Christmas Is Coming... : ... so let's... - British Heart Fou...

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Christmas Is Coming...

MichaelJH profile image
MichaelJHHeart Star
21 Replies

... so let's lighten the mood with some seasonal jokes...

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MichaelJH profile image
MichaelJH
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21 Replies
SpiritoftheFloyd profile image
SpiritoftheFloyd

Just a quick reminder that if you're leaving an alcoholic beverage for Father Christmas this year, it must be accompanied by a 'substantial meal'

Lezzers profile image
Lezzers in reply toSpiritoftheFloyd

😂 😂

080311 profile image
080311 in reply toSpiritoftheFloyd

Could we leave a scotch egg!😂

Lezzers profile image
Lezzers in reply to080311

Absolutely not!! Who even eats them anyway! 😂 😂

S11m profile image
S11m in reply toLezzers

Scotch eggs are quite "keto" - and one of my favourite snacks.

Lezzers profile image
Lezzers in reply toS11m

Yuk!! 😂

SpiritoftheFloyd profile image
SpiritoftheFloyd in reply to080311

Well George Eustice the Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs suggested it was last week

STUBAX profile image
STUBAX in reply toSpiritoftheFloyd

Not in tier 3!

Handel profile image
Handel in reply toSpiritoftheFloyd

😂😂😂 xx

Lezzers profile image
Lezzers

😂 😂

Stuart2441 profile image
Stuart2441

Christmas time......I love it, It's the only time I can slam my laptop shut quickly whenever my partner walks in the room and not get any disgusting looks 😂😂😂

When I was paying for my Christmas tree the cashier said are you putting it up yourself? I replied, don't be cheeky, I'm putting it up in the living room. 😁

Lezzers profile image
Lezzers in reply toStuart2441

😂 😂

jowalk6 profile image
jowalk6 in reply toStuart2441

😂

Handel profile image
Handel in reply toStuart2441

😂😂😂 xx

Cruger profile image
Cruger

I've just got my son a flat piece of cardboard for Christmas.

Although what the silly sod wants with an ex box I'll never know.

Lezzers profile image
Lezzers in reply toCruger

😂

Handel profile image
Handel in reply toCruger

😂😂😂 xx

DD13 profile image
DD13

Oh no! 🎅 Red mask, is now as black as his boots, must have been the soot, as he came down the chimneys.

Cruger profile image
Cruger

Things you can get away with saying only at Christmas

1. I prefer breasts to legs

2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

3. Smother the butter all over the breasts!

4. If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst!

5. I've never seen a better spread!

6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.

7. Are you ready for seconds yet?

8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!

10. Don't play with your meat.

11. Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.

12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?

13. I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time!

14. You still have a little bit on your chin.

15. How long will it take after you put it in? .

16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

17. Just pull the end and wait for the bang.

18. That's the biggest bird I've ever had!

19. I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning

and finally-

20. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all that and still want more!

Handel profile image
Handel

😂😂 xxx

Qualipop profile image
Qualipop

My kids have been finding the presents I've hidden away so I asked a friend what I could do. She suggested putting them in the loft so that's what I did last night.

Unfortunately I'm exhausted. I didn't get a wink of sleep because of constant shrieks about spiders and dust and "Can we come down now?"

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