I am a Carer for someone with late stage COPD and struggling, am I alone.

[bs73888]

My partner has changed from being his own man, to needing him from getting out of bed, to washing and dressing. It is the saddest thing that I have ever had to cope with.

I find it very upsetting, and am scared to tell him, am I alone?

[Letgod]

So sorry to hear this. I am sure you are not alone. My husband has just been diagnosed with COPD at 59. I am trying not to think too much about the future as none of us know. But I really feel for you

[corriena]

It is hard to see a loved one change so much because of a illnesss. You have us to support you,i know its not the same as sitting with a friend but we do are best. Give the blf helpline a call they can advise with all sorts of stuff practical and emotional you are not the only one to feel like you do right now. Ask if thear is a breath easy group in your area. They are support groups for patients , careas ,family and frends. I hope you find the support you need

[sassy59]

Do give the BLF helpline a call on 03000 030 555 during office hours Monday to Friday. They should be able to help and advise you.

It is sad to see a loved one decline. I care for Pete a lot more now and that’s ongoing I know. We’re here for you so do come and chat whenever you feel the need.

There is a Carers Community on here too so try that. You’ll be made very welcome. Xxxxx

[HungryHufflepuff]

It’s the saddest thing to see someone you love getting this ill, to go from an independent vibrant person to one who can’t do anything for themselves and are deteriorating in front of your eyes. There’s also that underlying feeling of panic. If you have the courage, tell your partner you’re finding the situation distressing, then you can go through it together and find strength in each other. If you can, tell him soon, or it gets to a point where you just can’t bring yourself to do so, and the fear and sorrow eat away at you. There’s the biggest difference between being strong and putting on a brave face. You can still be strong and supportive but sad at the same time, and really your partner would guess you’re saddened by the situation. It is such a dreadful situation to be in, and I’m sorry there’s no easy answer. Sending you all best wishes.

[Bella395]

Don’t know whether it helps but you are not alone. I am in a similar situation and yes, it is hard. I wanted to manage on my own but have had to learn to accept help. It is terribly sad to see the deterioration. My way of dealing with it is to learn all I can about managing the conditions (bronchiectasis/asthma and other serious illnesses). It helps because to a certain extent I have some control and the exacerbations have lessened.

If you haven’t done so already, consider making use of the statutory services. A carers assessment is a good place to start - you can access this by telephoning social services. If you have a community matron/district nursing team contact them for support. Our community matron has been very useful and between us we have drastically reduced hospital admissions.

Do you have all the relevant benefits in place? It helps because you can use the money to help make your lives more comfortable. We use part of it to employ a cleaner twice a week and trades people to do jobs we can’t manage now.

A continuing care assessment might be worth looking at because you would then be able to access respite care in a nursing home. My OH has just been granted joint funding for this but they have taken about five months to make the decision. I don’t yet know what this entails practically but hopefully it will give us some useful choices re future care. As has been said, use the Carers section if you need any support or advice. Every situation is different but members might be able to help.

[bs73888]

I would just like to THANK everyone for their warm support! I do appreciate it. Will definately be visiting the Carers site! bs73888

[Caspiana in reply to bs73888]

*HUG* You are not alone. xx 😘

[Bella395 in reply to bs73888]

Would it be helpful for you to list your main problems? People might be able to offer practical advice. If not, perhaps you could consider counselling to help you deal with the situation. It’s sometimes not possible to deal with situations like this without help.