HI all, my situation is taking its toll on me. I had an accident in Nov leaving me with broken/crushed pelvis and hip among other bones, I almost died. I have suffered AN since I was about 12 now 30. I have been in many treatment centres and have managed to keep myself well and on my recovery path (of course I have bad days). Recently my dad has been in and out of hospital with horrendous nose bleeds and yet again today.
My parents have been looking after me since my accident as I needed intense care and continue to. I have managed to try and help out this has included cooking for the three of us. I am trying to put this so it all makes sense but apologies for jumbled writing. Inside I am crying, the man who I look up to who has been so strong and I always went to for support is unable to do his usual daily duties, I can see the saddened look on his face that he has to take the doc's advice of not doing anything.
I feel so selfish to have these feelings, and I know only too well that these feeling are what leads me to not eating and using the devil of AN to cope with such intense sadness. Each time he has been into Hospital the fear he will not return increases. I am iscolated by location and also with the option of talking to someone, it seems all of my close friends have much to do and I do not want to burden them more. I just want a hug, to be told everything will be ok and to feel safety. I feel torn and do not know how to pick myself up and cope. Do I sound stupid and selfish, am I? This makes me want to punish myself and argh.... I am in a negative cycle that I do not want to carry on within, I need to break out does anyone have any suggestions that could help me. thank you for reading this x