Hi - long time no speak

[Maisie2014]

It seems ages since I posted anything. I do read the posts from time to time but don’t seem able to respond at the moment. I’m a bit worried about my mental health at the moment. Something that’s never worried me before. I have bitten my nails for the first 61 years of my life and stopped biting them the moment I handed in my notice to retire. Then, after 12 years I have started again! I have also had pointed out to me that my cupboards, fridge and freezer are full of food! There are only two of us. This is all recent; a couple of months I think. My friend says it’s because I’ve been attending a lot of funerals lately. I’ve lost three family members and a very good friend. I’ve also got another funeral coming up next week of someone I worked with who I used to meet for lunch/coffee on a regular basis. I see my GP next week as my BP is slightly raised. Should I mention this?

[Lezzers]

Hi Maisie

I'm really sorry to hear you're concerned about your MH. We all have our moments of forgetfulness and even more so when we have a lot going on. It's probably nothing more than stress but it's worrying you and for that reason alone you should mention it you your Dr.

The GP can/should do a simple paper memory test that will help to see if further investigation is needed. My husband has cognitive issues due to lack of oxygen to his brain, his forgetfulness was getting scary as he'd leave tea towels almost on top of the lit gas hob, go out without locking or sometimes without even shutting the front door! Windows wide open, taps running, fridge door left open!! I could go on but you get the picture.

He had a memory test and it was decided that further investigation would be a good idea. He had a brain scan that showed no signed of dementia etc, he was told to do brain training by doing puzzles, etc, anything that makes you think & use your brain, he now does this regularly and he's heaps better.

Definitely mention it to your GP, good luck & give us an update when you've seen him/her

[Maisie2014 in reply to Lezzers]

Thanks for the reply. I’m not worried about memory and I do lots of puzzles, jigsaws etc. I’m very active out and about all the time and I had my annual cardio check last week. That’s when she picked up on the high BP. I just wonder why I keep buying food. It may be because of the lockdown and I admit I worry about my husband as he is a lot older than I although he is fit and well.

[Lezzers in reply to Maisie2014]

Oh right, so you're aware you're doing these things. Sounds like stress or maybe over compensating. Yes definitely tell your GP. Good luck

[Qualipop in reply to Lezzers]

Oh goodness I think you're describing my husband. He went out today before I got up. I came down to find the front door unlocked, cupboard doors open, toilet not flushed. He leaves his TV on, forgets to let the dog out, never thinks to top up her water, doesn't lock up at night. The one thing he never forgets is when it's time to eat. He drove up a while back to visit our son and when coming back, turned completely the wrong way onto the motorway going north instead of south. He's done that journey hundreds of times. If I tell him he gets angry so he obviously realises what he's done. I don't know if it's "Can't be bothered" or just doesn't remember.

[Lezzers in reply to Qualipop]

I don't think I'd assume he can't be bothered. Maybe he gets angry because he's upset or embarrassed that he does these things, I know my husband used to get very frustrated with himself. I personally would be speaking to your GP if he's going the wrong way on the motorway more than once as thats obviously a danger to him & others.

[Qualipop in reply to Lezzers]

NO he wasn't driving the wrong way in that sense. He simply went north instead of south. I'm keeping an eye on him, don't worry.

[Blearyeyed]

I'm so sorry to hear how you are feeling , so much loss , no wonder you seem to be feeling anxious and hoarding food like a squirrel in Winter. Hoarding comes from a urge to protect ourselves.

I would mention what has been happening to your GP because grief and loss is a form of stress that can have a strong impact on our health.

The Mental Health impact on our Physical Health cannot be exaggerated.

If we have chronic health issues we can , even subconsciously, have our own health and mortality play on our minds when we experience loss, even more so than someone whom is generally healthy.

It may be worth requesting a referral for some Talking Therapy to cope with Grief which is s available on the NHS.

Or , even look up some local groups for Grief or Chronic Health support that meet face to face , or online , that you can talk things through at and get some tips on how to cope and change around how it's affecting you.

Take care , and please don't leave it so long , if you are feeling bad we are here to listen too, hugs , Bee

[Maisie2014 in reply to Blearyeyed]

Thanks Bee. I’m due to see him on Friday so will write down what I’m feeling so it reminds me to mention it. It’s ridiculous really that I didn’t tell the nurse when she was doing my annual check. She asked me if I was anxious and I said I wasn’t. She was late seeing me and so apologetic I didn’t want to make her even more late I suppose.

[Blearyeyed in reply to Maisie2014]

Good , hopefully your GP can help.Don't ever feel like you are wasting someone's time or feel rushed in an appointment because they are running late.

You need to get the help and I'm sure they'd be really sorry if they thought that you didn't tell them what they can help you with.

Take care , Bee

[HHH2017]

Hi Maisie, so glad you've reached out to the forum👍🏽 so many of us suffer similarly at varying times.

Please now also reach out to your GP and discuss this medically. This could certainly be contributing to your BP issues. My sister stock piled food without realising when she was experiencing depression.

I hope your GP can offer some useful advice and Im sure you'll get some on ere too. Best wishes.

[maggie80]

Hello Maisie, tell the doctor how you feel also ask to have your bp taken. Try and relax, easier said than done.

[Carercmb]

Maisie

Thank you for sharing and keep us posted.

Funerals of people we have shared our life with are not easy as it keeps reminding us of our vunerability.

BP Mine is the same although I am on medication. At my review last week my nurse said if BP is over 150/ 90 for 2 days to ring the surgery. I would definitely mention your concern to your GP

Like you I started to bite my nails during covid and continued. I never did prior to this. It is a sign of stress and being anxious.

You are aware of too many food supplies and this is a sign of stress.

Try and mix with people that make you laugh. Give yourself time to enjoy a hobby but definitely talk to your GP . Your not alone and there is helpful groups to join or you may need an antidepressant for a short time.

Sending a big hug as I have felt the same at times and it’s upsetting.

[Murderfan58]

Maisie of course you mental health has suffered you are grieving and unfortunately there is no cure for that. You will always grieve for your loved ones but in time you will cope. If you mention it to your GP he may suggest anti depressants but that's not the answer as the grief will still be there. And another funeral coming up will only add to your grief.

My husband died 20 years ago aged 47 I was 45. I grieve for him everyday and over the years the grief gets worse as he's missed so much . When he died my present and future died with him . Making a new present and future is hard. But I learnt to cope but at times the grieve can be overwhelming so I have a good cry to get it out of my system.

No only are you grieving but you have all the firsts to face up to. It's not easy. Especially with physical health and. But I have found physical health can effect your mental health and vise versa add grief to that mix and it just makes everything worse. Your physical and mental health. Only time will help you learn to cope. But never bottle your feelings up.

I was foolish and thought I had to be brave and ended up hurting myself more.

When you say there are only 2 of us do you mean a husband or partner. If so talk to them and hold onto them while you cry if you want to or just cuddle.

Grief is the price we pay for loving . If we didn't love them we wouldn't grieve . And without love out lives would be the poorer.

I have found over the years there are different sorts of grief the worst is the death of a child . Then of a husband or partner , parents ,siblings, close friends . Grief for a much loved pet. And grief for loss of health . But this is my own theory.

Give yourself time to grieve . What you are feeling is normal .

Make sure you look after yourself. 💐

[TAVIshock]

Maisie, Don’t worry about worrying ! There seem to be enough changes in your life to make some anxiety inevitable. As it usually does, all this will pass easier if you can fret less.

Good luck

Tavishock

[Qualipop]

I've donethe food thing quite a few times since the pandemic. I like to have one spare of everything we use and usually only order when things are getting low but lately I've found 3 or 4 spares in the cupboard. Maybe it's a reaction to the shortages there were. I do think a good honest talk to y our GP would be in order.