So tired of everything right now. Speaking to my cardiologist who just seems to completely ignore excessive evidence provided to him relating to the frequency of my PVCs.
Why is it adult patients are spoken to like they’re either stupid or children?
I actually spoke up for once and said I felt dismissed. Very exhausted with the constant battle (and very fatigued).
It's sad but unfortunately that's how most of us are treated and next time it happens to me I'm definitely gona speak up because my next appointment is in person.So sorry this happend to you it literally does make you feel like they treating as if your stupid which is so unfair I don't know why some doctors do that 😔💔
It’s so frequent, isn’t it? I’m under a lot of consultants due to extensive illness and with cardiology, I’ve got every app and every bit of proof to show how frequent my PVCs are, and yet still he’s patronised by saying if I was getting over 20,000 a day - which I do and is proved by apps - that I’d be getting them every few second (which I do when I’m in an attack, when I can’t breath and am passing out).
It’s been a horrendous battle with this department leading me to such severe stress it’s made me seriously ill. I just get so fed up of being spoken down to when the sheer extent of information you’re providing hasn’t even been looked at. It’s exhausting.
The snort of derision always gets me too.
Sorry you’ve faced it too. It’s so common with the chronically ill. Yes, definitely speak up. Feels hard to do but so necessary.
Thanks for the understanding. Sorely needed today! 💛
You are not alone in feeling like this!
I don’t know if you have tried this already but could you have someone with you at your appointments, get them to take notes for you. Have a list of points you want to make and if you feel exhausted or beaten down they could speak up for you, making sure your points are made. At the end of the appointment get them to summarise what has been said and if there are any things that you have not agreed with they can make this clear.
Also, if you don’t like how you are being spoken to it is ok to say “please don’t speak to me like that”. They may not like it but is ok to challenge them, politely.
Thanks, Wolfie.
I do exactly that - have all my notes prepared because it’s always so overwhelming (especially when under so many departments) - and talk through them. Unfortunately, I don’t have anyone to sit with me through it. This one was a phone call. I just get completely exhausted and beaten down when say my GP has recorded certain events and telling me to go to hospital but it’s completely trivialised or dismissed by the doctor you get to speak to once a year.
Unfortunately, I feel this cardiologist can’t be bothered. And unless it’s a heart attack or something life and death (even though my vitals gets so low it’s worrying) he’s not concerned.
The stress of it all is so bad I’m considering discharging myself.
I always ask if I can record the consultation on my phone ... purely because of my non existant memory!It's really helpful to refer back to and I've always had lovely experiences personally
I have a list of autoimmune illnesses and I got my echo done by being stubborn and saying no I need to be checked. So today I start my heart consultations. However when I feel I am losing the battles my hubby comes along and it drives me nuts but it works I always get better treatment or discussion at least.
PALS at your hospital Is worth talking too as well as at least it opens dialogue.
Hang on in there as you are not the only one going thro this it’s just when we get a very rare face to face you want to make the most of it.
When one consultant made a snort at me I asked did he had phlegm…….. his face was a picture and he asked why I asked I said well it can’t be you being rude it must be a touch of phlegm. I have only seen him once since but always polite now!!!
That made me lol with the phlegm! Injecting some pointed humour is probably the way to go. I’ve lost myself so much through this, and my self-worth so dissipated after being so constantly beaten down, that it’s all I can do to get through appointments and still be breathing at the end of the day.
Very much want to have a big ol cry now. But got another appointment.
Would love to have someone fighting for me but don’t have anyone. 😔
I contacted PALS at this hospital previously, when the hospital nearly killed me, and was treated badly ever since. Spoken to PALS at other hospital before and had a positive experience but think this hospital is bad too down.
It’s just so hard.
Good luck with your consultations!
just remember it’s your body and you have the right to know what is going on and how to move forward. If you have a friend who could go with you great but if not a written sheet of questions and issues so you don’t lose you way and keep going till all points covered.
Pull on the big girls pants and chin up and go in roaring like a lion even if all you want to do is be quiet in the corner. My RA forum taught me question and fight for good service! I let things slide the first year I now battle if I have too!
I definitely need to find my lion. I just haven’t got the strength right now. Had to fight like this for two years and am beat.
I did manage to get a holter so that’s something.
I’m so sorry you feel so defeated by this, that is horrible. Deebs suggestion of PALS is a good one, they may be able to give you some good suggestions. It can be very hard trying to communicate with medical “professionals” but please don’t let them make you discharge yourself.
I honestly just feel exhausted and mentally beaten down by it all. Feel very sad and broken today.
It’s the fact GPs and other professionals are telling me to seek immediate advice when my heart rate is so low that I’m passing out and have serious symptoms, and he’s just trivialised and dismissed it. It makes me feel lost and like what’s the point anymore.
I’ll pick myself up - always do. But still got the bat mark in my head right now!
Just wanted to add a thanks for your reply yesterday. Makes all the difference. Hope you have a good day.
Have you asked to change consultants or have a second opinion? If it’s possible for you then going for a private consultation may help.
Good luck!
I'm so sorry you have had such experiences, and know exactly what you mean. I'm a very strong individual and have found myself beaten down, the cardiologist being one of the worst culprits.You say your GP has evidence of the problems; can you perhaps ask for support from him/her? They could perhaps write on your behalf. Otherwise consider asking to see a different consultant, that is what I'm going to do. I usually say that I feel there is a communication issue, that I'm not able to explain myself clearly so I'm therefore not happy with the outcomes. I try not to be accusatory, in fact I try to show that I'm accepting some of the blame myself as this can defuse the situation.
More people need to try to find their voice with the attitude they encounter or nothing will change.
Good luck, big hugs.
Thanks Scentedgardener, and so sorry you feel beaten down too. But how awful is that, we’ve learnt to be submissive and shoulder blame in order to be treated with respect? It’s so corrupt. But I understand where you’re coming from - I’ve done the same!
I think I’m just dealing with too much right now. I’m under many consultants and when the majority act like this I feel sapped of any hope to carry on. I’m going to give my brain a day off (no appointments today!) and try to oil it better and then decide.
My GP actually previously wrote when I was symptomatic with neck pain, chest pain, low heart and BP and it took two months for him to even bother responding to say try me on beta blockers but it was no bit deal.
I actually asked him myself what do I do next time my I have chest pain, my heart rate is 25, my DBP 45 and I’m passing out… he said put your head between your knees. It’s like telling a woman she’s neurotic and hyperventilating and just needs to “calm down”.
It’s the condescension and gaslighting that gets me. It’s exhausting. When I’ve bought every app to show the sheer extent of my frequent PVCs and bracacardyia and I get snorts that it can’t be over 20,000 because I’d be getting them every 15 seconds, when actually I get them nearly every other beat for days, weeks or over a month, I just lose the will.
Hope your switch goes well and you receive a good result! My cardiologist likes to name drop and say he knows all the consultants, which actually makes me feel like there’s no point in moving because they’re all in a boys club. Are we in the 50s?
I tried to ask my cardiologist when I should seek help during an episode with arm, shoulder, neck, jaw and back pain. I'm not stupid, I know they can be red flags for a heart attack, but having had this a few times, and in a sort of disbelief state and questioning whether I was really feeling this or was it a result of anxiety from the episode. I thought he could give me an indication of what action to take. No, I only got as far as saying "When should I seek help when I get an episode...." and he cut me off saying "It won't kill you."I think you're right, they've gone back to the 1950s, but WE haven't, and they need to remember that.
I have an immense amount of simmering rage inside me from all the medical lies and gaslighting, to the extent that I'm starting a form of therapy next week. I hope it works, or some doctor sometime, somewhere, will cop the rough side of my tongue!
That’s so weird, I’ve had exactly the same symptoms and got apps and already had a BP machine due to previous diabetes, and even when showing the evidence, still got disbelieved and gaslighted.
On the flip, my GP earlier in the year said next time call 999 and a previous ED doc said the same. So I will listen to them next time (hope there isn’t a next time), but I shouldn’t be passing out alone with low BP, heart rate and symptoms - neither should you!
Hopefully, these conversations will make us all stronger in trusting ourselves again (something that has fallen off a cliff for me since going through serious illness).
Yes, the gaslighting is sickening and I feel your simmering rage that we are not allowed to let out. I really hope your therapy works. I need to find someone to talk to. Samaritans have been a massive help to me when I’ve been on the verge of giving up because of all of this.
My therapy is through the GP, in this area it's called Let's Talk. To be honest I don't really expect it to, it's all as a result of experiences, but perhaps it will help me to have a little more trust in what the doctors say.I find it therapeutic to write my feelings down. I always do a write up following an appointment, it's surprising how much you forget and useful for letting off steam. I also wrote a record of all the events that led to my medical distrust.
I encourage myself because there are so many people who cannot stand up for themselves and while I may be a lone voice in the wilderness that's better than no voice at all. I'm strong enough to do it, lots of people can't.
Stay strong, today is a blip, tomorrow you could have your strength back.
And an important voice you are! Thanks for your strength.
Despite Nice guidelines medics and consultants in particular do not listen to patients or take their preferences and values into account. Instead they dish out their advice and precriptions and if you seek to be heard expect to be treated as though your voice is an unhelpful distraction.
they all talk over and down at you. It’s wearing. This week I have spoken to my GP; a rheumatologist and a respirologist. None listen - they just talk over me. Short of telling them what’s what and being branded rude etc there’s not much as can be done. They forget that these things are happening to an individual not a sample group and that this person’s experience and feelings matter.
I’m so sorry. It is unfathomably wearing and insufferable. It’s very much that these appts make you feel like you can’t even be direct or strong because the power balance is so skewed. I feel you and I’m sorry. The only solace I’ve taken from things this week is at least talking to others makes me feel less alone. Yesterday was a worryingly bad day where that isolation and loneliness made me sink to dark places. Thank god for this site and the lovely people.
Hopefully you can do something nice for yourself today? It’s so hard to constantly battle. Even if it’s watching something funny. Being trodden on constantly is dangerous.
I’m taking a day completely off hospital before my brain breaks and I give up on everything. Sending you hugs.
Agree, get spoken to like a 3 year old! I see various Consultants for various conditions and I find if I speak to them from walking in like I’m talking to an average person they respond better..ie they are not God’s.
Being patronised is not ok. Also query if they say something not conjudive with you and point out why..say over until they respond.
They aren’t all the same, but too many are.,humph!
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