How can I recover from Bulimia?

[missaw]

Eighteen years of torture from my 'bully' has left me completely dysfunctional, exhausted and hating life (I am now 36). I have no life; all I ever do is binge, purge and panic. I cannot stop. I have tried everything; counselling, CBT, Anti-depressants, self help, distraction techniques. This grip it has over me is excruciating and I can't cope. My elderly parents can't cope so now ignore it. The disorder is getting worse and work, and slowly taking over most of my day. It has also invaded my sleep; I am up all night in a horrendous cycle of binge and purge behaviours. I've been crying out for treatment for over 16 years, however my BMI does not warrant inpatient treatment. I am based in Wales. Can anyone help with tips on how to recover. I am willing to try anything. I need an intervention.

[lillyofthevalley37]

I think you should try hypnotherapy it's not easy to find a good hypnotherapist but very easy to find second rate ones that take your money, try to get a free consultation or if you can afford it there is a hypnotherapist called Dominic Knight in Harley st who is supposed to be very good

Otherwise I suggest if you are Christian you should strongly connect to Jesus and ask for guidance from Him

May I just ask this - people with anorexia often have a voice aka Ana telling the to not eat well is it the same with bulimia ? what sets you off?

Hoping you can sort this problem out - it is possible remember that

[missaw in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

Thank you for your helpful suggestion. I will certainly explore this and am willing to try anything. I have even considered going to a local church, I just have the best intentions but then have so little energy and miss out on things.

I personally don't have a voice like ana, it's more like a Jekyll and Hyde thing, or a switch where I can be perfectly rational and logical with the best intentions one minute, then the switch is flipped and suddenly I am in a trance and entering the dysfunctional behaviours. Panic sets in and the cycle continues until exhaustion, then when the trance fades, I am met with feelings of shame and disgust. I find I call myself fat, ugly and stupid because I let it happen. I know the consequences. I know there is absolutely no benefit to this behaviour, so how could I allow it to happen? How could I be so stupid? This is what I ask myself every day. Thus the cycle of low self esteem continues.

In terms of triggers, they vary, and seem to be quite holistic. It could be a stressful situation, panic over feeling too full (I associate feelings of 'fullness' with being 'fat', which I am working on), it could be temptation / panic (E.g., someone buys me a cake or something I deem to be 'unhealthy'), it could also be opportunity or boredom. Mostly I find it is panic over feeling full, or stress. I've tried self-help, distraction techniques, everything I can throw at the disorder, but it's proving to have quite a tight grip, and I'm really kicking and screaming trying to escape.

Once again, thank you for taking the time to reply. I really appreciate it x

[Audash]

I had bulimia during my anorexia recovery. For me the only thing was to let it go...

And the first step was to understand where the disorder came from. Often the disorder comes from a psychological traumatism. For me it was huge problem at work and beeing away from my family and a painful separation with my boyfriend... For my Best friend (Who was bulimic ) that was a issue with her father and the death of her grand father

And for me, praying Jésus and going to the church was hepful too

Waiting for better news from you, i wish you all the Best

[missaw in reply to Audash]

Thank you for this. Mine is the classic overachiever tale; I was top of the class throughout school, then the disorder developed the summer before University, maybe due to the pressure I put on myself to be the best at something. I had also become 'orthorexic' for two years before my first binge, and I had lost a little weight, so maybe my brain was thinking 'I'll be the best at losing weight'. I think the binging came because my body was simply crying out for nourishment.

Both responses so far have mentioned Jesus so I will definitely make a special effort to rediscover this relationship. Thank you once again for taking the time to respond. It really is reassuring and more helpful than you know.

Best wishes x

[Audash in reply to missaw]

Yes i can recognize me in what you said. I was to of the class for a long time and i was in the mood of beeing the best too. I was first be orthorexic before beeing anorexic i think too. I wanted to be the best in everything too, i put too much pressure on me. i think you put to much pressure on you too.

what are your situation today ? do you know how to relax ?

do you restrict during the day ? and that's why your body crave at nights... as long what i've learn is that if you body crave for something is that you lack something... and you definitevely need to listen to your body

[missaw in reply to Audash]

Yes, we put so much pressure on ourselves, and Ido the classic restrict in the day, binge at night. Logically I know it is simply my body craving food, but I just seem driven by two opposing mindsets. One is the logical, rational side which knows that there are absolutely no benefits to the binge / purge behaviour, and the other just wants to blindly eat anything in sight, regardless of the consequences. I do find it very hard to relax. Sending hope and best wishes to you x

[Renegade1234 in reply to missaw]

I find this is a problem too. I don't think I have an eating disorder but definitely have disordered eating. Restrict during the day and overeat at night and feel horrible afterwards.

Trying to plan meals etc, keep busy and exercise. I don't know how else to solve it.

[SuZQ154]

I understand! There is HOPE! From 13 to 30, I had bulimia and did NOTHING to get better. I just thought I was crazy. As you, after that I did a variety of therapies, which helped to identify triggers, root causes, and a 12 step program to follow to gain recovery.

However, it was not until I surrendered my life to my faith at age 44, that I had true, lasting recovery. I still use the strategies from my therapies; yet, I had to learn to change my thinking about who I was and be willing not to be "perfect". I can now take a nap, eat ice cream, and have a "down" day without feeling guilty. Surrounding myself with positive people and letting go of my negative thinking about myself keeps me in recovery. Now I know I am "loved, enough, and valued" not because of what I do or am, but because I have faith. Books like "Made to Crave" helped me to understand. You might want to check it out.

Hope this helps!

[missaw in reply to SuZQ154]

Oh SuZQ154 you do not know how wonderful it is to hear this - that recovery is possible. I really thank you for your lovely message and admire your strength and recovery. I am so pleased to hear you are in a good place. This is amazing news for you and also provides hope for me. I wondered whether I was too far down this rabbit hole to pull myself back up. i am buying the book you suggested as we speak. Thank you so very much. Was there any one thing that triggered you back to health? x

[SuZQ154]

Here is the website for "Made to Crave" bit.ly/32u0fZN

[missaw in reply to SuZQ154]

Again, I can't thank you enough. Truly, thank you.

[xxz123]

I definitely think the suggestion on going to church could be very helpful. Do you have anyone you can confide in? Even if they don’t have answers I find it can be helpful to have a nonjudgmental person you can say I B/Ped really badly last night and now I’m feeling really guilty and disappointed in myself, or ‘ I managed to have a reasonable snack today and not purge, it was really hard but I’m proud of myself.’ Validate all the little things you do that are good, rather than all the things you are Disappointed in.

Do you have any friends. It can be helpful to have people who can distract you from eating disorder thoughts. When you connect with people it releases chemicals in your brain that make you feel good. Even simple things like smiling at people or doing things to help others like holding a door open for someone can boost your mood a bit. The more you can elevate your mood and engage in life the less you will feel the need to numb yourself with food.

The other thing I really on is exercise. Caution on this one as obsessive exercise is a common problem in ED. But getting some activity everyday helps me a lot. Also if you’re walking outside getting sunlight and exposure to green/blue colors is super beneficial.

I know non of this is directly about the Ed behaviors, but in my experience if I’m more involved and excited about life the trance when I eat food is not as strong. The more you are able to fight the trance the more power you are getting back from the eating disorder.

Good luck! I know it’s hard. I’m not recovered yet but I’m trying to fight it, and I think I’m getting better little by little. Be patient, don’t give up, look forward, be positive! We can do this!

[missaw in reply to xxz123]

Thank you so much for your reply. it feels like a battle every day, the trace description is spot on. I have thrown everything I know at it so far but still need a little help with the fight x

[Prob79]

Choose your church carefully, an analogy with a restaurant is not apposite but please test the fellowship carefully, not just for friendliness and helpfulness, crucial as they are, but also faithfulness first to their Lord, secondly, because it flows from the first, to you. Don't choose flatterers, choose faithful friends. I write with a little experience of both.

[missaw in reply to Prob79]

Gret advice, thank you!