A Scottish Joke

Jock finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone into foreclosure and he's in serious financial problems. He's so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. "God, please help me. Ah've lost ma wee store and if Ah dinna get some money, Ah'm going to lose my hoose too. Please let me win the lottery!" Lottery night! Someone else wins... Jock prays again. "God, please let me win the lottery! Ah've lost my wee store, ma hoose and Ah'm going to lose ma car as weel!" Lottery night again! Still no luck... Jock prays again.

"Ah've lost ma business, ma hoose and ma car. Ma bairns are starving. Ah dinna often ask Ye for help and Ah have always been a good servant to Ye. PLEASE just let me win the lottery this one time so Ah can get back on ma feet!"

Suddenly there is a blinding flash as the heavens open and the voice of God Himself thunders:

"Jock at least meet Me half way and buy a ticket!"

69 Replies

  • Aye Huggs, That's a stoater ah real gid yin,

  • Aye Matt, yir richt, its nae bad at aw. Glad you like. lol

    hugs from Huggs xxx :)

  • Seeing as the prize is not won do you think it might be worth the chance of the investment Huggs? I have never gambled for money. Only on my own abilities. These temptations are everywhere in our old age. We never had this in our youth. There were shady shops for squalid dealings. How much does a stake cost these days? Is it still £1?

    I might try to look at it like planting a seed.

  • Hi Rib,

    I think it is still £1, but there are lots of other lotteries sprung up now, like the euro millions or something like that. I haven't done it in years, so I might look into it again. I would love to win it, and use a lot of it to bring us all together somewhere nice to meet each other. I do know you can do several weeks at a time in a row. Go for it Rib!

    hugs from Huggs xxx :)

  • I will seek local aid in obtaining one then. Maybe. Oh it's hard to break a life habit... Just thinking of all the chocolate one could buy ☺

  • Och ei the knoo (or something like that) No it's £2 now. :( x

  • ah didnae ken it wis £2 noo. Its mabee wirth geing it a go anyhoo. lol

    hugs from Huggs xx :)

  • Don't forget your friends when you win Huggs :d xx

  • Naw, ah widnae dae that. :p higs

    hugs from Huggs xxx :)

  • Fair play to you ha ha ha

  • Pleased you like it Towse.

    hugs from Huggs xxx :)

  • That's a good one. Thanks for your update on wens, it's lovely news. I hope you are taking care of yourself.


  • Hi MCO,

    Glad you liked the joke, and you are welcome for the update on Wen. Thanks for your message to her, and I have now replied to everyone who responded to the post, but I was late in doing so. I was on the mainland at an appointment, and then the next day wasn't so good, but that is usually what happens. Hope you are doing okay too.

    hugs from Huggs xxx :)

  • Falling about in fits of giggles...lol

  • Hi Lyn,

    Pleased you are having a giggle, we all need them! Your pictures are fab, although I don't always get a chance to comment on them. I wish I had your talent.

    hugs from Huggs xxx :)

  • You're very kind huggs...thank you :-D xxx

  • So funny made me laugh,nice start to the day x

  • Hi biker,

    That's good! As you say, its a good way to start the day.

    hugs from Huggs xxx :)

  • Morning Hugs, Wonderful, Could hear the Scotish brogue loud and strong,excellent.Regars Bulpit

  • LOL Morning bulpit, I am glad there were no difficulties in translation.

    Take care,

    hugs from Huggs xxx :)

  • Good one,didn't expect that,must show hubby born in Scotland lived in England since he went into the Airforce at 17, never been back,but still a Scot.

  • Hi redted,

    Glad you like it, and I am sure hubby will too.

    Take care,

    hugs from Huggs xxx :)

  • Nice one Huggs just what I needed to get my smile started, thanks pal xxxFred :)

  • Morning Fred,

    Pleased you like the joke, but you don't need a lot to get your smile started.

    Hope you are doing okay.

    hugs from Huggs xxx :)

  • :d Huggs. Hope you are as well as possible chuck! Higs x

  • Morning coughalot,

    Thank you, and hope you liked the joke, and are doing okay yourself. higs to you too :p

    hugs from Huggs xx :)

  • :p back xx

  • Nice one hugs! Lol.

  • Pleased you like it Nikkers. Maybe we should all have a go this weekend, and see how much we win collectively. ha ha

    hugs from Huggs xxx :)

  • A syndicate? ;)

  • Hi O2,

    I was thinking more of an experiment really. lol ;)

    Syndicate ? you volunteering? :d

    hugs from Huggs xxx :)

  • Well it was a joke really but maybe its food for thought ;)

    Was there more news re Wens? I think Im missing some posts, I'll check. How you doing Huggs?

  • Hi O2,

    I know it was a joke really, but.....?

    I posted an update on Wens the other day, in fact I posted 3 updates on different people so I will let you catch up on them, as they are too long to repeat. lol

    Since the post on Wens, she has been in touch and been able to read the messages herself and is getting stronger now. She just needs to go slowly, and let her body recover as she has been through a torrid time, and so soon after the stroke. She is in good spirits though.

    I am doing fine thanks O2. Just the usual ups and downs that we all have, and appointment after appointment on the mainland. I swear they are trying to get me into practically every department. lol :d

    Hope you are doing okay?

    Take care,

    hugs from Huggs xxx :)

  • You're such a trooper Huggs. Hope you don't get seasick - i used to take the ferry over to Orkney mainland from, aaagh, forgotten the town. Anyway a few hundred yards out i would be sick as a dog.

    Much to my surprise Im quite good health wise though hate to tempt fate. Ive had several infections but they have all been in my throat and I've not been nearly as disabled as usual.

    Just been away for few days to celebrate Rita's 70th. And excited now as I'm off to an Appalacian banjo gig tonight. Ive never had a winter where I've been able to go out, not for about 8 years. So crossing fingers, things can change in a heartbeat!

    You take care Huggs xx :)

  • Hi O2,

    No I don't get seasick here, as it is relatively calm waters compared with the challenges of the North Sea. We do have our moments of course, but is manageable most of the time. I was once on a trip where all the cars had to be lashed down by chains which was a bit hairy, but had far more drama when going to Shetland regularly.

    When you sailed to Orkney it was probably Aberdeen, as that is the main port for sailing to both Orkney and Shetland although I believe you can go via the Pentland Firth to Orkney now.

    Glad you had a nice few days away, and enjoy your gig tonight as well. It will do you good.

    hugs from Huggs xxx :)

  • SCRABSTER - suddenly came to me. Don't know if its a town or just the name of the ferry port. Omg the sickness; my daughter was with me, all of 6 years, and i had to leave her to fend for herself. Could have lost her over the edge, that still gives me nightmares :O

    xx :)

  • That would be right, I forgot about Scrabster. The North Sea is not good if you have sea sickness, so I can sympathise, as I once went from Shetland to Fair Isle in a large rowing boat, big mistake, really big mistake. I refused to go back by boat, and had to wait on a small plane coming!

    hugs from Huggs xxx :)

  • hahaha - a small plane? you're a princess Huggs :D xx

  • It was a little islander plane piloted by the vet, who was visiting Fair Isle to see to the sheep! I hitched a ride back, and it was fantastic, as he flew low over the sea and could see loads of marine life. I was lucky he came by, when he did. :)

    hugs from Huggs xxx :)

  • how lovely :) :)

  • I only wish I could have all the £1/£2's I've spent over the years on this silly game. I won £94 in the very first lottery draw but since then, the odd £10 here and there and that's it! I don't do it regularly any more, only if I happen to be in a shop that sells it and I remember. Waste of money really, the odds are so great. Good joke though. XX

  • Hi Nikkers,

    I haven't done it in years, although I did when it first started, but never won more than a few £10's, so gradually stopped, but think I might have a go this weekend now.

    hugs from Huggs xxx :)

  • Good luck Huggs. XXX

  • Thanks Nikkers! I will need it, as I cannot even remember how you do it now, and I know there are lots of different types of lotteries now to.

    Good luck to you too, if you do it. :d

    hugs from Huggs xxx :)

  • You can never win if you don't play, they they tell me. Good luck on y our next buy!!

  • So true, and thanks for the good luck, I will need it, I will let you all know if I win anything.!

    hugs from Huggs xxx :)

  • Whatever are you implying Huggs?lol :D

  • Well, what do you think? lol :p

    hugs from Huggs xxx :)

  • Brilliant, sounds just like me ( without the Scottish accent lol ) got to be in it, to win it. Think I might buy a ticket now and prey really hard. Xx sonia xx

  • Me too! I think this joke has made a lot of us go out and get a lottery ticket this weekend, although coughalot was saying they are £2 now. Good luck BB.

    hugs from Huggs xxx :)

  • I once got 4 and the bonus ball - it netted me abou £86, if I had 5 straight it would have been in the region of ££38k; what a difference one ball can make (as Adolf Hitler was once heard to say)

  • I don't think the way they distribute the winnings is fair. It should be shared around more, so that more people benefit and get a reasonable share of the pot, particularly if you get four balls, or something. So true, what a difference, one ball can make. :d

    hugs from Huggs xxx :)

  • Two balls are always better.....hee heee !!!

  • Great joke Huggs. Ha ha!

    How are you? Do you still have snow? And how's the finger mending?

    We have heavy grey skies here but they say it won't rain. Wish it would do something. Not a splink of sunshine for two days which is a bit depressing! Going out to the garden to see my tiny snowdrops to cheer myself up. Need some of Rib's chocolate too I think.

    Sara xx

  • Hi Sara,

    Glad you like the joke. The snow has completely disappeared now, and its just dreary, damp and grey now. However, its a lot warmer.

    My finger is a lot better thanks, I have taken the strapping off, although it sometimes has to go back on to protect it. I will be in touch, but haven't had a minute.

    Have yourself a nice chocolate fix to cheer you up, and maybe Spring is about to spring soon.

    Take care,

    hugs from Huggs xxx :)

  • Cheers Huggs. Glad all is ok but slow down gal! Don't want you getting under the weather. Sara xxx

  • Okay. lol :)

    hugs from Huggs xxx :)

  • Oh yes! an old one, but at least it's not sexist and it's decent!

  • Hi Mic,

    Have you heard it before then? Never mind, I will try and do better next time. Hope you are doing okay.

    hugs from Huggs xxx :)

  • HI Huggs,

    I passed it to a friend who replied that this sounded like an American trying to imitate the Scottish accent! some people are difficult to please!

  • Hi Mic,

    lol You win some, you lose some! Maybe your friend hasn't been in certain parts of Scotland. :)

    hugs from Huggs xxx :) ps I will find some more, I am sure.

  • lol thank you xx

  • Hi Undine,

    You are very welcome, and glad you enjoyed it.

    hugs from Huggs xxx :)

  • Good one! 😄

  • Thank you Mooskie, pleased you like it.

    hugs from Huggs xxx :)

  • So funny Huggs!

    I loved it. It was definitely a giggle maybe even two. Really liked it.

    Rubyxx 😊

  • Glad you liked it Ruby, and you understood the Scots! lol

    Take care,

    hugs from Huggs xxx :)

  • och imagine me missing this one :D good one huggs [in english :D :D im a cheeky so and so :D ]

    hus to huggs from jimmy xxx :)

  • Hi Jimmy,

    You have just a bit of catching up to do, but you are getting there, glad you like the joke. I meant to do the lottery that weekend, but in the end couldn't get out, as I wasn't well, so I might have won it! ;)

    Take care Jimmy,

    hugs from Huggs xxxx :)

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