Downhill so fast!

[Love101cats]

14 months ago i was caring for my dying husband at home and managed it all well. Since then I've had no good news. I have stage 4 kidney failure, 3 ? Heart Failure, Thyroid playing up, the biggest hiatus hernia the cardiologist has ever seen. The NHS wheels are catching up with me and I've had 24 hour monitor and a scan but no good news from either. Im trying to find light at the end of the tunnel but there is no tunnel. So has anyone felt that there is nowhere to go but they did get some quality of life back. I am a positive person just can't see anything.

[RufusScamp]

Such a run of misfortune (to put it mildly) would floor anyone. I am so sorry for your loss. The stress of nursing your husband can't have helped, but give yourself all praise for your care for him.Take one day at a time, and follow advice from qualified sources. Even if you can't get back to full health, it is still possible to do things. I find on-line learning and listening to music really helpful. You can count on the good will of others on this site.

[Love101cats in reply to RufusScamp]

What sort of learning do you do?

[RufusScamp in reply to Love101cats]

There are several providers of on-line courses, like the Open University, Future Learn and EDX are the ones I have used. They include a huge array of subjects - languages, history, medicine and health issues, and my town has a lifelong learning scheme which is currently operating by zoom. There are doubtless many others, like the BBC and University of the Third Age. If you google "MOOC"s you should find some.

[Purpletara]

My husband passed on 7 years ago. He was ill and disabled for the last 15 years of his life. Like you I nursed him at home with the help of carers. Like you health wise everything fell apart after he died. Somehow I struggled through these years. I'm not going to pretend it's easy because it isn't but I had a lovely dog to keep me company and a good family.Covid struck and my lovely old dog died of cancer after a brave struggle. Really on my own now - no dog and can't see my son because he has worked all the way during the pandemic. Took the plunge and got an older rescue dog from the kennels. She needed a loving home as she had been really badly treat. My life is so much better for having her. Yes, I still feel poorly at times. Yes I still don't like being on my own but she has given me a reason to get up and out in the morning .

I'm not suggesting you should get a dog but just to hang on in there. Have your tests. Take whatever medication the doctors prescribe and get yourself well.

When we look after another we neglect ourselves.

It's time for you to care and be kind to yourself.

Sorry for the long post but just to let you know you can get through this. You are stronger than you think.

Best wishes and hugs to you.

[Love101cats in reply to Purpletara]

Thank you so much. I have rehomed two cats and they do help. They are so loving and fight over lap positions! I am going to phone hf nurses today. I had a scan last Tuesday and I know there are heart issues to be dealt with but im not going to allow it just to be kept on file till this pandemic ends.

[Purpletara in reply to Love101cats]

Hi, so pleased you sound better today. I've never had a cat, I've had dogs for over 40 years but my daughter in law has 2 beauties who were both strays.Just come in from a very muddy walk in the woods. Cassie and I are filthy but happy!!

It's interesting what Iris has mentioned. I used to practise mindfulness years ago and am starting to get back into it now - great minds think alike (or so the saying goes)!

Keep going - you've got the right attitude!

Keep posting and let us know how you are getting on.

Best wishes xxx

[IrisCarter in reply to Love101cats]

My rescue Kitty is also wonderful. So friendly and she has survived very hard times. Always happy to cuddle and her purring is so relaxing.

[IrisCarter]

Hi Love, You have had such a difficult period and as Rufus said, nursing your husband must have really taken it out of you. I have also been ‘enduring’ a very difficult period which started a few years ago. There were times when I thought that I couldn’t take anymore and that life would never get better. There were a couple of things that kept me going, the first was to return to my interest in spirituality and I read and listened to Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now. I also read a lot about near death experiences which put my experiences into a context that made sense. I also developed a mindfulness practice using Jon Kabat Zinn’s book Full Catastrophe Living. If none of that appeals then just noticing the beauty and variety of the world around you can help.

Second I developed a daily routine after writing a list of things that I enjoyed. So everyday, no matter how I felt emotionally, I went for a walk -sometimes that was just 5 minutes around the garden, I read, I made myself spend time with others and I started studying with the OU (I love academic work).

Finally, as Purple advises, I was kind to myself. I cried when I wanted to cry, I took care of myself by eating properly, and I accepted my need to grieve everything that I had lost. I also had a bracelet engraved with ‘This too shall pass.’

Three years later, and despite another truly terrible year, I feel much more optimistic and glad to be alive.

I am thinking of you with loving kindness and hope that you can find that feeling for yourself too. xxx

[istimewa in reply to IrisCarter]

Thank you IrisCarter for your words, they have helped me after reading your story. I must remember to get to that optimistic feeling you speak of. And "This too shall pass" is very helpful!

[Love101cats in reply to IrisCarter]

I love to study too and I miss my teaching. So I have started looking at O U and others. The last time I felt like this I had a stroke and it affected my balance and my memory very badly. I couldn't drive and couldn't remember the names of every day things like tea. After 6 months of trying to improve my language skills I joined a Latin class. It really worked and I did OK. So the question is, what now?

[IrisCarter in reply to Love101cats]

I have also had some problems with my memory since my surgery, but it has inproved over time. In 2018 I started with doing modules at the OU - who I was working for at the time. They were related to what I was teaching (Neurosciences) but once I stopped work I did a module on Victorian Literature with Oxford Online, then one on writing poetry and I am just finishing Critical Reading. Yesterday I got accepted to do a certificate in English Literature at Oxford with the aim of finally getting a BA in English Literature, I did psychology at university the first time round. I am also improving my French and learning Dutch with Duolingo and Babbel.

[Love101cats in reply to IrisCarter]

Wow! I have been looking online. We are spoiled for choice. I did quite a range of courses whilst teaching. It was easy to access and rewarding. I had a place for myM.Ed when my husband had his heart attack 33 years ago. So other than short courses which I have enjoyed I have had to shelve things for now. I quite fancy another language.

[IrisCarter in reply to Love101cats]

Because I am very self motivated I find Duolingo and Babbel very good but I know that the OU do French and German. Oxford online do short courses in French, Italian, Spanish and Greek 🙂

[valspia]

Rufus could not have said it better! The support of this online community is beyond compare. I am thinking of you and sending caring thoughts your way.

[EmmyLaury12]

What wonderful , kind replies you have had Lovecats .

All I an add is take care of yourself and take little steps to feeling better .

I’m sure the learning will help you .

You have really been through a tough time emotionally and physically and I feel it for you .

Let’s hope though there is light at the end of the tunnel for you , I’m sure you’ll get there just takes time .

Wishing you the very best ,

Keep us informed how you are getting on x

[Love100cats in reply to EmmyLaury12]

I have had such inspiring comments today. I feel so different to how I felt this morning.

[EmmyLaury12 in reply to Love100cats]

That’s really positive ,

Little steps and you’ll honestly get there because I did and Many other hearties on this forum

Take care Lovecats your not o. Your own we are here to support and listen .xx