Can you ever really beat Ana?

I've been battling anorexia for 3 years now. Every time I make some progress and start to eat again I look at my body and freak out. I managed to eat over christmas +drank alcohol to help me cope. Now I feel really fat and have started starving myself again to get the weight off. I can't stand to see my body as I look so fat. Recovering from a chest infection so haven't been able to Exercise. Going to start again next week. Feel better now Ana back helping me. I'm so confused I feel I need Ana but also know how dangerous she can be. Anyone else felt like this?

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  • I did in the beginning - as much as I knew it was bad for me it was still a comfort. I was forced to get better as I was still at school and I played netball - I had the Scottish cup finals to play in and I wasn't allowed unless I had gained weight and proved I'd gotten better - I had just 4 months and I managed it! I even enjoyed a McDonald's on the way home! With my team! They all knew which made it a double celebration! It was hard and I still have days where I feel like I need to starve but I'm almost 18months into recovery now and I feel good about my self most of the time! It can be done but you need help (counselling etc) I hated it at first but I knew I needed it! Good Luck!

  • Please for God"s sake seek some Professional advice about your Anorexia!! Don"t go down the route I did, suffering from AN for many years only to find, I nearly lost my life to it in 2012! I ended up in Intensive Care Unit with Organ Failure, even Professionals don"t understand how I just made it through. I am now receiving help from Specialised High-Risk Eating Disorder Team! This is extremely serious illness & WILL claim your life eventually!!

    I did"nt want help for years but it took this "FRIGHT!" to get me the correct counselling you need. I have been told by Team I am under that I may have to "Live with AN but in the back of my mind, not it controlling me".

    I CANNOT URGE you enough to get the help NOW!! It is not easy to obtain the right help, so the sooner you start looking the better!!

    You DO NOT have to suffer for 30yrs plus like I did, there is help out there and you just CANNOT do it on your own! Please believe me this is not just a game of "How you look or feel", I have walked in your shoes! You don"t think anything will happen to you, always some else.

    Well it does and it did almost claim my LIFE. It is also such a miserable way to live (Exist!!) and eventually it becomes a "Family Illness" and all you love and care for are affected too!!

    Have you got an empathetic GP who you could talk to and refer you to the Relevant Services??

    Please don"t waste any more time" Ana" is NOT your friend believe me, it WILL KILL YOU!!

    Sorry if I sound so blunt, I would hate for anyone to end up in ICU because of Anorexia.

    I wish you every blessing, what ever you decide to do Citylife. In my thoughts and prayers. God bless you. Good Luck to you. Bettybaby X

  • I'm getting help. I see a specialist eating disorder counsellor now. Before that had CBT for 18 months. I have made progress, but stressful events see me turning to Ana to cope. I'm trying to work on this. Don't see my counsellor till next week though. That's why I posted my thoughts. Needed to share how was feeling with someone who understands. Thanks for your reply and prayers. I will keep fighting this.

  • Hi Citylife,

    Just be honest with yourself and counsellor when you see her/him, next week. good luck and God Bless you. I know how difficult it is, trust me but "Ana" is not your friend it is the enemy that turn so quickly on you, you are no longer in control AN is!!

    I sincerely pray you get the right help and get through this insidious illness,

    God Bless, Betty Baby X

  • I am exactly the same with my bulimia I trying hard to stop but I

    Still think I look overweight and fat and bloated, and my bulimia helps me to loose weight but at the same time I want to stop the bulimia

  • Ohh you poor darl - wondering how you've been going...

  • I'm still struggling. Have upped my exercising and feel a bit btr. Can't believe how FAT I let myself get over Christmas I was so weak. Now I've got to work hard to put things right again. I'm sure once I can see the fat disappearing from my stomach and thighs I'll be able to ease back again. I know will be able to stop when I get back to the way I was before christmas. Can't believe how easy its been to stop eating and survive on 300-500 calories a day. I feel so much better for it. Hope your doing ok. Thanks for your reply. It helps to know there are others out there who understand.

  • When I counsel anorexics I ask them not to get weighed and examine themselves in the mirror. I know from experience that this is far from easy. Anorexia is a ritual based disorder and its imperative to get these rituals under control.

    To be anorexic is to have a large degree of self control. Therefore, use this self control to beat it rather than maintain it This is one of the ways that I keep myself clear of my anorexia.

    As you start to make inroads into your ED, it will fight back and try to stop any recovery. The anorexic voice in your head is your voice. It's you, therefore it knows exactly how to beat you. It's tough to beat, but it can be done.

    I tell all of my patients that the anorexia will start to give them hell as they start to make sense of whats happening to them. I know from experience how truly awful, horrifying and tiring this can be. But the fact that the anorexia is giving you hell, is a sign that you are starting to beat it.

    There isn't an easy solution to any ED's. As a psychological intervention, CBT is fine on a very basic level, but I do believe that we need to much more than simple modify our behaviour. I think we need to understand why it's happening to us. We need to find the trigger and get control of the "voice" I feel this is fundamental to permanently keeping an ED out of heads.

    Good luck

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