I have been anorexic for all of my adult life. Over my adult life had only about 2 years of relatively (just under) healthy weight. From the age of 18 till now 37 this year. This sounds shit. No hope for me. Slow death. Is there anyone else like that or am I the only loser? I don’t know how my husband can stand me and living with me. I don’t want to live and I don’t want to die either. I won’t recover. Can’t stand eating food outside my ‘allowed’ safe foods. What’s the purpose in living like a zombie so numb. Feeling fat/skinny. Both and none of those. So messed up. Trapped and not trapped. I won’t recover because I don’t know anything else than this. And what I am is what I am and I would lose my identity without my illness. Help.