Guilt

[Sheilab123]

Hi folks, I'm on a guilt trip, not being able to do all the things I should be doing, simple things really, like cooking a nice roast for the family, looking after young Grandchildren etc, anyone else get this? I know I'm fortunate in so many ways but it doesn't stop the guilt! Wishing you all a great day. xx

[Marie22]

Hi Sheila

I was ill last year 3 times in hospital, couldn't do a thing , brain wouldn't work,I could just look after myself. So don't worry, eat well exercise when you can and rest,

Just tell people how you feel, and you can't do things you used to do but with a bit of luck, you will get better.

I know how you feel

Love Marie 22

[Sheilab123 in reply to Marie22]

Thanks Marie, hope your finished with hospital stays now, I was in a few times last year, hoping to stay clear for a while! xx

[29h3m]

Hi Sheilab , Have moments of guilt myself , especially when I am invited out and don't feel up to it , feel like I am letting people down sometimes , but cant be helped , you have to look after yourself first before you can help others. Sometimes people don't really understand even when you explain or they just look uninterested , you get to know who is genuinely caring and who isn't . Anyway give the Roast dinner a miss and order in a pizza Ha. Cheer up Tina . x

[Sheilab123 in reply to 29h3m]

Hi 29h, so know what you mean re letting people down at the last minute, though I think my nearest and dearest are used to it by now! Ah pizza we have a new one in the town and very good it is. Problem solved. Well done! xx

[Hidden]

oh i can relate to that hugely...... i feel like a rotten mum, a rotten gran and a rotten friend at times and make myself sick thinking of how i let my lot down.

I was chatting to my clinical psychologist yesterday about this subject and what he told me is this........you have to look after yourself first to give them the best of you

im sure most of us are going through the same thing......... we are doing the best in a situation we cant change x

[Sheilab123 in reply to Hidden]

You are so right Mandy, and wise words from your psychologist, thank you! xx

[starveycat]

No way should you feel guilty you have been a marvelous mum and grandma, you have done your bit, allow the family to look after you, they would enjoy doing it . gentle supporting hugs on their way x

[Sheilab123 in reply to starveycat]

Hi Starveycat, it's true I have done my bit in the past, and there is still a lot I can do, so must concentrate on that. Hugs back to you xx

[cofdrop-UK]

OMG Shiela yes, yes and yes again. Absolutely. You are not alone hun. I think sometimes we are very hard on ourselves, although it is very frustrating.

Going to a catholic school, it's inbuilt but this is a proper guilt and no matter how many folks tell you you're a good mum and grandma and all the kids want is such and such, it really doesn't mean much when you feel you would if you could do so ,much more.

Well it is as it is and we have to accept it I guess.

Love cx

[Sheilab123 in reply to cofdrop-UK]

Hi Cofdrop, as you say it's b.....y frustrating! But then there are plenty worse off than us, we just have to make the best of what we've got. xx

[aberdeenman]

hi Sheila never feel guilty, theres lots we cant do. I go to work and just allocate jobs then have a coffee lol.I cant even do my own housework, I have friends who do that, when they come down mike does the hovering while mags does my kitchen and bathroom, I don't feel guily, I feel exhausted watching them lol.

tam

[Sheilab123 in reply to aberdeenman]

Hi Tam, like you I have someone in to do the housework, one of the perks of COPD! xx

[aberdeenman in reply to Sheilab123]

I never asked them do it, but they knew I was struggling and I don't get a choice they come do it when they have time, they both work full time, good friends to have.

[sassy59]

I think Pete would understand Sheila because he often says "the mind is willing but the body isn't" and he does struggle to come to terms with the fact he can't do what he used to. I think he feels I do too much but I do re-assure him.

You take care. xxx

[Sheilab123 in reply to sassy59]

Thanks Sassy, like you my hubby is very good., he does understand it's can't rather than wont! Hope Pete is well I know you have had your share of late. Take care xx

[grannyjan]

I think we all get that guilt feeling on and off Sheila, but you know who your friends are and they will understand. take care.

jan x

[Sheilab123 in reply to grannyjan]

Thanks Jan, yes I think most people do understand, I suppose it's us that stops them helping more. Take care xx

[Polly4acre]

There is no law that says you have to do a roast dinner or any other huge meaL. You have done your bit over the years and now you should not feel any guilt that that you can't do what you used to. What people really want from you is the same loving welcome and super sandwiches for the grandchildren would please them just as much. I am sure that family members are understanding and the younger ones will not expect any more than you can give them. Frustration -yes, guilt -no! All love and understanding, Polly x

[Sheilab123 in reply to Polly4acre]

Thanks Polly, your absolutely right, it probably is the frustration that gets us! I really must learn to go with the flow. It's so good that we can say how we feel on here and know we are not alone. Take care xx

[Hidden]

Hi Sheila. Your not on your own. We (most of us) have felt like that at one time or another in our lives. Sometimes the body just says "I need a break or a while" Its important to listen and act and not feel guilty. Thinking of you. Gerald xx

[Sheilab123]

Hi Gerald and thank you, dunno why the guilt has got to me of late, but will try my best to let it go, it certainly won't change things! Take care xx