just testing

[growingpositively]

test? won't let me post

[growingpositively]

So this worked but it keeps coming up with error when I try posting what I want to post?

[growingpositively]

maybe in a reply it will work?

I was diagnosed with autism a few months ago. It definitely has been more positive than negative – an explanation for pretty much everything in my entire life. I felt/feel (I don’t really know right now), like I had found my place in the world.

I think now I am realising, ‘oh this is because of autism, and this, and this’ and then I can’t help but wonder what my life would be like it. Would I have the trauma I do from mental health crisis and how the police have treated me? Would I have been bullied by students and teachers alike during my education?

And who am I and what is autism? I feel mixed things about all the things you read, autism is a superpower, autism is a different ability. Say I’m autistic, not I have autism. I’ve realised it is a huge part of me, but then I feel like I’ve lost myself a bit?

There’s a lot of people around me who aren’t very understanding, and that hurts as often they are the people I want to understand most.

I also feel super childish, preferring to sit on the floor, constantly having a fidget toy in my hand, rocking back and forth, meltdowns frequent at the moment because our kitchen is being redone and everything is moving. Will I ever be a true adult?

I am afraid of acting more autistic. My mask seems to be broken these past few weeks and it is scary allowing the true me to be seen.

Hope someone can provide a bit of support. Thanks for taking the time to read.