Advice PLEASE

Hi all this has nothing to do with asthma im in a dilema me and my mam haven fallen out she was really evil to me by text when she was drunk the thing is you only get one mum and my cousins lost my auntie in january i dont know what to do do i apologise to her even though i done nowt wrong or do i wait for her to come to me i love her to death and would never forgive myself if something happend she really hurt me i ended up in hospital and seen crisis team next day and they comming out through the weekend what do i do im so concerned even more so when i read about snowy and what her family are going through advice would be grate im already thinking of phoning her then remember what she said to me sorry to moan but im beside myself love KA XXX

8 Replies

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  • Hi Kerry,

    It's so hard when families fall out isn't it?

    All I can advise you is that talking about these things when people are stull hurt and angry and upset can sometimes escalate it. But ignoring it doesn't work either. Is it possible for you to write a letter to your mum? Sometimes expressing yourself on paper is easier and it would allow you to tell your mum how much you love her - whilst also letting her know how hurt and sad you are about what happened?

    I hope things get resolved,

    Fee

  • Hi Kerry, Me and my mum have the odd sharp word now and again and both feel annoyed with the other. I must admit, I usually say 'sorry' first as my mum is a bit unbending but I love her to bits and I cant bear any friction between us. I usually say 'sorry you were upset' or something like that, and we make up straightaway.

    You say your mum was drunk so at least she didnt text what she did in cold anger. She might not even remember what she said.. Maybe let the dust settle but dont fall out for too long. You've only got one mum. Hope it gets resolved soon. Take care.

  • Hi Kerry. I know what you're going through - my Mum never let the thought that she might be hurting my feelings stop her from saying anything that came into her head. The thing is, you love your Mum and I've absolutely no doubt that she loves you and is regretting her behavior. And you're right, if anything happened to her and you weren't speaking you'd never forgive yourself. Taking into account the fact that your Mum was the worse for drink and is probably ashamed of herself I think that this is an occasion when you need to be the driver in the relationship. In a similar position i sent my Mum a few flowers with a note saying that I'd been very much hurt by what she said but that I didn't want it to come between us, and asked her to be a bit more aware of my feelings in future.

    Good luck.

  • Thanks for replies what my mam said was i was a stupid b*tch and wanting something unrealistic and she doesnt want to know about me when im feeling down i had phoned her on the morning as was feeling down but didnt know why and she was great and even phoned me from the pub when she 1st went in to see if i was ok then midnite she sent me about 5 texts stating what i put at top then she said f you im going to bed and i was just left crying a shocked thats why i wonder should i phone her was it my fault ect???? xx

  • Drink can make people say the worse things. Wait until things have settled. She looked after you til now right. although saying hurtful things is never nice but folk do it. It will be ok. a family member insulted his family due to drink but deep down loves his family. So i always help him with that in mind. Finally he went to rehab and things are getting better.

    Take care hon

    gill

  • As I said before, probably the drink 'talking'. Let things settle down and then get in touch (if she hasnt already). It'll be ok.

  • Kerry, it was probably the drink talking and maybe also a bit of a lack of understanding of how your asthma affects you. I know my own Mum expected that once I was an adult and had my own home etc. I shouldn't need to call on her when I was feeling down or unwell. You are entitled to be hurt and you are entitled to let your Mum know you were hurt, but your messages show how much you really love your Mum, no matter how much she's hurt you, so you also need to make sure that this doesn't turn into a long running rift between you because that would hurt you more.

    Have a big hug from me, give it a few days to let the dust settle and then get in touch.

    xx

  • I fell out with my dad, big-style, and would have prolonged it but for my husband and brother intervening. I'm glad they did. If I'm honest, we're two peas in a pod and often got on our high horse about something misheard/mis-said and taken as fact.

    Hope you get on ok.

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