pls help 😭

[Faithsastranger]

there is this guy I like and since I have autism I can’t tell if he likes me back and in this moment I’m not texting him first to see if he would even but I just don’t know if I’m annoying to him or anything and I try be cool but I just don’t understand things sometimes it’s awful

[NotJim]

Hi Faithsastranger,

That sounds really frustrating. Sometimes the worst thing can be the uncertainty aspect of these situations, and autism making it harder to read things definitely doesn't help! (I have ASD too, am in a relationship now but oh boy the forays into romance prior to it all were a good ol' mess sometimes!)

I think the best thing to do is to just be you because what can make things click in a good relationship is if he likes you back for yourself. When you're feeling things for someone and don't know if they feel the same, you can feel really self-conscious and awkward, but that's nerves! A healthy relationship is one where you don't need to worry about pretence.

It's very hard to second guess how someone else feels (especially with ASD). All the speculation only adds to the uncertainty. So I would say that although it's scary, sometimes it's best to just be honest and ask. "Hey, I have to say it, I think I really like you.". Face to face is better, if you can possibly bear it, because text online or through messaging can often be misleading, and you can't tell the tone of the responses you get. If he doesn't seem to respond or says no then hey, it wasn't meant to be. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, or that you did anything wrong, everything is a learning experience. On the other hand, if he's interested then great. Or, you become closer as friends and things, if they happen, happen naturally over time.

I hope this helps, and that you feel better soon.

Best wishes,

[hbanana23]

I totally get how you're feeling right now. I also really like this guy too and I can't tell if we're flirting or if it's just friendly banter. It's so confusing and frustrating, isn't it?

This guy also goes through periods where he's quiet and doesn't say much so I start thinking the same thing like "What if I'm actually annoying and making it up that he likes me".

I agree with the below post - be yourself and try to show the guy that you like him to see if he will initiate anything more.

[Fuunycat in reply to hbanana23]

I agree with this. But I would also like to reassure that it is normal for more than just autistic people to figure out if a person is/isn't flirting. People are just kinda weird and show feelings in different ways!

[hbanana23 in reply to Fuunycat]

So true!! I've learned that the guy I'm interested in isn't a big talker unless he's in the right frame of mind. People are weird!! It's taken me a lot to get my head around that.