Diagnosed at 18

[teresabanner]

Hi everyone

I was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome when I was 18 I’m now 26. My brother was diagnosed when he was 5 and I was 3 so I grew up knowing about Aspergers.

I don’t know many females with Aspergers like me, my difficulty is making friends and I have high anxiety and depression but I do work full time supporting non verbal adults with autism so I lone work.

Does anyone else find there is still such a stereotype with Asperger syndrome? I still get the “but you don’t look like you have Asperger syndrome” or “but you seem so normal”

Thanks Teresa x

[leah_0600]

I’m a female with Asperger too and I also get the ‘but you don’t LOOK’ autistic! It drives me mad. I try to brush it under the carpet. Another one is ‘but isn’t everyone a little autistic...?’ Here to chat if you need someone to talk to xx

[teresabanner in reply to leah_0600]

Aw yeh I get the “isn’t everyone a little autistic” as well it drives me mad x

[WantToChange]

Yeah I get that. Was diagnosed 4 years ago. I'm very high functioning so usually neurotypicals don't know I have it upon meeting me, unless I announce it. I can think that social interactions are going well and then suddenly something happens and I feel like a failure all over again. Something happened today as a matter of fact. I don't want to have this disability anymore. I want to have a normal life with a future in it. After having high aspirations I've come to realise I'm not capable of doing any of it. I don't work full time so you're quite lucky you're able to do that xx

[teresabanner in reply to WantToChange]

I find working full time so exhausting mentally so after a shift I have to come home and have a nap, but I’m the same friends don’t get why I get so upset if they cancel last minute which has lost me so many friends x

[WantToChange in reply to teresabanner]

I lost a friend who started cancelling on me a lot. If plans fall through I feel "off" for the rest of the day. She couldn't understand why it was getting to me and we just stopped speaking after the blow out. I get exhausted and need to recharge. People say I should be out doing more but I just mentally can't. I lead quite a solo life - live alone, have limited friends, I go to the cinema a lot by myself and can't stand loud bars and night clubs. My biggest social challenge has been the inability to meet and keep a boyfriend. It can be lonely but it is what it is, I guess. I'm glad to have a few close friends and now that I'm working part-time it helps me to balance my life so I get enough sleep x

[Hidden in reply to WantToChange]

Hi im the other side/way i don't keep girlfriends

But these days i just please myself ive the keys to the door so just let myself in and don't have to worry about anyone else.

Learn't to get a hard back/shell.

Have some friends but many not close now as moved so don't get to see much know many of the shops near by can go in and have a cup of tea and chat/laugh etc

We speak in Tamil/Turkish/hindi etc plus Spanish/Italian/Deutsch as lean't a lot of languages one bonus of being left handed plus an Aspie!

Like you i don't like loud bars etc now used to be a night club bunny loved dancing all night but since had a small stroke few years back has changed things with the Asperger's

[PearCider]

I get, of course I understand what Asperger's is, but you should be mixing with people better, you can do it when you make an effort 😟

A doctor on an advice line did point out that everybody has some autistic TRAITS, which is technically correct as it's how many traits and in what categories that makes you autistic. This is subtly different from everybody supposedly being a bit autistic: roughly speaking it has to significantly impact on your life to be autism.

[Stella180 in reply to PearCider]

Now this is where I struggle. As you say ‘significantly impact on your life’. I’m in my 40s and yes I have had issues throughout my life but you get used to it. Adapt if you like and it just is. My normal is different to someone else’s normal but it’s life. I’m also asthmatic had have been as long as I can remember so when someone mentions my breathing heavily I don’t notice it cos it’s always been that way and I just live with it

[PearCider in reply to Stella180]

For chapter and verse, see nice.org.uk/guidance/CG142/....

If you are having to make adaptions, that in itself is an impact. You don't have to be quivering in an armchair too terrified to move to have ASD. A relative of mine told me that it didn't occur to her that I had ASD because although I was different she just thought that was who I was. She put it down to uniqueness and eccentricity, not a diagnosable condition, but she was wrong, and a professional psychologist signed a certificate to say so.

[Stella180 in reply to PearCider]

Yes uniqueness and eccentricity. I like those terms. I personally describe myself as a little quirky. I know I’m a bit different and sometimes hard to handle but I kinda like that. Normal is overrated lol

[Hidden in reply to PearCider]

But with Autism/Aspergers it isn't how you/we see it or perceive it but it's how our brain see's/perceives it

As yes sometimes i'm great in groups but other times i just want to be on my own and can react badly if pushed into situations my brain is saying it isn't comfortable with.

[PearCider in reply to Hidden]

Sometimes in a small group it feels all right at the time, and nobody says anything to indicate otherwise, but then later somebody says, "I can't believe you were so incredibly rude" etc etc.