I have been to Liverpool heart and chest hospital today for my 6 monthly scans . So in the last month I have had 4 scans carried out and now waiting for my thoracic consultant appointment on the next steps.
It all seems all to real now and I'm starting to realise I'm getting closer to surgery date....
One day I'm fine and the next I find I start to worry and panic.
I know it has to be done but at the same time I don't want it done as I'm scared.
On the outside everyone says I'm brave and coping so well as I'm always smiling and saying what will be will be but on the inside I'm frightened and just want to scream and cry.
The hospital called me after my scans to say my consultant is on annual leave until November. I don't know 8f I can wait that long but I don't want to see a different consultant either.
I'm sorry for the rant but I guess I'm just scared.
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Safeangel
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I’m sorry you’re feeling anxious about your surgery at the moment. Many others will tell you it’s normal to feel this way. I feel like this before a test or a procedure, so I can imagine the worry surrounding a surgery is that much more intense. It’s a shame your consultant is on annual leave however, the results of your tests are also important and November is some time away. Would it be worth seeing another consultant just to put your mind at rest for the time being until your usual one comes back?
I hope others come along to offer you their support.
I think that may be my best option to take, I just feel a little overwhelmed about it all today 😔
rant away Angel I'm a very recently diagnosed bicuspid av candidate and in in total shock, I also try to appear sunny on the outside whilst falling apart inside hidden from family and friends except my dearest OH and all my new friends here lol
changes in my meds have upset the apple cart but I had virtually no symptoms and those I did have were put down to my diabetes or anxiety issues so I've had this for 67 yrs and never knew even though I've had numerous medical tests ops investigations 3 pregnancies etc etc
Not a clue did they have till now
So we here are all in this together and the lovely heart warriors here are going to help us get through
stay strong but if not I'll lend you my box of tissues
I don't know if you are on facebook, but I belong to this fantastic group facebook.com/groups/1864350... it's for people who are are waiting for or have had valve surgery and aneurysm repairs. They are a lovely group of people so kind helpful and supportive.
I had surgery 3 years ago at the age of 73, and came through it with no problem.
know it's easy for my to say, but honestly waiting for the operation is the worst part.
If you havn't already joined, I strongly suggest you do so. xx
We all have felt the way you do some feeling it now when surgery is approaching I know I did , like you I knew I needed a triple Bypass which made me so full of fear and part of me did not want it but it was not a choice and while I was waiting I came on here and got support I tried to change the way I thought telling myself this is going to be ok and make me better all the negatives I tried to find positives it is not easy but really helps if you can
I cringed when you said everyone thinks you are coping fine because of how you act as that is something that we can do sometimes and why I am not sure when we are in bits on the inside and what it results in is we get no support and then we feel even worse when we don't or I know in the past this is what has happened with me
Maybe tell those that are close to you how you really feel now is not the time to be saying you are fine but to be asking for support and I am sure your loved ones will be more than willing to give it you and you deserve it
Crying is normal I have cried so many tears but letting out these emotions is better than leaving them in so let the tears come and after allow those that care about you help wipe them away
Has your Consultant left you another appointment for when they get back ?
We can get attached and out our trust in certain people I know I did with my Surgeon and when they have followed us through something they know the history
If this is not an emergency and you have an appointment for as soon as they get back maybe it is fine to wait if not maybe it might be a good idea to see what another one has to say as they will be just as good even though not the one you have trust in
If you do wait till November it will be here before you know it and meantime come and talk with us and please think about opening up to those close to you x
Thank you for taking the time to reply and I think you are right 🙂 I need to open up to my friends more about how I am really feeling. I just think I don't want to come across as a moaner and ruin their day.
I think as it gets closer to the date I am just worried if I will pull through and see my children and partner ever again....
I am sure these are natural feelings to have but every now and then I actually stop and think and realise I am a little broken 😔
This is quite a big operation no one would think you were moaning one bit please try not to think that way talk to at least one of them give it a go and let me know their reaction to you
Those thoughts yes we all get them but do you know these surgeons are fantastic they really are you are in the safest hands you could possibly be you will be around a long tome yet to see your Children and watch them grow up x
I'm going to say this forum is really good at advice and very supportive.I have been made very welcome here and all the responses have been helpful, however I do understand your worry and concern.
I attended Liverpool Heart and Chest last year and have to say I had a months heart monitor, an ultrasound scan and CT Scan very quickly but the report on these three tests took 2/3 months to come to me and my GP. That said I live in a seaside town 20 minutes from Liverpool and the overall care from Liverpool was brilliant compared to where I live I was initially told after a three month wait to be seen at another hospital in Liverpool the wait times was 12 months because of the backlog from a certain virus.
I do firmly believe the best care is in cities and not seaside towns. Many brilliant consultants seem in my experience to work in cities and if I had my choice over I wouldn't choose to live where I am, but my move was mainly dictated by the fact that my mum had cancer and Alzheimer's dementia and I wanted to look after her. It now seems a little unfair to me that since mum passed two years ago my own health had deteriorated and apart from three friends I'm totally alone, I am blessed to have a roof over my head and just enough money to get by on.
Noodlesalad thank you for your reply, I live around 1 1/2 hours from Liverpool so its a bit of a journey there and back and a full day.
They have told me my results will be back in 7 - 10 days so fingers crossed. They however don't get sent to my GP for some reason or as informed the computers don't talk to each other.
I am sorry to hear about your mum, but having three friends is better than having 100 acquaintances.
I have 3 very good friends and they have been by my side throughout this journey.
Have you thought about moving or is that not an option?
Firstly thank you for your lovely reply, this is one of the many reasons I like this forum.You're journey back and forth to Liverpool is a long one. I always find hospital visits draining but at least I live close to the one I started my NHS career in, so I am a bit biased about Liverpool Heart and Chest Hospital.
I am very blessed with my three friends we all went to school together and we're in our sixties now.
I have looked at moving selling my apartment but there's very little in my price range. I also considered selling and moving into rented accommodation for over 55's, however my three friends point out to me that I'm lucky the building I live in is very quiet even though the street my apartment overlooks is very noisy from midnight onwards with drunk young people fighting and arguing.
My head is all over the place at the moment with what path to take. I even considered a caravan park home. I'm a Waspi woman so until I reach state pension age in January I really am a bit tied to where I live.
You don't want to move away if you have three lovely friends since you've known since school (that is lovely to hear) one of my friends I have known since school and it is so lovely to be part of her life .
If you are happy where you are and it's quiet then maybe you are better staying in your lovely home (I think we all have the drunks fighting and shouting especially at the weekends, sometimes fun to watch 😂)
Moving is such a hard decision to make and it has to be the right decision......xx
Thank you. You're absolutely right, moving is a huge decision, as for the drunks I'm on the 4th floor and yes whilst they can be funny ( some people don't mind where they take a pee),it's the blood curdling screams from the drunk girls, at first I used to run to the bedroom window thinking they were being attacked thankfully they never were, now I just stay in bed and don't care about the screaming. I do occasionally close my bedroom window but I like the fresh air in the bedroom. I think it's one of those situations where I need to say be happy you have a roof over your head and not homeless.Thank you for your lovely message.😊
Sorry I am jumping into this as I was reading your post and answers to it You are blest with your friends but you mentioned over 55 accommodation I moved into one at 60 It's a set of 14 bungalows in a quiet corner with own garden and with a warden in a nearby block of shelteredaccomandation flats overseeing us There are pull cords for emergencies and with health problems that is a comfort and we all look out for each other I have never regretted it It might be worth putting your name onto a list It doesn't mean you to have to take anything Where I Iive they release a list once a week online so you can see what's available You might decide in a few years and if your name is down that's a plus There might be something near to your friends comes up. Just a thought
Thank you for your input I really appreciate your understanding and response. I am blessed with 3 super friends but two of them are married so I try not to bother them very much and I know we're all there for one another no matter what, the third friend has many friends but she has/does give very sound advice. I joined Anchor housing list two weeks ago, and they did say there is nothing in my area at the moment.
Whilst my friends are a massive blessing I wouldn't consider ringing any of them when I felt so wretched at 2 am this morning. That's why I'm also considering the type of housing you kindly suggest, part of me has considered moving to pastures new as I see it as a massive adventure and I think that might be good for me.
However I do have this nagging voice in my head which says hold on a bit longer, what for I do not know.
Thank you cappachina I appreciate anybody's input and suggestions.😊
It's a pleasure and I have never regretted making the decision My neighbours are all retired and we are all always there for each other zgGlad you are on the anchor list Does your local authority have a list too another thought I live in the North East and we do It will be a waiting game for you but at least you are in the chain
HiYes my local authority does have a list. I'm not on it at the moment.
I did consider the North East because I know parts of it and how beautiful it is.
I have just been speaking with one of my three friends and she naturally said I should have rung her at 2am this morning, she also had a heart problem, and my problem is asking for help. I have always taken care of myself even when I was married and poorly I took care of me, and I think that's a problem I should address and not be so self caring and not wanting to bother anyone.
Thank you for thinking about me. I do appreciate everyone's replies.
I went to the same hospital. My surgeon was changed on the day of surgery. He seems to have done a great job as I have never felt better. Hope this helps!
That is very good news to hear and I think I was getting upset as I seem to hit every brick wall going and find it frustrating that at a stressful time in our lives we are the ones constantly chasing the hospital for updates. x
Hi it’s ok to be scared, I’m sorry you feel this way since my HA I’ve spent most of my time being scared look great on the outside people keep saying I’m a strong woman but I am so so scared inside, what if it happen again lots of questions going round in my head , I did go and chat to someone which helped lots, I was taught some coping techniques which do help me, speak with your doctor or the Heart nurses and ask if you can be referred tell them exactly how you feel.
Thankyou and I am going to try and open up a little to people although my whole life I have always painted the smile on and preached about glass half full . I hope you are managing after your HA and enjoying life to the full ❤️
I get that totally because I have always been the same just get on with it and painting that smile to cover the fear and tears was something I got good, I do try to keep myself busy eat healthy walk exercise all good for the soul
I wish you all the best too little steps and all that x
Safeangel, I don't know if you are on facebook, but I belong to this fantastic group facebook.com/groups/1864350... it's for people who are are waiting for or have had valve surgery and aneurysm repairs. They are a lovely group of people so kind helpful and supportive.
I had surgery 3 years ago at the age of 73, and came through it with no problem.
know it's easy for my to say, but honestly waiting for the operation is the worst part.
If you havn't already joined, I strongly suggest you do so. xx
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