Carer for Stroke Patient: My 79 yr old... - British Lung Foun...

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Carer for Stroke Patient


My 79 yr old husband has a Stroke 6 weeks ago. The hospital has implied they can do no more for him as he is not progressing. He has little mobility, not able to do anything for himself. He has other health issues, heart, liver & kidney problems. I can't afford Nursing home fees, & I don't know how I'll cope looking after him at home as he will need help with all personal needs. Our bathroom & bedroom is upstairs. We have a Stairlifts but I'm afraid of him falling because his mobility is poor. Any suggestions please.

17 Replies

If you are in the U.K. then the hospital should be assessing him for the help he needs on discharge, if not contact your local social services. Their are aids available to help you both. Don’t let them discharge him until care is in place. I wish you luck xx

Jansy16 to add to Carnivals excellent advice i would suggest that you contact The Stroke Association for help and advice,if your husband is still in hospital you will find that they will normally have someone attending as a liaison person on a daily basis on the stroke ward.

i attended to my wife after a very severe stroke and was her carer for more than 4 yrs so there isn't much i don't know about stroke and about the support services and sometimes lack off support that is commonly in place both in the hospital and in the community.

good luck for now and come back to us for further guidance as required.

best wishes Ski's and Scruffy.xx

Hi Jansy16 you could ask for a care needs assessment to be done for you and your husband before he leaves hospital and also ask for involvement from the Stroke Association. He should not be discharged without an adequate discharge care plan in place . Hope you get all the help you both will need. X

Great replies Jansy16 and I wish you well. There is a care community too so do join us on there. Xxxx

I am sorry that your husband has had a stroke, my father did too which left him with little mobility.

But there has to be a care package put in place before he is discharged, there should be a meeting with the hospital social worker, medical staff and the family, to assess his and your needs. Costs as well. He may be eligible for free nursing care ...there is social care as well if he is eligible .....NHS Continuing Care, we had to apply for an assessment.

My father was in Wales, so check the English regulations with the Citizens Advice Bureau and Age Concern and NHS England.

Your health needs are important too... maybe the BLF helpline can offer advice on 03000 030 555.

Take care .

Stand your ground with social services and be clear about what you can and can’t manage Don’t let them talk you into anything you’re not comfortable with. Is there a local rehab facility where they could provide intensive therapy? Some areas have a facility and these can be very good. The advice from others on the forum is excellent.

You have mentioned that you can't afford nursing home fees. There is plenty of advice on the Internet about funding and you might not have to pay if your husband is transferred to residential or nursing care. Here is advice from AgeUK:

If you own your own home and are over 60 years of age they cannot take the value of your property in the financial assessment.

Do consider this very carefully because it sounds like your husband actually needs round the clock care and one person simply cannot provide that. Even with carers coming in it will be you who will be looking after him for the rest of the time. Your home will be disrupted with equipment such as bed, hoist, commode etc - in effect it will become a hospital ward. Having carers in your home can feel like you lack privacy. All this can be very stressful and could affect your own health, particularly if you already have problems. If you have any doubts, say so now and let the hospital know. It will then be up to the services to help with selecting suitable accommodation for him. If he comes home, it will be more difficult to get him moved to a residential or nursing home.

Jansy16 in reply to Bella395

Thank you for your advice. My husband constantly asks when can he come home, I know if he came home he'd fall in no time because of his lack of mobility, what happens then, I'm 74 & have COPD & struggle myself but the hospital isn't interested in my health. It will break my heart not to have him home but I have to look at long term practicalities for both of us. We own our own home & have a little money behind us but wouldn't last long if we had to pay. Because of his complex health needs I'm wondering if we'd be entitled to NHS funding for a nursing home. Thank you all for your replies.

Bella395 in reply to Jansy16

Please be strong and do not let them overrule your wishes. It sounds like you will not be able to care for him. Remember this - nobody can make you care for your husband. It is your choice and you can say no, I cannot do this.

It is perfectly natural that he wants to come home but if it is not possible then he will have to accept it. From what you say, the hospital staff have ruled out rehabilitation and say that they can do no more. His health and care needs will likely become worse with the passage of time. You could perhaps gently tell him that you cannot meet his needs at home and that he will quite possibly deteriorate if he does not get the care he needs.

As for funding, the process is complex. Few people meet the criteria for full NHS funding, perhaps more get their care partially funded. It involves a checklist which is then scored. If the score is high enough it activates the Decision Support Tool which is even more complex. The evidence then goes to a panel of people who make the final decision. This can be challenged.

If he enters residential care and has savings above £23,500, he will be expected to pay for his care.

This is a stressful time for you. I hope you have someone to support you through it.

Get social services in. Is he still in hospital. Do you own your house. When my mum in same boat not able to do things . Speak to the hospital manager there is a something you can request about think it's called end of life care they help you find a home. And you don't pay. Sounds awful but mother loved it and lasted another 3 years in the home . Dpk to socisl worker at hodpital. They have a tendancy to keep quiet about it. But hubby worked in housing for the elderly so knew about it. And should take some of the burden of you and the home was lovely.

My brother in law had a massive stroke and was unable to care for himself but I'm sure he was assessed before he left the hospital- he was in a general hospital then a cottage hospital to recover some more. They were able to get /buy aids. I know he had a commode and eventually a hoist, also a wheelchair. Physio was given at first on NHS then privately. Don't despair of the situation. It is only a short time after the stroke. Don't be shy of asking lots of questions at the hospital. They should set up an interview for you where you can discuss his rehabilitation. x

A ruff time for you. The replies above are great. From my experience- stand your ground with SS. Visit any home first before allowing your husband to leave hospital. Blessings to you. M

Jansy,ski's again with a quick guide for you.

with regards to the Nhs paying for hubbys care the system is called Nhs continuous care but requires a long and arduous assessment from a multi discipline team and is heavily weighted against the applicant,points based and very few people get the award.this is normally done at a home meeting,there are half way measures whereby the Nhs only pay for the medical side of care but once again hard to obtain.

The first priority is the care plan for both your husband and you before discharge,

best wishes Ski's.

This is an awful time for both you and your husband and my heart goes out to you. My advise is to request a discharge planning meeting and also speak to the allocated social worker for the ward. Sometimes hospitals have a social worker who works with the stroke wards. This meeting should be attended by the consultant, nursing staff, physio, OT and the social worker who is there to support your husband and yourself. If any discussions are around your husband going home ask for a home assessment, usually carried out by the hospital OT. Safety is paramount for both you and your husband and both the hospital and social services have a duty of care to ensure your husband is safe and that you have all the assistance and support to look after him without detriment to your health. If you can have a family member or friend with you at the planning meeting all the better. Your husbands allocated social worker should be able to answer your questions on any financial concerns you have. Take care.

You've got some great comments Jansy16,I wish you and your husband all the help you need .

Best regards Susan 🐘

I was just reading about care and rehab and it made me think of your predicament

I don’t know where you are in the U.K.

It’s just shocking though that people are sent out of the hospital with no follow up, nothing in place for their continued care or support. Wishing you and your husband all the best.


Hi there

I just came across your post of 6 months ago and wondered how things are going now?


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