and earned my MBA. I made a career move to a completely new industry four years ago and that’s when my world was turned upside down.

I grew up in the 1970s and 80s, before attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) was as recognized as it is today. I didn’t know anything about being a “divergent thinker” – someone who explores many creative ideas in a spontaneous and free flowing way. Because I was able to finish school and have a successful career, being ADHD never even crossed my mind.

Then the COVID-19 pandemic hit and my routine was torn apart as my company moved to working from home for more than a year. I had a difficult time adapting to the new normal and a couple of months in, I received my performance review for the previous year. It was the worst review I have ever received and it devastated me. I beat myself up and my self-esteem was on shaky ground.

How could I receive such a bad review with my education and 30+ years of experience? It didn’t make sense. I scheduled an appointment with my doctor the next day. My main deficiencies were in short-term memory, organization, and work prioritization, as well as executive thinking. I thought I would be diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s.

On May 25, 2020, I left my doctors office with a formal ADHD diagnosis and a prescription for stimulants, which is the first line of treatment, wondering how it could take 52 years for ADHD to rear its head.

The next day I took my first dose of medication and could not believe the effect. I was calm, the never-ending dialog in my head was quiet, and I was able to focus. I could listen to a conversation or set of instructions, remember them, and execute! WOW! It was life changing.

Along with medication, my doctor recommended cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) which I’ve embraced. I have a phenomenal CBT therapist who keeps me focused on me.

A couple months later, I was having my weekly meeting with my boss and at the end of the discussion, he said, “I don’t know what you’re doing different, but I like it. Don’t stop.” I had become more task-oriented and was completing my work on time without careless mistakes. It was a glorious moment; I was finally doing something right.

I began learning as much as I could about adult ADHD and suddenly my entire life started to make sense. Maybe that’s why over the years I had projects that I never finished and why it took me 11 years to earn my undergrad degree. I began to participate in online ADHD forums and to meet others who were like me. It was such a relief to finally learn that I’m not the only one who thinks the way I do. I learned that I had been compensating for my ADHD my entire life, I just wasn’t aware of it.

I now have a morning routine that I follow each day so I don’t forget or lose all of my work things. I have places where I put my keys, work badge, and wallet so I don’t wind up trying to find things when it’s time to leave for work. It was eye-opening to say the least.

In one ADHD forum, I came across a post highlighting the book Your Brain’s Not Broken: Strategies for Navigating Your Emotions and Life with ADHD by Tamara Rosier, Ph.D. Her strategies for navigating our emotions and life with ADHD are spot on, and I felt like the entire book was written for me. I couldn’t put it down.

The more I learn about how my brain works versus “neurotypical” people (those who think, perceive, and behave in ways that are considered normal), the more it helps me navigate my career and personal life with a new set of eyes. Not every day is perfect. My symptoms are still present, but I’m now more aware and can correct and redirect if needed. I’ve shared my ADHD diagnosis and what some of my biggest challenges are with my close circle of friends and family, and I’m grateful that most of them are eager to help me succeed. Sometimes a little reminder when a project is coming due helps me remain focused and keeps me from procrastinating until the last minute.

At 55, I’m no longer afraid of who I am and embrace my ADHD self. I am a divergent thinker who is creative and has a life full of challenges that I now embrace rather than beat myself up when my ADHD brain gets the best of me.

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Stephen lives in Virginia where he enjoys playing classical piano, hiking and snow skiing in his free time.

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Thank you, Stephen, for sharing your story with our readers.

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[LaceyLady]

Very interesting, It has been suggested to me that I may have ADHD, I’m 65! Reading more articles is helping me to realise that I may too have ADHD, I can identify with so much! ‘Divergent thinking’!! Yes!

[Timberman]

Fascinating story but it does beg a question or two.

First our ability to identify and name disorders grows on a frightening level. Not so long ago he would have been identified only as clinically depressed and his treatment would probably have been ineffective.

Second, by being able to tell him what it is he is suffering from means that he has been given back a basis for his daily life and routines. That alone is a key part of the treatment I suggest for any mental disorder.

But these lead to a further question - are we not in danger of creating a situation in which numbers of people harvest the details and symptoms etc and then, unsurprisingly, present as a convincing patient?

[Hidden]

My daughter was diagnosed in 2020 with level 1 Autism-what used to be Asperger's syndrome, at the age of 44! She is highly intelligent, a superb veterinary surgeon who has struggled and 'masked' for most of her life trying to understand why she thought and felt different to others. For us, her parents, the diagnosis was a light-bulb moment- so many things from her childhood, slotted into place! Even friends who have been told say, ah, that explains things! I asked her how she was able to participate in the school plays, etc, and she explained, it was because she was playing another person, not herself. All through school she did not accept the status quo and questioned everything, to the extent the teachers thought her obstinate and difficult.

She had/has very few friends, because she finds it hard to trust others. She is happy with her own company, and her horse who has been her salvation I believe, and her cats. She sometimes lets go and rants to us, but we know it is a safety valve and it obviously helps her.

She left a previous job because of bullying, as she was assumed to be bullying others because of her approach-straightforward, not beating about the bush, honest and forthright- even she didn't understand why. She was on report and was being treated harshly, and she had a meltdown and walked out. She was so distressed. Now, she understands she is not neurotypical, that her brain works differently, and work has tried to help by keeping her routine regular, not chopping and changing which she finds difficult to manage along with the anxiety it causes. She hates cameras, finds day to day chatting and eye contact with people hard. When she is with a client, she has this separate persona, she is able to devote as much time as necessary when dealing with animals and owners.

There are probably many others who have lived lives similarly, and struggled to understand their position in life. Much of the research and training has been geared towards diagnosing children, particularly boys as they are less able to mask than girls. Until more research and therefore understanding of the various levels of Autism there are, many more people will struggle to live a fulfilled life.

[Hidden]

ADHD is a neurological disorder. Treatment should be based on an MRI scan. Drugs prescribed on the basis of psychological tests can be damaging in the long term.

[LaceyLady in reply to Hidden]

How would an MRI be useful? Drugs that have many side effects?

[Choughwatcher]

Thank you for your post.