British Lung Foundation
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the end.... how should we deal with our own and others feelings?

I have read all the postings on bookers question; a lot of very heart felt responses.

We all have such different ways of coping with what is after all a terminal condition (ie will kill us if nothing else does first ...... mind you, life is terminal; something to be remembered I think) Some people, and I'm one of them, sometimes find or have found, thinking about an early exit ... lets be honest ... suicide... a coping strategy, I don't think it means I would or will, but it gives the illusion of being in control of our lives when facing something (i.e. COPD) that we have very little long term control over. I think bookers comments were poorly phrased and that some people find any suggestion of suicide as morbid and depressing. I think he expressed himself poorly, in rage and despair possibly (haven't we all been there). I know he has obviously upset people but I think we have to have the tolerance to allow for occasional unwise and emotional posts, given the nature of this site.

What do you think, can we discus 'the end', hopefully calmly, or must we keep our thoughts and fears to ourselves?

I hope no one is upset or offended by this post

Bolilly x

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8 Replies

I'm neither upset or offended by your message Bolilly :) In fact I too would like to thank you for it. I've lost count of the number of times I've tried to discuss this subject with members of my family, but every time it's raised I'm told "Oh, don't be so morbid/fatalistic/depressing". It's none of those things - death is a fact of life of which I have no fear, but can appreciate that not everyone holds this view.

It's very much a personal subject that not everyone likes to, or is willing, to discuss but as in all other things, each to their own :)

There is no right or wrong way.

I think the problem with a discussion about this is the word suicide, my brother committed suicide and it was a very traumatic thing for the family because there was no indication whatsoever that that was what was going to happen. However, when someone is ill the prospect of death rears its head and is thought of either by the person or the family/friends and the prospect of becoming uncomfortably ill has to be taken into consideration this then becomes a discussion on euthanasia. I think they are two distinctively different ways of ending life and I think there needs to be a separation in law and on the moral front. I have discussed this a great deal with my family having had the experience with my brother and also having had a husband who died a cruel death with cancer, the outcome has been to say the least confusing and I still don't know where I stand but as they say each to their own feelings and beliefs

Hi jandan

I agree with what you are saying

I had a friend who committed suicide when very ill and with dreadful quality of life with cancer, she just hurried up something that was already happening. Some of her family/friends were devastated and some were kind of OK with it. Its a tough call, but its one I think needs more open discussion.

Utterly tragic ... It happened to my cousins daughter ( heroin overdose) ... none of the family even new she was using heroin. ..... dealing with death ... if it was my son, I might need to imagine a 'better place' than 'that's it .... over' .....

I think we are ill equipped to deal with the death of our children ... it's not supposed to happen that way. He's obviously not in a better place than alive and healthy but his mother needs whatever solace she can have .... nothing brings him back

The brutal truth belongs to and about the living

Bolilly x

Hi the thing is is when Would You Make The decision to end your life at what point my husband died at 47 with copd he was fine the day He was Taken ill we just thought another exacerbation . But His Heart And Kidneys failed He did not suffer and was not in pain. We Spoke about dying and what we would want the other person to do yes its hard but once said its done and it did help me after he died no whats or ifs . The thing is that most people are afraid of dying or the way in which they die . How Much Is enough to suffer at what point to end ones life in that fear and 9 times out of 10 on your own .

Well written Bolilly and for me an another BLFer it has prompted an interesting conversation on another social media website, where we could discuss it privately without causing upset to others.

The problem we face in this country is how we deal with, or not, the subject of death and dying. Although it is a matter of fact that it will come around to all of us eventually, we hide from the fact; we don't discuss it with family or even our healthcare professionals. To some, when in the dilemma of having a chronic condition, the basic fact is we revert to a thinking of denial. It is a subject that needs to be discussed more frankly and openly, not just with us the public but also those in government as to sensible means to alleviate unnecessary suffering for both patients and families. Take care, Richard

I could not agree more

In Victorian days death was openly discussed and a part of life; sex was the unspoken secret.

We have now gone the opposite way

sex everywhere

but death cannot be mentioned

Bolilly x

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