Too Much

I’ve struggled with disordered eating for awhile now. I know that this will sound bad but I feel like I’ll only want to reach out for help when I “get sick enough”. The thought of losing weight is like a little goal I can’t wait to fulfill. That sounds awful but my mind keeps telling me if i “just get a little skinnier” then I’ll fully realize what’s happening even though I already do.

[crazycrossstitcher]

Sounds like you recognise that things are not good and you need help now. Go to your GP and ask for a referral to an ED service - probably a long wait. You could also get advice by ringing ABC.

[Anon03]

The eating disorder is seductive and will talk you out of getting help even tell you there is nothing wrong but if you look at your situation logically you can probably see what you are doing is harmful and if it was a friend you would be worried and want them to fet help. My ED tells me to loose weight all the time and when I do it tells me to loose more or wants you to the bone. It took along time for me to get into treatment as referrals take so long so I would go to your GPS now. I'm in treatment and it's hard as I thought I would get a meal plan and be able to stick to it etc to eat normally again but I can't and instead of gaing weight as one of my goals I actually lost weight last week when my therapist weighed me, it's a slow process recovery so get help now !!

[Kessa]

This is so relatable! I kept thinking this for months till I was a bit "pushed" into recovery by my partner. I was like just a kg less and then I can ask for help and I will look more "credible". I never feel skinny or sick enough and I doubted my doctor when she told me my diagnosis.

But you know what? Maybe could be just fear of changing at the end? Of really recovering and let go of all this ( even if it's just the goal to be "skinnier")?

I don't think for our ED there'll ever be an "enough" anyway

It's so stressful to feel this way constantly!