post bypass sugery

[Dawn1961]

hi, my husband had double heart bypass twelve weeks ago , I thought he would be prepay to return to work now but he says he is just not ready , he still says his chest hurts where the sternum is healing. He doesn’t sleep well and just sits around watching tv all day . This is the total opposite of the person he was before the operation. I’m really concerned about him as a few weeks ago he was making suffix models and enjoying doing that but it’s like he has just given up . Is this normal? Any advice ? I work all week but home by 3.30 pm , try to get him out at weekends which he does with me . I just feel maybe I should set him a couple of jobs to do round the house each day . I am

Exhausted myself from the last few months of managing everything myself and taking care of him .

[SRDS]

Hi Dawn1961

I went through what you are going through. People deal with the physical and mental trauma of going through this in different ways, I think. Both him and you are coming to terms with the situation. It is a process, from my own experience. Maybe bring your support system in? Meet family and friends? Also maybe go for walks everyday after work? That can only help both of you, it is healthy and will do both of you good. He needs to talk anyway post surgery.

Do take time for yourself too, something nice you do for yourself regularly. It is important. It will also help you be strong enough for him.

Keep us updated.

Take care

Shaivi

[Hidden]

I don't know what sort of a relationship you have with your husband but it might be worthwhile sitting down with him and gently pointing out to him that the last few months are beginning to take their toll on your own health, and that is not too good for the both of you, and hopefully he will respond in a positive manner, by starting to take on more to lighten the load on yourself, especially since the worse is now behind him. That doesn't mean he needs to redecorate the house (!) just gently and progressively up his activity levels with a renewed sense of purpose, but all within his physical limitations. Does he have any hobbies or interests you could encourage him to restart or even start? Certainly watching TV all day is going to send anyone into a state of apathy, and from the little I've seen day time TV is particularly mind numbing. I hope you both soon turn the corner.

[Dawn1961 in reply to Hidden]

Thankyou for replying, we have a great relationship and can talk I think

My main concern was that he was doing one of his hobbies which was model making and then suddenly three weeks ago

Just stopped and didn’t want to do anything . I’ve told him today I’m really concerned and want him to try to do a little guarding next week even if it’s just at garden table potting plants . We are starting a cardio exercise class together next week . He says he just feels so exhausted all the time ! And his chest aches not pain but just aches which is probably just the sternum repairing itself

[Jako999]

Hi 12 weeks is nothing I’m now 8 months post quadruple and my occupational health have said definitely not yet it could still be months.

The mental part of as this is massive, I’m 55 and never had a mental health problem but I have PTSD, I’ve seen a councillor and now I’m having EMDR treatment.

It’s no good you asking the questions on here he needs to talk to people who have been through it and understand him. Like most couples he won’t listen to your advice. If he won’t openly talk on a forum he can personal message me or other, or contact your gp. Does he have cardiac rehab because they normally have councillors mine has two in Dudley.

Tell him to swollow his pride, he needs help to get back to normal but he will get there. It appears to me that 75% of us hearties suffer from mental health problems after what we have all been through.

Hope this helps. Thanks Martin

[Dawn1961 in reply to Jako999]

thanks Martin

[Suebedoo]

Hi Dawn1961 - my husband had heart bypass surgery in February 2020 and received very little, if any, aftercare because of the pandemic. At first he seemed to be recovering well and was going out for exercise and keeping himself busy but then it was like reality stepped in (big style). He is a proud man and because of that didn’t talk to me or want to talk to anyone else. Even with all my counselling skills (I am a cbt counsellor) I couldn’t get through to him. He was a self employed electrician and because of covid and his illness he lost a lot of business. After three years, he is better than he was, no where near the man I fell in love with and has finally admitted he is depressed. I am looking into his medication to see if any of them lower his mood, how to boost his immunity because that is now rubbish and whatever I can do to help as he won’t speak to a therapist. I think the lack of aftercare was what made this worse so please get him to take advantage of the rehabilitation offered. Also be proactive and find natural ways to help. As far as the aching chest - my husband still gets that occasionally. I don’t know what your husband does as a job but could he not go back just one day a week at first and gradually build it up? My post seems depressing when I read it back and sometimes the strain on me gets too much but I have learnt to be firm with him and challenge him a bit rather than want to protect him. He does bits of work now and is much happier than when he was sat around doing nothing