Husband finds my Asthma hard to deal with

Hi all,

I am an Asthmatic and I am here for some advice.

My husband finds dealing with myy asthma very hard. Yesterday I had a bit of a 'funny five minutes' when I ran for the bus and thought I might need to call an ambulance. I managed to text him and get him to come home from work, but he was in a real mood all night.

He said he finds it difficult because he has had to limit the things that he does (I react to exercise, mould, birch pollen, very humid weather and very cold weather as well as dust mite and down feathers) so we don't go on the active holidays he likes and I find helping at the allotment (a passion of his) difficult.

Does anyone else have problems like this and what can I do to sort it out?

Thanks in advance!

5 Replies

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  • Ooh that's a tough one.

    All I could advise you is to make some time to sit down and have a real heart to heart about the issue. Give him time and space to say how it affects his life and then say how it affects yours. All I would say is try not to use accusatory words at all and keep it as light as possible so it doesn't become a row.

    Maybe a nice meal and a bottle of wine could help,

    Good luck if you decide to have a chat.

    Fee

  • I'm friendly with a chap whose wife had countless skin problems plus asthma on account of everything she was allergic too. He, bright as a button and agile as a mountain goat likes to ski the black runs and do other action holidays.

    She sat him down and went through all the ailments detailing the triggers and the results of these triggers. How it made her feel and acknowledging how it may make him feel. With the result that he was as clued up as she was on triggers and treatments (and would bring into anyone's conversation at the drop of a hat - sometimes there was no stopping him if he got into full flow). LOL

    Wishing you the best. My own family can sometimes not understand this new to mum thing - asthma. As in being told to ""Just walk slowly up the road and take time with no rushing"" then not two seconds later, being told ""Look the road's just about clear to cross. Come on! Run!""

    xx

  • hi RebeKah

    Must be hard for people understand what we go through as I did think as long as you had a puffer you are ok.Was only till I got it that I really got to know how bad people get and how lives change.

    Give him a little time to get use to it and he will see how you react on bad days and im sure he will start to understand your needs.

    IM new to asthma and only after two hospital stays and AnE MY husband realised how tough it can be and also sees me struggling to breath and coughing.

    Hope things settle soon and be there for you .

    love Glynis xxx

    edit ps sit and chat also and im sure you both can still have fun and enjoy a active life xxx

  • Hi

    I know exactly what you mean, when I was forst diagnosed with type II Brittle Asthma we really had no idea how it would change our lives, one of my first sudden serious attacks happened on the plane out to our honeymoon of all times, they had to resusitate me as I had stopped breathing and my husband was apparenetly in a real state, then after several ITU amissions we were reccomended to seek some counselling to deal with it, at first I didnt think it would help but it really did, she made us look at our lives through the eyes of each other, for the first time really after struggling with this for over a year I understood what it was like for my husband to watch me suddenly and anywhere anytime be so very ill and for him to be practically useless and he got to understand how it feels to wake up on a vent not knowing what happened, and then when you want to get back in control to have everyone molly coddle you and how frustrating that can be, I guess you dont have to go to the expense of seeking professional help but I know deep down that if we were left alone to just chat then we might not of been so honest about how we felt, it helped us a lot and I would do it again if needed.

    I think as we did you have to get it all out and then devise a plan of what you want to happen and what you also dont want when attacks come and then be prepared to talk about it afterwards.

    Hope that helps

    Snowy x

  • Hey Rebekah,

    I think the main thing you both have to do is be completely upfront with each other about it-thats how my fiance and I cope with mine-type 1 brittle. Like your hubby he loves being active and one of his passions is cycling. We live in Shrewsbury, Shropshire which is very hilly and has some gorgeous walks that if I'm having a good day I try and attempt although those days are very few and far between.

    I end up feeling guilty about it and have told him before I don't mind if he can't deal with it so to walk away but he's still with me for all my sins. When we do manage the ""dreaded walk"" we always go with his friend (they go off on their bikes) and my friend who walks round the shortest walk with me. Thankfully she works at the hospital and there's loads of benches up Haughmond Hill.

    Anyway what I'm trying to say minus the waffle is that you can do things together by compromising like that. Go out as a group then you're still spending time together and neither of you has to feel guilty about restricting the other. Or he could go out with his mates and you could have a girlie day in? Hope that helps maybe a lil love Hannah xxxxxxxx

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