Memo to my Cell-mates

I came up with this thread in my head whilst in Costa - I hope it comes across as it's meant, i.e. more silliness :D If you could tell your ward/cell-mates anything, what would it be? From my latest admission:

If you know you snore like a hippo, please do everyone the courtesy of staying asleep on your side rather than flopping flat onto your back - else you may find I tape you to the bed on your side...

Let the poor nurses at least get back to their desk before you yell out for them AGAIN. BTW, the buzzer thing means you can call them without yelling the place down all day and night...

If you're going to discharge yourself at 2am, please do so quietly rather than making sure everyone knows what you think of having to wait 5 minutes for the nurses to deal with a non-urgent issue for you during the night and don't pull your own canular out leaving a treasure trail of blood splats behind you.

Don't mix up the comode and your chair - the smell lingers...

Please understand that your TV comes with headphones for a reason.

If you've been told to keep your oxygen on, then damn well keep it on, stop pulling it off, having your SATs drop and setting of the beeping alarms day and night.

Don't sit opposite me and stare at me. Stop it. Stop it now. Arrrrggghhh!!!

Try and understand the difference between a hospital ward with some pretty sick people and a hotel with room service. If you're well enough to be complaining that you haven't had a cup of tea for an hour (multiple times) maybe you're well enough not to be in hospital.

And a final completely true one which has left me traumatised for life - please don't engage in 'couple activities' with your partner behind the curtain - curtains are NOT sound proof!!!

Rant over. :D

8 Replies

  • brilliant!!


  • Lol!!!!!!!!!

  • oh please, how do you come up with this stuff?

  • I'm now being a very bad cell-mate myself by cackling with laughter in the middle of the night! I think every one of your memos struck a chord with me!

    From previous admissions (my roomies this time are angelic and lovely!):

    I would ask my cell-mates to please keep a careful note of which bed is theirs. I'm not entirely averse to sharing, but hospital beds are very narrow, hence the general rule of one patient per bed.

    Also, dear cell-mates, if you soil the nappy that the nurses have put on you, I would much rather you call them to help you clean up than that you try to deal with it yourself while standing in the middle of the ward.

    And finally, for now: it was inconsiderate of you to spray air freshener/throw talcum powder around/use those disgusting aerosol body spray things without asking (though I do prefer the smell to the one you were trying to cover) but to then comment on how disruptive my wheezing is, and ask if I could possibly keep the noise down, or perhaps take some medications, is just adding insult to injury.

  • ha - im sure thats my local hospital x

  • LOL!!!!!!!!!!

  • Nice one Ratty... I would also ask my cell mates to tell their visitors to be more considerate of the other patients.

  • This is brilliant, I like it

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