I have a beautiful grandson who has autism... - Autism Support
I have a beautiful grandson who has autism,he is 13 years old,I would love to help and understand all he needs and feels,can anyone help?
I am a 38 year old teacher with Asperger sydrome (a kind of Autism). I have two diagnosed children also. What is your Grandson like? Is he verbal and does he have any special interests? How much do you know already and are there any things in particular you are wondering about?
stuart is not coping at the special bace at his school,the teachers want to place him in another school, but as yet have not suggested any,he talks non stop,has no real friends,hates partys,crowds etc.thinks that other children are bullying him, which teachers deny,as he is now 13 I worry about puberty and how it will effect him,
The school sound like many I have heard about. There is a real need for schools to be trained to understand Autistic people. I have heard that a lot of schools try to get you to leave because it's easier for them, Legally they are obliged to make adjustments and it sounds like they are not doing a very good job. Have you been in touch with the inclusion team at your local council? They go into schools and if enough is not being done for Stuart they can make the school do it, be sure to let them know his school have suggested he move to another school, they will be "told off" for this. Also mention the bullying. If you think he is being bullied he almost certainly is and it is not acceptable. It is very widely known that Autistic people are vulnerable to bullies and any decent school should sort it. If you visit the National Autistic Society website, they have loads of great information, go to the section for teachers and you will find a piece on bullying, present it to the head of the school, along with your concerns in writing. Demand a meeting and tell him you expect support for Stuart.
Friends are tricky, a decent school would put a peer support group together for Stuart, again, the inclusion officer can help here, make sure you tell him. Puberty is a very difficult time for a lot of Autistic people and a time when you are quite vulnerable to depression. It is a time when many of us long to be more sociable, have more friends and relationships but it is often more difficult for us to do this. I really do think that a lot of people are pretty intolerant and that if everyone was a little kinder and more accepting, a lot of the difficulties Autistic people have would just disappear. If any of Stuart's regular behaviour changes, and you are worried, take him to your GP. Some Autistics struggle to communicate their feelings and emotions and may not show them in an obvious way, making it difficult for everyone else to see what is going on.
Also, it is worth finding out if there are any groups in your area for Autistic people/ teens. It may be a safer and more accepting place for Stuart to socialise in. You could also ask his paediatrician if there are any "social skills" sessions, these could help him to communicate in a way others feel more comfortable with and may help with friendships in school (although, on a personal level, I don't think Autistics should have to do this, I think everyone else should have a broader definition of how other people should behave and communicate).
If it helps, tell Stuart you have been talking to an Autistic lady who is a science teacher and has two wonderful autistic children. I am happily married but my life was a lot like Stuart's at his age. Despite my own difficulties, I am very happy to be an Autistic person, on a good day it is brilliant! There is hope and he can go onto have a wonderful life as many of us do, unfortunately for some of us the journey there is tough. I really hope this helps you both. Please let me know if I can help further.
thankyou for your advice,I will follow what you say,and hopefully things will improve for my grandson
You are most welcome. Good luck and if you have time, let me know how it works out for you.
My grandson is 8 years old and he too hates partys and crowds due to the noise. If the noise is bothering Stuart it may be worth buying him a pair of sensory ear defenders. You can buy them on ebay. Hope this is of help.
thanks for your input,I will suggest it to my grandson
Hi my son is 6 and he has all same troubles, he is struggling just now at school with bullying, I hope you are ok.
the school does not take this problem seriously,trying to get him in a special school, but there are not many places for kids like Stuart here,thanks for your input,I am really grateful for any advice
When I found out my son was being bullied I got in touch with the head of education as I was at a loss as to where to put him for the best. They were very understanding and pointed me in the right direction. He goes to main stream schooling but in the lunch hour he goes to the hi fab which is an autistic base and they have qualified people to help with social skills etc. I know these schools are few and far between, there needs to be more available. I also have a 6 year old where there is not much available for his age. Nssa has some good advise, it's a hard road made harder by lack of support in certain areas. I hope you have good luck with everything.
Ring Contact a Family now.
Ask for an educational advocate to attend meeting with the school.
It is unusual for bullying not to exist.
Take your grandson seriously
be aware that his behaviour may not be understood.
Record instances which your grandson reports(try not to let him be aware of this-you dont want to build it up).
To, me, a teacher of SEN, it would be quite unusual for a student who is slightly different,to escape some form of bullying-unless ALL the school children are especially understanding of him.Remember his perceptions may make him sensitive.
Remember to that children can be pretty clever in their tactics-the missing schoolbag replaced, etcetc.
My experience of my son and of ASD pupils, is that he possibly is being bullied and the school should be taking your concerns very seriously.
Try not to get upset with the school, but be effective.The Education authority, the psychology Service, exist to help your son.
My son is 21 with Aspergers syndrome.He went through exactly this at school.
The good news is that he is through the difficult teenage years which we faced-and have come through.
He does not notice loud music, lights, and is mixing with (suitable) others.
These sensitivities also seem to worsen with stress. He has outgrown them.
Be aware of neon lighting in classes , the sound of hot air driers in washrooms.
The school must protect him. They sound supportive, but he may need support out of lessons, getting to lessons, with work organisation.
The staff may not understand if he blocks his ears, la las and hums when they speak, is slow to answer.
These things helped.
A REMINDER THAT HE IS INTELLIGENT, NOT SLOW, AND THINKS THINGS THROUGH BUT NEEDS TIME TO PROCESS).
We fought unsuccessfully to keep our exceptionally intelligent on in the top class he was admitted to on entry at 11,where the students are nicer-sorry, but yes they are!
A support teacher !
A voice recorder, to record teachers instructions.
Written instructions for learning.
Lesson notes!
A two sided file-1 side for work to complete, one for work completed.
A telephone set to alert him to times to leave for lessons.
(His time keeping may be very rigid-if lesson starts at ten, he sets off at ten).
My son was an exact rule follower-he followed a line around the school floor to get to lessons, and so could never get out of school because he wouldn't cross it.
He needed protection especially after PE sessions.
The sudden and unpredictable movements of others are frightening.
He likes to run/cycle, not to do complex sports-football.
Also,unfortunately, there are some students who may target him..
He will not understand how his behaviour affects others.(if it does)
Teachers may not understand his inattention, him blocking his ears, singing lala,
He may appear rude to others, aggressive-these are all signs of difficulty in communicating.
Remember he needs to adjust to the news that he has ASD, at a vulnerable time of his life.
Our son took it badly at 15, and following his research on the internet, managed to develop every trait of Aspergers syndrome.
About this time, he developed really strange, uncontrolled walking, which only now appears as skipping and jumping.
Contact a Family and childrens advocates were our biggest help.
His ASD is controlled with tablets, and we have at last found tablets which suit him.
His is also a chemical difficutly.
I would also like to say that Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is a huge help
He sees a psychiatrist occasionally and a psychiatric nurse every fortnight.
He now flies, and drives an automatic, speaks more clearly, has A levels and friends,and is getting ready to do his degree.
I hope this helps, every child is different, but I would like to pre-empt some of the problems we have.
Dear Claravale I am so happy for you and your son. Life with Aspergers is exactly that, however they can learn - in their own time. I handled life by being a people watcher and guess I learned what or what not to do from them.
It is terribly difficult with schools, yes take your child's word about bullying, they really don't lie, they can't be effective liers, mistaken yes, as they have overly sensitive reactions to shouting or being ignored by a teacher etc.
One school he attended I caught out a teacher bare faced lying about something he said my son did.
There can be bad teachers as well as kids who bully.
They, Aspergers children can delight, frustrate, make you sad even cry all in one day.
I cannot see my youngest son, we fell out and I miss him terribly. He's 20 now, he needed to go out there and learn to stand on his own two feet.
Love to every mum out there who is struggling to see that their child gets the very best they deserve.
1H x
