Not good news

Had an early morning visit from my son next door, telling us that grandson Tom, is in hospital. He is 18 and had been sick for a couple of days, then last night asked his dad to take him to hospital, where he collapsed. He had a fit at 2am and they are doing a lumbar puncture, checking for meningitis. His parents have been with him all night. Son Chris and his wife will be going to the hospital again this morning, not sure whether I should go or not, not wanting to add to their worries by not coping.

73 Replies

I generally don't go hospital given my infection rate IS hard one with vice versa germs.

When stuff as happend in my life despite good intentions from my relatives you can get stressed when everyone is after information & hassling you.

Is hard one WISH I had answers

Thanks Jeff,

I guess we are no help to anyone if we go down as well. Think Iprobably will wait until more news comes through.

Hi Lyd12 Don't be thinking y'all be know help as am sure that's untrue but like you say .. You don't want to contribute to the anxiety AND that's priceless.

Hope all go's well and it's just minor bug

Dear Iris, I'm so sorry to hear about your grandson being admitted to hospital. He will be having all sorts of tests done to find out the problem.

All the family will be worried about Tom but it's good he's got his parents there for support.

If you feel you can't cope by going to the hospital, why don't you wait to hear how Tom is when your sons come back from visiting.

I'm sorry I can't help you by advising what you should do but I'm thinking about you & all your family at this very emotional & worrying time. 💐

Thanks Jessy

I was thinking the same, but nice to have other opinions. So worried for him.

If you think you will be able to go and hold your self then pop in for even 5 min just to say you are thinking of him even if you do not go again at lest nowone can say you did not go and see him good luck

Hi David,

We are both in our eighties and don't have the car any more. If we went we would have to be taken and fetched home again, the hospital is about half an hour away, so difficult to pop in for us.

I did not know so sit tiet and pester the rest of the family for news .if to be honest i can not remember the last time i went to see someone in hospital it must have been 7 years a go as fritend if i kach someting even the doctors i hate going .but wife makes me go and i am only 56 years young the wife will say 6 years old HOPE HE GET BETTER AND HE COMES HOME SOON


I am like you David, have a doctors/hospitals phobia. Feel ill on entering even if going to visit someone!

horrible places

Sorry to hear your grandson is in the hospital. I would ask to be called at any news on his illness. I don't know how bad your copd is. I would have no problem going to the hospital. Still I would wait for some news on his condition, then head to the hospital. Good luck to you, Iris. Hope it's nothing serious. 😊 Rubyxx

So sorry to hear that your grandson is so unwell. I hope the hospital can find out what is wrong quickly, and very best wishes for his speedy recovery.

Tee x

I'm so sorry about your grandson. You must be worried out of your head, and it just doesn't seem right when the young are ill.

Do what you feel you want and need to do - if you can work that out! Maybe wait till they get a diagnosis.

Thinking of you all and hoping for good news. Sue x

So sorry to hear about your grandson Iris. Sending love and hugs to you and all the family. Xxx

Lyd12 SOS sorry your grandson is ill but in the best place to be helped ID explain to your son how you feel about visiting the hospital x

Oh dear Lyd. I am sorry. It must be very worrying, sitting waiting for news. As you asked the question, I think that it may be better for now if you stay where you are until they let you know that he has stabilised. That way both you and they will not be worrying whether you can cope and if they need you to take something in for them a little later you will be able to do so. Thinking about you. xx

My son Chris and his wife are with Tom and his parents at the hospital now. It is lovely to see one brother's devotion to the other, especially as Chris was an adopted baby. Chris was up all night at the hospital, he has no children so Tom is like his own son, a super uncle.

Iris, This is very worrying. Your grandson should be in the right place. Hopefully, there's a doctor with skill and vision who will act efficiently. My prayers ae with you, Mic

Thanks Mic, so far no result of the lumbar puncture, he is on three kindsof antibiotics and is sedated. His parents and my other son have been up all night at his bedside, and his dad had to help hold him while he fitted, distressing. He is in a room on his own.

Dear Iris, Gather a lot of energy now and rest; so when you need to help you will be able to. It's a waiting time; be ready! Mic

hi Lyd do you no how he is with the light on ,does it bother him and in a room on his own is better Lyd really for him and privacy , with his family there he wont feel so isolated , hope you hear something soon eh .

He is under general anaesthetic, and family have to wear mask and gown, he is all wired up with various machines. Just heard they managed to do lumbar puncture, went well and gettng glucose drip, result by 8pm.


good Lyd don't worry on the isolation ok its standard procedure and keep his room bit darkened as the bright lights even sun light gives us headaches,, me I was 15 at school in my science exam n fell sleep, teatcher through book at my head lazy you will fail the exam , well I did ,, friend took me home and doc came an I was in a isolatin hospital, 3 weeks in there, scary at 15 with docs and nurses on you , one held my feet down othere my shoulders on my stomach so the doc could do the lumber at the base of the spine , sounds to me there on his case though Lyd so a plus plus with any menigitus cases as it should be,, rember my gran sat in the chair in corner with u en your grandson, before brought back some memories of her larger than life but the best there was ever ,, u keep it together eh hes in the right place Lyd .

Thanks Tis, was yours a bacterial meningitis, do you know. We will know the result of the lumbar puncture by 8pm so fingers crossed. I read there are two sorts, viral which is less dangerous and bacterial which is very dangerous.

hi ye Lyd mine was the bacterial menincol one as I have me meds files from back then upstairs were I keep thngs , the fluid will have been drained from his brain though so do not worry eh , I was in 3 weeks back then at 15 you no after hes perking up see what he asks for , me a meat pud and chips ha .. had ad nothing really 3 weeks in there bar drips which the glucose is good really very ,

Thanks for your posts Tis. Its reassuring to hear of someone who survived the most serious form of meningitis , and a few years ago I guess! .

hi Lyd true but not to long years ago but now its improved so much but more awareness needs doing, as this rash myth doesn't always appear Lyd

We need your prayers Mic. Tom's dad has just been in and they think it is meningitis. Small bleed on the brain, cant do lumbar puncture as blood too thin...

hang in LYD I have been there at 15 his age and fitnesss now eh will account for a lot of thngs do not worry eh as long as hes stable sedated hes resting his body to fight it .

Oh goodness, Iris, I hope they have everything at hand to make him well. I don't quite know about meningitis. I know it's serious, but he was taken early, so there's a good chance. Please keep us informed, when you can. I'm thinking of you all at this time.


I am so very sorry to hear your dear gs is so poorly. How worrying for you sweetheart and the rest of your family. I hope there will be better news for you of an improvement soon.

Healing hugs and vibes to you all.

With love


Thanks c,

Can't think straight just now, the next 24 to 48 hours will tell.

Hello Lyd. I am so sorry about your grandson. I am sure it is a big worry for you. How is he now? I really hope he will be home and well very soon. Please try not to worry too much I am sure he is getting the very best care. Take care. ❤

True what Caspiana says, Iris, worry will not help much, even though you are of course, concerned. Reflect what is the best way to help. If your presence shows composure, it might help better than if you fall apart - you may be doing so internally, but give them encouragement and love. I hope this is not too patronising. Take a good dose of courage. We are with you, Mic

Sharing this with all my friends on here is a help and I thank you all. Iris. X

Thanks Cas, we need all your prayers.

HI Lyd have you any word yet on your grandson, lumber punch needle is to check if it is mengitus the strain also to stop fluid going to the brain, I survived it at 15 Lyd so try not to worry eh,, an conteray to the myths of its a rash to look for no not always the case tho,

No, he never had a rash, just very sick and high temperature.

hi no Lyd that's it they say check for a rash but its not always the case or o its flu no again its not the flu though has he had measles r mumps in past , sick n high temp yes be through the roof that's when u keep the room darkened its high temp what makes u delirious with it ,I had no rash Lyd just went queer like n fitted and feel sleep in the exam got book at my head , glad in school times have changed and a ambulance is called not oi take her home your lazy friend , o mean teacher .

Hope your grandson is ok Lyd take care god bless.

Hi War, its the waiting gets everyone down, but as long as the outcome is good, that is all that matters.

Hi Lyd not much I can say that has not been covered by those with more knowledge than I have but I can tell you that you and all your family will be in my thoughts and prayers especially your grandson. Xxx

I'm so sorry to hear of your Grandson Iris, I am praying he has a speedy recovery.My Son had it twice and had to have a metal plate ( bike accident years ago ) removed from his forehead.It is wonderful what they can do in the world of medicine these days, hugs huff xxx 🙏

Thinking of you all

Sue XxX

Oh dear Lyd--how terribly frightening and sad--I fall apart in those situations--and am always told be strong for so and so--so tho I want to be there and be supportive and caring I end up crying and am sort of looked at as weak and even distracting--For gods sake is it wrong to have feelings I always think...--Cant a person be both? affected by the circumstance but yet strong and supportive too? You should absolutely do what you feel and don't worry about people pleasing --It is your grandson--Listen with your heart--and pray for strength no matter your decision--If you make it regardless of what anyone else may think or feel it is right----Blessings--MmeT

Thanks for your reply Mme. We are now told the result of the last test will be through by 8pm. My son Chris and his wife and his wife's father have been here this afternoon, in between visits to the hospital. I now feel exhausted, wish I stood up to these situations better, but there we are. Going to try and relax a little now, Tom is in good hands, the doctors and nurses have been wonderful, but pulled no punches, telling them all the possible outcomes. Tom's parents are spending a second night on chairs with a blanket.

I understand Lyd-Im a lot like you -Sometimes there is no right or wrong in these situations--I think it sounds as thought things are going as they should and you were there for them between visits doing your part--Please keep me posted--I will keep you all in my prayers--Lets hope for good news tonight at 8 pm--You deserve a rest--Nice meeting you--Blessings,MmeT

The latest Mm is that the doctor says they are 99 per cent sure it is bacterial meningitis. The other 1 per cent to be confirmed in the morning. They may wake him up for a neurological test tomorrow. Thanks for your concern. Iris x

your welcome --I hope things go well--Poor kid--I feel for him and all of you--Try to rest--In my prayers--MmeT

so sorry iris to hear your grandson is in hospital hope they soon find whats wrong and he is ok , take care

Thanks Mm fingers crossed. Iris x

(((HUGS))) XXX

Oh Iris, I'm just reading this now having spent the day with my grandson. Try to stay strong by looking after yourself so you can support your son and his wife. While he is so critically I'll, I doubt that the hospital would want your grandson to have any visitors other then his parents. I'm sure that his condition can be treated successfully and he is in the best place, in hospital right now. I'll be hoping and praying for good news in the morning. Love to all of you at this terrible time.

I was so tired last night I could barely stand. It has happened so quickly. The family is pulling together even more than usual, and we are close. Tom's mum is German, and her brother and friend are coming over today. It will be nice for her to have someone who speaks her mother tongue, slthough you would never guess she was not english, her accent is so good.

Hope is the thing with feathers

That perches in the soul,

And sings the tune without the words,

And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;

And sore must be the storm

That could abash the little bird

That kept so many warm.

I’ve heard it in the chillest land,

And on the strangest sea;

Yet, never, in extremity,

It asked a crumb of me.

Emily Dickinson

I expect you've come across this one. You must be frantic with worry but have faith Iris, the drugs will work and Tom will soon be telephoning you himself. Remember, as tisBAme said, he has youth and strength on his side. So important. Please let us know when you have more news. I am thinking of you all.

Thank you for the poem. It is one I love and have posted here on my Sunday poem thread. Hope and faith in the doctors, my son said they are marvellous at the hospital, and have been discussing Tom.s case as a group in front of his parents.

I would think carefully about my reasons for wanting to go and share them with my family so they understand why you want to go but maybe can't get there, or how you can get there.

Also, there are ways of supporting people other than being there in the flesh. When my elderly mother was in hospital recently I kept in touch with her and my brother by texting when I couldn't visit.

Do you have a friend that could take you (plus a wheelchair?) so you don't have to rely on your family?

Hi Lynne hope your mother is continuing to cope with her illness. Tom is still under sedation so for the time being we are being a support from home, and making tea for all who come back exhausted from the hospital. Just so hard to believe the dramatic change in a healthy life loving boy over a few days.

A support from home and someone to offer a calm word and a cup of tea is exactly the kind of support your family need now, Iris. I'm praying for Tom and visualising him protected and surrounded by healing white light. A friend of mine who is a counsellor and health therapist, shared this technique with me years ago and I find it very powerful. I do it every time one of my children has a problem or if anyone is ill.

Thanks Billiejean, I like the idea of the white light and will try it. Betterthan feeling so helpless and who knows what power the mind may have.

Hope it's Nothing serious and that he's better soon. Sending prayers x

Afraid it is serious. Now diagnosed as bacterial meningitis. The worry is he had a small bleed on the brain and at some point the doctors will decide to bring him round and do a neurological test, for any brain damage.

Oh Lyd I am so sorry to hear that. I hope and pray that all will be fine & that he'll fully recover (so good that he himself realised he was quite ill and asked to be taken to hospital when he did). Stay strong & positive and please keep us updated. I hope you will have good results soon xx

thanks Dedalus, kind words from friends means such a lot.

Really hope he is ok ,thinking of you all. Please try to stay strongxxx

Still thinking of you, your dear Grandson and family Lyd. Stay strong lovely. I know he is young but that will also mean he has a stronger capacity for recovery.

Love and prayers.


Just been reading your previous posts on your profile, many I have missed, particularly about your sister. Hope she is making a good recovery. Had to laugh at the odd comments people made pre her op. At the time ofmy husbands cancer some strange and hurtful comments were made, unintentionally I know.

Re Tom, he is still under sedation and they will decide whento bring him round for a neurological test, that is a big worry.

Thank you Lyd for asking. I will pm you as this is your thread sweetheart.

I am hoping all will be positive for Tom.

love cx

Sending love and positive thoughts to your dear grandson and also to you and all your family. God Bless, Sheila xx

Thanks Sheila. At last we have some good news. Tom is talking! They brought him out of sedation and he has been answering their questions, as there were some worries that the bleed on his brain may have caused brain damage. So far so good, he asked for some water but they have not allowed that yet. No guarantee he will not need to be sedated again, but we are so relieved justnow. I will putthis news on a new post as I knowmany of you may miss this. Love Iris x

wonderful news--So happy for you and your family--MmeT

That's fantastic news Lyd - hope he'll be 100% soon xx

Oh that is good news Iris ! Every little step in the right direction is a reason to celebrate. Lots of love, Sheila xx

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