Going out

[perusal]

Meeting ex colleagues a lot younger then me for a meal tomorrow I am getting agitated already because I have to walk slow and stop for a rest and get embarrassed think this will be the last time. Is it worth it I think . Do you ever stop social meeting because of similar feelings.

[terri-rose]

Hi Perusal.

Your post hit a raw nerve with me. I know exactly what you mean. Most of my friends are a lot younger than me too but it's never mattered. I don't think its an age thing but a stamina/strength/breathing thing. My breathing difficulties started a year ago and friends adapted their walking speed to fit mine. I have put them off (respectively) when going out. Last weekend I planned to go to the top of The Gerkin in London with a friend but put her off the day before with some elaborate story that I had made up (lied). She 's the only one who hasn't quite grasped the change in me and has not spoken since. I am now fretting about a trip that's already booked for Paris in May!! Once again with another friend 15 years younger. I am in training for that now!!

Yesterday, I had an invitation to Christmas dinner with my old team from a previous job. My initially reaction was excitement but by the time I'd analysed it from all directions , the journey, the crowd, the noise, the change in me... (even laughing makes me dizzy!!) I 've talked myself out of it. I just need a plausible excuse now not to go!

[perusal in reply to terri-rose]

Yes it is hard I went for the meal today but even talking was getting my breath and walking and talking Ha Ha how do they do that! I can not even have the menu they all had chinese gorgeous I had omellette and chips I cant have Gluten (flour) Think I will be making excuses soon too I am exhausted now. Take care

[Hidden]

This strikes a chord with me and I've posted similar before. It's so difficult and I would suggest you speak to your friends. The last thing you should do is cut yourself off with them, just be honest. E-mail them and explain you will meet them there and if you go on somewhere else just say you might need a little extra time. It's awkward at first but when my fronded forget I just shout jokingly at them! Good luck - its a horrible situation to be in but the last thing we should be doing is isolating ourselves further.

[Hidden]

Yes me also. I have changed what is left of my social life to suit me though I make an effort sometimes. If I am not up to it I just tell them the truth.

[perusal in reply to Hidden]

Thank you.

[Lynne1955]

I was embarrased at first but decided to be open and honest with my friends. As a result, they are considerate of my lack of speed. If they aren't, well frankly, they are not worth having as friends.

The only recent event I did not do was when my husband and I visited St. Paul's in London. He went up to the whispering gallery and I didn't. I wanted to, but knew I would have to stop a lot on the way and there were too many people going up with nowhere to pass anyone.

Lynne

[MrsShimmy]

I have "opted out" of a couple of occasions, both because of embarresment and cos I think I'll feel rough the day after (not cos of alcohol, just tired lol!!) but I've been thinking that I shouldn't...there'll be a time when I really cant get out...maybe I should make the most of these early stages....I get upset and embarrased in the wheelchair sometimes...but I tell myself its just a mode of transport which enables me to get ut and about with family and friends...I'm getting there!

I agree with Lynne...our real friends will be supportive, but we need to explain...they're not mind readers!

[counttoten]

Possative thoughts Perusal you can do it.

DX some 14yrs ago with alpha1 zz. Over that time I closed my life down and built my own walls allowing in only family and not many freinds.We have to do this because all social meetings could quite easily cause you to get infections.So I would suggest to you that like the other posters have already said inform your friends of your illness and if they are good friends they will understand.This is one thing that I never really did because I thought they would never understand and because I became a grumpy old bugger,I was always fit and well and played a lot of sports and worked non stop for my family and all that stopped at 44yrs of age. So really I had good cause to close down,but luckily enough my kids were in their teens and were just starting to get their own bearings in life.

It does take a while and eventually you adapt.

But I must stress one thing "Never be embarrassed by your illness".

I say this because I was embarassed for many years and and when I look back I think of myself as a silly old fool.lol It took me sometime to use my o2 in public or my inhalers but now I don't go anywhere without it on my shoulder,ready to shove that cannula up my snout as soon as I start struggling to breathe. I am now living a very good life I walk every morning with my JR (weather permitting) which everyone by the way told me not to get.

I do go to social gatherings but only bbq's or anywhere in the open air.If I visit my boy in Bow then the first thing that the grandkids do is open the doors to the back garden so I can get plenty of fresh air.What I am trying to say is now I feel excepted when really after all those years it was my personal feelings that I had to over come everyone else was ok with it.

Possative thoughts is what is needed.

[perusal in reply to counttoten]

Thank you.

[lavender1]

Hi Perusal just back to computer so you've probably had your day out. Hope all went well or goes well. Know just what you mean. I find it's maybe too much for my friends, who are mostly family, to take in as I know my nature has changed because of feeling unwell at times (think once bubbly now flat) and probably although now pretty isolated this may be it for the future. Then without copd I would have missed "meeting" the people on this forum whose help, support and honesty has been invaluable.

Can empathise also with terri-rose i.e. lying at times so as not to keep appointments to go out but even at these times I can be quite relieved not to be going out! More time is also needed for ourselves with this dreaded you know what for medication, thoughts on pit stops when shopping, privacy when experiencing bouts of coughing etc. which, try as they might to understand, most people can do without even hearing about. Lucky them, never mind we're still here!

[perusal in reply to lavender1]

Thank you I did go am exhausted now but enjoyed seeing them. The problem is they do not know or realise the effect COPD has on us . They always say I look well probably because I am red in the face with coughing. HA Ha

[zaney in reply to perusal]

Pleased you went and enjoyed yourself , because nobody can see how bad we are they have a problem understanding that we struggle with stuff that comes easy to them , like walking up stairs or even just walking with reasonable speed down the street.

[perusal in reply to zaney]

You are right, my friends know I have COPD and Angina but just do not realise two of them were laughing today and telling me not to be such a slow coach one of the others told them not to be so insensitive they said sorry but I still felt it. After the meal I got the train straight home they went onto a bar. At least I can still get out.

[zaney]

I feel really stupid as we were going away for a week a few weeks ago and i got so freaked out at the thought of being away and amongst strangers as i had been worse than usual for a few days , so i cancelled the holiday . I feel so awfull when i cant get my breath and dont like going out much , shopping is awfull but i have to make myself go and do it and i feel the whole town is on a hill so plan my shopping and hope i can park !.

[perusal]

Such a shame you had to cancel a holiday sounds like you have some anxiety problems. Hope you can soon book another holiday and go and enjoy it perhaps if you explained to your Doctor they could give you something to calm you down just for the holiday . Good luck