Christmas Is Coming...

[MichaelJH]

... so let's lighten the mood with some seasonal jokes...

[SpiritoftheFloyd]

Just a quick reminder that if you're leaving an alcoholic beverage for Father Christmas this year, it must be accompanied by a 'substantial meal'

[Lezzers in reply to SpiritoftheFloyd]

😂 😂

[080311 in reply to SpiritoftheFloyd]

Could we leave a scotch egg!😂

[Lezzers in reply to 080311]

Absolutely not!! Who even eats them anyway! 😂 😂

[S11m in reply to Lezzers]

Scotch eggs are quite "keto" - and one of my favourite snacks.

[Lezzers in reply to S11m]

Yuk!! 😂

[SpiritoftheFloyd in reply to 080311]

Well George Eustice the Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs suggested it was last week

[STUBAX in reply to SpiritoftheFloyd]

Not in tier 3!

[Handel in reply to SpiritoftheFloyd]

😂😂😂 xx

[Lezzers]

😂 😂

[Stuart2441]

Christmas time......I love it, It's the only time I can slam my laptop shut quickly whenever my partner walks in the room and not get any disgusting looks 😂😂😂

When I was paying for my Christmas tree the cashier said are you putting it up yourself? I replied, don't be cheeky, I'm putting it up in the living room. 😁

[Lezzers in reply to Stuart2441]

😂 😂

[jowalk6 in reply to Stuart2441]

😂

[Handel in reply to Stuart2441]

😂😂😂 xx

[Cruger]

I've just got my son a flat piece of cardboard for Christmas.

Although what the silly sod wants with an ex box I'll never know.

[Lezzers in reply to Cruger]

😂

[Handel in reply to Cruger]

😂😂😂 xx

[DD13]

Oh no! 🎅 Red mask, is now as black as his boots, must have been the soot, as he came down the chimneys.

[Cruger]

Things you can get away with saying only at Christmas

1. I prefer breasts to legs

2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

3. Smother the butter all over the breasts!

4. If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst!

5. I've never seen a better spread!

6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.

7. Are you ready for seconds yet?

8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!

10. Don't play with your meat.

11. Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.

12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?

13. I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time!

14. You still have a little bit on your chin.

15. How long will it take after you put it in? .

16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

17. Just pull the end and wait for the bang.

18. That's the biggest bird I've ever had!

19. I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning

and finally-

20. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all that and still want more!

[Handel]

😂😂 xxx

[Qualipop]

My kids have been finding the presents I've hidden away so I asked a friend what I could do. She suggested putting them in the loft so that's what I did last night.

Unfortunately I'm exhausted. I didn't get a wink of sleep because of constant shrieks about spiders and dust and "Can we come down now?"