I came up with this thread in my head whilst in Costa - I hope it comes across as it's meant, i.e. more silliness If you could tell your ward/cell-mates anything, what would it be? From my latest admission:
If you know you snore like a hippo, please do everyone the courtesy of staying asleep on your side rather than flopping flat onto your back - else you may find I tape you to the bed on your side...
Let the poor nurses at least get back to their desk before you yell out for them AGAIN. BTW, the buzzer thing means you can call them without yelling the place down all day and night...
If you're going to discharge yourself at 2am, please do so quietly rather than making sure everyone knows what you think of having to wait 5 minutes for the nurses to deal with a non-urgent issue for you during the night and don't pull your own canular out leaving a treasure trail of blood splats behind you.
Don't mix up the comode and your chair - the smell lingers...
Please understand that your TV comes with headphones for a reason.
If you've been told to keep your oxygen on, then damn well keep it on, stop pulling it off, having your SATs drop and setting of the beeping alarms day and night.
Don't sit opposite me and stare at me. Stop it. Stop it now. Arrrrggghhh!!!
Try and understand the difference between a hospital ward with some pretty sick people and a hotel with room service. If you're well enough to be complaining that you haven't had a cup of tea for an hour (multiple times) maybe you're well enough not to be in hospital.
And a final completely true one which has left me traumatised for life - please don't engage in 'couple activities' with your partner behind the curtain - curtains are NOT sound proof!!!