I'm generally a happy, upbeat positive person. But ever since the weekend I've been in a right pap with myself and whilst I've had days when I've felt down these really are just the odd days. I went camping at the weekend and had in the most a lovely time. Only one thing marred it and that was overhearing friends say that they couldn't walk into Ambleside because I couldn't walk that far. I'd already said I was happy to wait by the pier and have a coffee (and maybe some cake! ;-)) whilst they went off on their wanders. But they didn't and I felt terrible. The last thing I want is for them to make exceptions for me. I'm due to go away with them again in September and next May and I feel like I don't want to go because I feel like I'm holding them back from doing what they really want to do.
It's really got me down and I'm struggling to pull myself out of this. I've spoken to a couple of them and tried to explain how I feel but they've told me I am just being silly and over-sensitive. Am I? And would not going away with them be cutting my nose off to spite my face?
Sorry for the long post.
Marie x
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Surely they will understand you would rather go away with them and that your perfectly happy to sit and have a coffee or what ever while they go a head and have their walk you wouldn't feel guilty, tell them you would feel better if this was the case. I know the feeling you think your holding them back Val
Hi Marie, can I advise total honesty? You could just say you have been thinking about the upcoming holiday but feel uncomfortable about them holding back for you. Then explain you welcome the break to sit some of the activities out with a crossword or whatever. Good friends will understand and hopefully see what is needed. Happy hols! Auntymary xx
Perhaps they too would have liked to sit and have a coffee and cake!
I have a friend who visits and I want her to see and do the things I would like to do if I could, but she says she is happy sitting and chatting and not really moving about much at all. I have felt I did less with her here than I usually do.
I am sure there is a pleasure in you all just getting away together. Enjoy.
What you describe is a common problem with all of us. My wife has to go very slow if I am walking, or I take a break while she does what she wants to. Well that used to be the case. Now I either take my own mobility scooter, or hire one if possible. Amazing how I soon got over the embarrassment I thought I would have. Result is I enjoy the outings much more. My wife does as she can explore more with me at her side. And I don't get breathless. Maybe you could hire one of these where you go to.
Thanks everyone. I have been totally honest and they think I am just being silly etc. I could have walked the mile or so into Ambleside but we were stretched for time and I knew that they could walk it faster than me. Its just the fact that none of them chose to go and i overheard what one of them said. I think its more about their sponaneous wish to do something when we are out and about and then thinking 'oh hang on a minute, Marie's with us'.
They are lovely lovely people and I just don't want to feel like my being there is stopping them doing things. Stitch. I think this is the best idea, just stating that there are somethings I don't want to do and I woudl prefer to either do somethign different on my own or stay 'home' those days.
I think your friends are being the sensitive ones ! When you go on the next one say you will on the condition that they go off without you if you say so. Tell them the reason being that you have their company most of the holiday time and a few minutes to chill out on your own with a cuppa is no big deal.
You are not being over-sensitive at all and friends should understand how you feel and be happy to leave you to have a coffee (loving the cake idea too!) whilst they go walking. It is all about give and cake (sorry, take) and you should never feel bad about your illness and how it affects you. Just speak calmly to them and make it very clear that you love going away with them but they must be prepared to just go off together and leave you behind as that is how it is. Good luck and you go off and have a brilliant time in September and next May. Keep on caking on! Now, where did I put that victoria sponge??
Hi Marie ,i have the same problems if we have a family holiday we have a large family and when we get together to go somwhere it always comes back to how i am going to manage to gat there its like a military exercise ,i am quite happy if i am sitting at the seafront and everyone can do as they please but it becomes a debate what we are going to do .
thats why i avoide family holls and i'm sure theres a lot like me
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